Excellence Is Manditory

L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N

2012-01-30T20:05:00.003Z

So the New Year has found us. I've already made a few resolutions, such as:

- Get 3 new piercings

- Go to a new Festival

- Take more photos

And here are some things I'm loving right now:

1. Writing letters to exotic lands: my good friend has recently moved to India for six months to teach in a school. It's not like she's completely cut off from the world, but the two of us wrote letters to each other when she was at Uni, so now we're reviving the art again :)

2. My new Doc Martens: easily my favourite shoes in the world. These ones are especially cute but breaking them in can be particularly challenging.

3. Ramen: I keep making trips to the asian supermarket to sample the million different kinds of ramen. I especially like the ones that come in a broth. Delicious :)

4. My gorgeous bunny: Winter can be tough on little bunnies. Fye is good at keeping active during the winter, but he knows when it's cold he won't get as much attention. Hopefully the weather will improve soon and coax the family back outside.

Stuck In My Throat

2012-01-23T23:25:00.004Z

It burns. White hot. It feels like shutting down, like everything good and valuable is tainted.

I don't want to feel this way. I don't choose to feel this way.

Every petty thing ever said, every mean thought ever conceived; I forgive you all. For this is the meanest and pettiest of all. The darkest kind of hatred that blossoms from the purest of feelings. No one can know. I will package up this feeling and send it far away to the only person who can make sense of it.

Every time you told me you loved me, you went home to someone else. You made me into a fool to satisfy the worst of greeds. You destroyed me. I can do nothing by half-measures any more. No half-friends or half loves. The casual nature of life is repulsive and deceitful. It is all or nothing.

I hate you. I hate you both.

I live with the fear that you have confined me to.

There is one option left. One way to destroy you all. You will look me in the eye and know what I have done. It will never make us even, but it's one last thing that you cannot take from me.

Please God, give me the strength.

The Sky Set Out Like A Pathway, But Who Decides Which Route We Take?

2011-12-27T17:31:00.007Z

I've had a delightfully busy December. It began with Nick's birthday when I surprised him with tickets to see White Lies a few days later. They were very good, the perfect way to round up a very busy year gig-wise :)

And then last week it was our annual Christmas meal and the exchange of secret santa goodies. I think we all agreed that Nick got the best gift.

Happy New Year all!

Seven Devils All Around Me

2011-11-20T22:29:00.003Z

So this was my attempt to dress up as Florence Welch, of Florence and the Machine, and it didn't turn out too badly. Well, the birthday boy knew who I was and that was enough for me.

A whole year today since I first met Nick. I can tell you right now that exactly a year ago (to the minute) I had pretty much given up on meeting him at all. I'm kind of tempted to tell the whole story, but here's all you need to know:

- we met online

- because we are both music geeks

- and we met up at the We Are Scientists gig

At 10:30 pm on the 20th November last year, I was passing it off as one of those things. We'd failed to meet up outside the venue. Once inside I had patchy signal and the place was packed. By this point I was tipsy (from having too many drinks to settle my nerves) and I was trying to keep my friend Rachael from hitting the girl in front of us (she was small, but very annoying. The girl, that is, not Rach').

So I figured I'd tried, you know? It was just one of those things.

The gig ended (WAS were amazing, but that goes without saying) and Rach' and I grabbed some merch and then got into the huge queue for the cloakroom. I was dancing around 'cause my shoes hurt and Rach' was close to passing out from exhaustion (since she'd been at a midnight Harry Potter showing the night before). We got to the front and Rach' couldn't find her cloakroom ticket.

I glanced at my phone whilst she frantically pawed through her purse.

I had a text from Nick. Well, several actually. He was waiting for me at the fire exit. He'd be wearing a check shirt.

Oh God, I immediately thought, I bet he saw me doing my 'damn these shoes suck' dance.

And so we met. And I talked (shockingly). My ride was waiting (rather impatiently) but there was time for a drink and conversation. One year later, here I am.

Shake It Out, Shake It Out

2011-10-31T21:17:00.002Z

So I'm on the eve of this crazy endeavour, eating strawberry cables ('cause it's Halloween for me too) and trying not to freak out.

Let the fun begin!

Writing To Reach You

2011-10-27T23:11:00.003+01:00

When life hands you lemons...

I know that there are a handful of things that I happen to be good at, such as:

- Tidying
- Putting things on coat hangers
- Getting people to help me (it's all in the eyes)
- Predicting Masterchef winners (I'm seriously on a role)
- Hearing the new hot band before my friends (or at least until I started dating a guy who introduced me to a whole host of music nazis)

- Writing.

Lately everyone wants to know what I want to do with my future and I suppose the truth is that I don't have big dreams. But the sad thing is that I keep telling people that I used to want to be a writer.

Used to.

I also happen to be one of those unfortunates that writes better when depressed. And I'm not gonna wish for depression just to get a decent dialogue or plotline outta me. Regardless, I still write. Letters, lists, blogs, diaries, poems, texts, tweets. Sometimes it's so much better than talking.

So you guys all know the drill with Nanowrimo. Write a novel in a month. Preferably 50,000 words, but that's just a guideline.

I can't even begin to tell you how busy my November is. Aside from working and buying Christmas presents, I'm going to London, going to Birmingham, seeing Frank Turner twice and sitting through around seven hours of Twilight in one sitting (and probably many more afterwards).

But I've never been too busy to write before.

I'm getting off track here. My point is that I'm going to try and if I fail spectacularly, then I fail and you shall all have the pleasure of witnessing it.

Your Plans Are Over, I'm Not Your Number

2011-10-09T12:20:00.004+01:00

Young Legionnaire are awesome.

I can only speak for myself, but when Thursday night came around I was not in the mood for a gig. Manchester Orchestra the night before had left me feeling a little bit flat (through no fault of the band) and I wasn't feeling that gig itch that I usually have on the go.

Plus, if you looked outside your window at any point in the day, you'll have realised that the weather was disgusting.

But I pulled out my winter coat and off we went.

You can see where this story is going, of course.

It kind of felt like gig nights back when I was in Uni, when me and my friend Ian would turn up to tiny venues with crowds so small that you could hear the support act cough. I leaned against the bar with Nick, sharing pleasantries with the gig loner next to us whenever Nick frequented visited the toilet. The vibe was friendly, relaxed, and this was even before the band came on.

I should tell you that Young Legionnaire are a combination of Gordon Moakes (Bloc Party and bass God), Paul Mullen (yourcodenameis:Milo and The Automatic) and a dopey, blonde drummer. But, as we discussed, knowing this gives you false pre-conceptions of exactly what Young Legionnaire should and will sound like.

For example, I wondered if it might dishearten the band that they were playing to a half empty room. Not at all. They beckoned us forward and played as if it was a sell-out. If anything, it meant they were more comfortable to laugh and joke around with the crowd, gaining an even more affectionate response from some pretty hardcore fans.

The Manchester Orchestra gig had knocked my faith a little. It angered me that people were so happy to talk over a band that they had paid good money to see. The gig was a sell out, but it had all the atmosphere of a lame Tuesday club night, mid semester, when your deadlines are coming up and you know you shouldn't be out.

But Young Legionnaire just picked me right up again. I went in with low expectations, feeling damp and a bit lacklustre. I came out feeling thoroughly rocked, as if the music had penetrated my bones leaving me energised and invigorated.

Score.

My Darling, Go To Sleep For Me. I Will Breathe You In.

2011-10-02T22:03:00.004+01:00

Oh we had such fun last night. And to think we might never have gone!

The late summer weather meant the city was chock-a-block with people. We made it to The Garrett (a lovely bar next to my favourite club ever; Fifth Avenue) in time to catch the bulk of Oxygen Thief's supporting set, quickly followed by Ben Marwood.

I'd kind of expected to find a lot of Frank fans there. Whilst there were a lots of people, these were diehard Marwood fans, singing along to every word, regardless of whether they'd heard of him before April or not.

I miss student bars. Cheap alcohol, good atmosphere and nice people. I was feeling warm and happy, which might explain how I found myself getting steadily drunk.

It's a strange thing to talk to Ben Marwood when you're drunk. I watched him and Nick chatting like old friends with a big smile on my face. If nice guys finished first, Ben Marwood would be selling out the apollo by now.

Take Another Picture

2011-09-25T13:13:00.002+01:00

I usually post a rather lengthy review of Leeds Fest, but I just can't do it this year. What is a review without pictures? Dull.

My camera was a victim of this year's festival. Everyone I've told likes to assume that it was stolen. All I know is that I had it on the Sunday morning and I came home without it. A lot happened in that time and somewhere along the way my beloved camera was lost.

I've been putting off buying a new one for a while now, hoping it would turn up, but it's time to face facts.

In the grand scheme of things, something much worse could have happened over the course of the weekend. But I do confess myself a little heartbroken. I loved that camera, as I love many of my appliances.

I'm buying a new camera this weekend. I'll post more when I can take some photos again.

Use Me Up

2011-08-11T00:04:00.002+01:00

Today was a toughie.

Dark clouds gathered over my beautiful city. I walked through the station in a daze, passing sleepy twenty-somethings carrying brooms. A lump blocked my throat, choking me more with every boarded window I passed.

It's a hard feeling to convey. Shame. Anger. Hope. They all hit me at the same time and it was difficult to shake. Walking through after work was harder. Watching shutters descend and people fleeing to the train station. They boarded up doors. They pulled in tables.

The city, my vibrant, lively, cosmopolitan city was closing it's doors.

I felt used up. I've no more emotion, no more remorse to offer over this. I'm exhausted.

Tomorrow is another day. We rebuild, we recover, we move on.

You Give Her Reason For Believing

2011-07-25T23:26:00.002+01:00

I wanna give you a valuable tip: Trains, they leave earlier on Sundays.

Someone annoying (generally someone like me) will tell you that these things are a sign. Or a test. It just felt like a big humiliation as I ran through Lime Street Station like a little girl, fear manifesting in a storm of nausea in my stomach as I raced down an escalator and called for help.

I'm scared of escalators. I don't like going down them. I practically flew down this one, a small fear replaced by a more immediate one.

Everything was okay, you know. My folks bailed me out, coming to collect me and leaving me feeling more like a child than ever. In a good and a bad way, the way where you feel like you're too old to be such a fool but also the way where they make you feel so safe, like only a parent can.

I got some time to stand on the edge of the world and think. And cry, for a little bit, but that passed. You know, when I'm trying to cheer myself up, the same memory always springs to mind. We were walking through St. John's shopping centre (I don't know why, there is nothing in there) and he grabbed my hand and spun me around and around. It's always that memory first.

My best work friend came back today. She is magic.

I'm dead serious. Magic. She has this incredible talent of saying something that always makes me feel better/happy/giggle.

She just got married. And is as happy as I'd hoped. But her hubby, he has to go away to work for a few days. They've not been separated yet. She described how even thinking of him leaving made her almost inconsolable.

I'm not about revelling in others' misery, I swear, but just hearing this made me feel so much better. Not in a Schadenfreude kinda way. I've just been driving myself crazy with pity and the overwhelming fear that I shouldn't feel this way. But she made it seem so simple, so obvious:

You love someone. You miss them.

Obvious.

Why am I telling you all this? I suppose I miss sharing things here. What was a trend for my friends, was something I've been doing for a long time. An instinct, you might say. I wrote a diary from being seven years old. They're all hideously embarrassing when you read them years later, but they are my life.

And hey! The Ghost Girl tans! My forearms are half a shade less white than they were a week ago!

Come Morning, I'll Be Gone

2011-07-24T10:59:00.005+01:00

I'm leaving. In less than 12 hours. I know, because with each passing 0'clock, I count how long remains. How long until I'll wish away every second with only a few precious moments of respite.

And I'm a broken record, everyone is tired of hearing me bemoan my truly terrible situation. How awful it must be to be loved, to be happy, for everyone to make demands of your time. Pity me.

I knew that something would eventually force me to grow up. To face facts and strive, long even, for a change. I know that I won't wake up one day, thirty and still living with my parents. I just know.

But I didn't think it would be this.

I have no wanderlust. I'll do this anywhere, here or far away, if only to do it all the time.

Without consent, without warning, everything shifted. I'm a home girl, always have been, but now my home has changed, in place, in definition, in importance. And now I'm just static, constantly homesick.

Please, come home.

Magnetic North

2011-07-21T00:20:00.002+01:00

Time is slipping away. I wished it away a while ago and now I'm not sure whether I should regret that decision.

And all I want are simple things. A walk in the woods. Raindrops against the window. A dark room and endless music.

You know, I'm really okay. I'd expect myself to be angry/jealous/upset about a few things right now, but my life is set against a backdrop of contentment and impending happiness right now and I just can't muster the effort for negativity.

Things aren't perfect. My happiness is most likely more fragile than I've judged. But it's real and that's enough.

Also, I'm kind of addicted to cake.

You Write Because You Love Him

2011-07-10T22:55:00.003+01:00

It's the story of a girl.

A girl with a constant soundtrack. It hummed in the background, wailed like a banshee, embraced her with invisible arms.

But she held a pen, not a guitar. She had words, but no voice. She couldn't weave her own music, only a yarn of endless stories. She wrapped herself in them, weathering long winters and fleeting summers.

She grew taller. She grew womanly. She did not grow up.

As everyone around her grew successful or crazy or even just mature, she stared into a computer screen searching always for a new song, a new voice, a new sound to drown out the calls for her to live anywhere but her imagination.

Imagine her surprise when out of the screen came a boy.

He had words, clumsy and beautiful, so he handed them to her, like a bouquet of compliments.

She blushed, for words are far more seductive than flowers and pretty things. Words do not wither.

Half The Day Away

2011-07-07T23:21:00.002+01:00

When I was only 19, I didn't feel old enough to watch my friends get married. Well I'm 23 now and I still don't feel old enough.

What made watching Naseema (my good friend from work) get married so special was the fact that I feel like I've been riding shotgun for this whole journey. We became friends just over a year ago and she confessed to me that she was desperate to get married.

In muslim families, girls get married quite young. But Naseema was the last daughter left and her folks seemed to want to hold onto her. Eventuallly a match was found and every day I got new info on her fiance, his family, the wedding. Some days she'd march into work, mad at the world (and her future in-laws). There were many stress attacks and I talked her down from window-ledges (metaphorically, of course) more than once. We counted down the weeks together, running over every detail, until finally the day was upon me.

Asian weddings are unusual, that's for sure. Still, everyone looked beautiful and Naseema's Dad was running around, greeting everyone and beaming with pride. Bride (and groom!) literally sparkled with glamour. It was a fun day and an experience I won't forget.

And doesn't my man look dashing in his suit? Any excuse to see him in formal wear. We've been dating for six months now. Our six month landmark (I'm not allowed to call it an anniversary) was last weekend. And we were apart. Le sigh. Kind of says a lot, really. It was unavoidable, I'm not trying to blame anyone. But it can be so hard to do the distance thing sometimes.

I hope that Naseema is happy. She is a good person and has kept me sane for the last year or so. She deserves a happily ever after.

Love Is Noise

2011-06-29T01:02:00.003+01:00

In honour of Wimbledon, here's my best tennis girl pose. Just imagine I have a racket in my left hand.

I love tennis. Well, allow me to reiterate - I love ladies tennis! The hair, the grunts, the steely determination. If I can help it, I try to hardly watch any of the men's. Unfortunately, due to my work schedule, I tend to miss the bulk of Wimbledon other than the weekend coverage and running home from work to catch the late matches. But today I got to record it, come home and watch 3/4 of the women's quarter finals!

If that isn't die hard dedication, I don't know what is.

p.s. I really love wearing my hair in this ponytail/braid - it's so comfy! I can see why it's so popular with the women's tennis players.

And The Last Time You Counted You Were Twenty Three, But You Still Don't Know Who You Wanna Be

2011-06-25T21:24:00.010+01:00

So yes, whilst I was disconnected from the world, I also happened to turn 23.

23.

Well, it's not exactly a number I like, but you have to work with what you got, right? I have enjoyed odd numbers before, 17 and 19 being particular highlights. In all honesty, I was loving the second half of being 22, but it was a pretty rocky start.

There were lots of pre and post birthday celebrations which pretty much started with Nick and I going to Oxford.

It's no secret that Oxford and I haven't always gotten along. In fact, for a while there, we hated each other. But I have come to embrace the city now. This was my last visit there, possibly ever, so I wanted to make it count. And the place really is downright beautiful. For example, this is where my best friend lives (or lived, since she moved out today):

It's gorgeous. There's a deer park behind it. A bloody deer park! When we turned up that afternoon, people were playing croquet on the lawns. And I mean actually playing, not just arsing around with mallets like me and my friends would.

So the whole point of travelling to Oxford (other than some quality time with Vic) was to go to Formal Hall, something she's been trying to get me to do for three years. You get all dressed up and eat a three course meal in the college. And you can only do it when you know someone who goes there. Tres exclusive!

We all scrubbed up rather nicely, though I do say so myself (even Vic who had finished her exams a few days earlier and been trashed in her gown). I assumed pictures were forbidden in the dining hall and didn't want to make an ass of myself anyway. Needless to say, it was all very civilised. We ate cold soup, lamb and white chocolate mousse and Vic marvelled at Nick's talent to eat other people leftovers (something my parents happen to be rather impressed with too).

Oxford is a lovely place, particularly excellent for eating, which Nick and I did aplenty. From cookies to milkshakes, ice-cream and sandwiches. It ain't cheap, but it's all delicious :)

Next on the list of pre-birthday treats was the long-awaited (FIVE YEARS) Tom Vek gig at the Ruby Lounge.

You're probably aware of the Tom Vek story unless you've been living under a rock for a few months. Basically, the guy released his debut album back in 2005, did a handful of gigs and then, for all intents and purposes, disappeared.

No appearances, no cameos, no working with other artists. Nada, zip, zilch.

Pretty much every year thereafter a rumour would go around saying this was the year Tom would make his comeback, but, five years later, it was looking pretty unlikely. A bunch of sad Tom fans were left clutching their albums awaiting his return.

Then he pulled a total Radiohead on us. Suddenly he was back. New single, new video, new album and, best of all, a tour. Oh I was so there. So I dragged a rather unconvinced Nick along to hear the sounds of Mr. Vek.

And he didn't disappoint. The new album is solid, but it's grown on me more after seeing him live. Onstage he is rather shy and tends to get carried away with the music, often dancing to his own beat (so cute!) and closing his eyes as he sings. Nick and I bopped along (okay, I bopped) on the barrier, lapping up every song. Even better, that was the very night it was announced he'd be playing on the Festival Republic Stage at Leeds. Definitely gonna catch him there.

My birthday was a quiet one, which was fine by me. Got awesome presents (Vic's signed Frank Turner album being the pick of the bunch) and Nick and I went out for dinner and then to the Cornerhouse to watch Senna. I always like a quiet day, personally, and, though I still get excited about them, birthdays are starting to lose some of their appeal.

Rach's boyfriend Rob had his birthday a few days later so we combined celebrations and went out round Preston which was oodles of fun. You gotta love an alternative club! Moshing along to classic nu-rock and metal is what it's all about!

And I suppose that was my birthday in a nutshell. Now all my days off are pretty much spent up and life has become a waiting game as I slowly prepare for Leeds Fest (only two months away now!) with a few highlights on the way.

As always, since I find recording my life such a cathartic experience, I'll keep you posted!

Get To Sleep Now, Don't You Ever Wonder?

2011-06-24T00:03:00.003+01:00

Avery pressed her hands to the wall. Tonight, sleep was elusive.

She slipped through the door without a sound, tiptoeing a precarious path through discarded papers that littered the floor. The moonlight illuminated a half started, half finished, masterpiece upon the wall; Isaac never drew the curtains. The paint was fresh enough that the smell still lingered in the cool air.

She crept closer as he rolled over, eyes opening. Silently, he held open the covers, inviting her in.

Warm arms enveloped her, drawing her in tight with a satisfied sigh, as if he slept better with her in his embrace. Immediately, he was asleep once more as she lay there, tracing the shape of his arms, shoulders, neck.

She longed for home. For little sister's with endless questions. For parents with bemused expressions. For her bed. But what was it without him? Tomorrow night she would have everything she missed and no one to share it with.

A sob rose in her chest. Isaac stirred.

"Avery?"

"I'll forget," she whispered. "I'll forget how you feel beside me."

He nodded, his eyes awake now. "And then you'll remember."

She tucked her head into the curve of his neck and handed over her insomnia. He lay awake all night, memorising in preparation to forget.

With the sun rose a desperation that felt like a tightening in his chest. So many mornings he had awoken and count the days he had left, never letting himself think of the day when his time would run out.

Today.

Let's Let Nights Become Days

2011-05-26T20:11:00.012+01:00

So I know we still have a few days left (that include the birthday of a dear friend for me) but May Mayhem (or was it Madness?) is over for me. I just have time to catch up on sleep, catch up with friends and watch lots of Apprentice before June graces us with it's presence.

But I have had the most fun.

We pick up with me in Stoke along with the usual suspects:

Being entertained by these three lovely fellows:

I'm not gonna lie, we'd built Stoke up to be the big one and it let us down. Big time. Frank, Franz and Ben all did an amazing job, but the crowd were shit. And it hurt. We hadn't been able to go to the Manchester show, so this felt like the closest we had to a hometown show. Alas.

Still, the man himself did make an appearance afterwards, so that was cool:

(God, doesn't Nick look tiny?!)

Then, only 12 hours later, we were in Wales, where the scenery was beautiful but the weather was disgusting. Still, it was a lovely couple of days hanging out with Nick's family and gaining a short education on Real Ale (apparently they all fall into one of four categories: earwax, chocolate, burnt toast and citrus-y). Plus I got to go on this:

We headed back home on Monday, tired and dishevelled, only to leave almost immediately for happy cider-and-dessert-times-in-Kro-Bar and the Rural Alberta Advantage gig at the charming Deaf Institute. Rural Alberta were seriously good and, if it weren't for them being sandwiched in between Frank gigs, I'd be waxing lyrical about the evening. So I recommend them, go listen now!

The next morning, after very little sleep (seriously, I was crashing big time) we set off for Wiltshire, home of Jess and big white horses:

Then almost immediately to Bristol where I saw a Banksy!!! Well, we passed a few but this one just appeared as we were walking to the venue. So cool since I've always wanted to see one :) Bristol rocks!

So the girlies and I had a lovely night and I heard my favourite new Frank track of the three gigs: 'Redemption'. It literally moved me to tears. I love that feeling you get the first time you listen to a song and, as it unfolds, you realise it is one of the greatest songs you've ever heard. I'll never forget the first time I heard Redemption.

And oh yeah, the gig was in a church. A church and a library within two weeks. Mind-blowing stuff. (For anyone wondering, Frank did not play 'Glory Hallelujah' at Bristol, can't think why though...)

And to end our Frank stalkery jaunt, I met the lovely Mr Marwood who was a friendly, accomodating chap.

So yes, that was May Madness/Mayhem. The next time we see Frank again shall be Leeds Fest, which feels altogether too far away. I got a lovely nine whole hours of sleep last night and at three square meals at reasonable times of the day. Feeling on the road to recovery!

A few words about this tour for me. Following Frank, if only for three gigs, was everything I hoped it would be. Yes, there were lows, but the highs made up for it. The new material gives me serious musical goosebumps so I can therefore guarantee no one will be disappointed come June 6th.

And to my fellow Frank-ophiles, Skinny, Nick and Jess: you are awesome and made this past couple of weeks some of the most special of my life. I shall never forget them.

Reasons Why I Will Never Be A Perfect Girlfriend (An Occasional Series)

2011-05-16T22:27:00.002+01:00

1. I cannot cook.

I really can't. Toast, pizza and pasta are about as far as I dare venture into the world of the culinary arts. Maybe a toastie, you know, on a good day. It says a lot when your boyfriend comes into the kitchen and takes the spatula from you. But mainly it just says:

"Step away from the frying pan and get out of the kitchen."

Le sigh.

Sometimes a girl must concede defeat. I may be able to make the bake the best brownies and chocolate chip cheesecakes known to man, but I cannot cook breakfast for my boyfriend. It is a struggle sometimes to accept that the girl that you aspire to be is simply not you.

But that's okay, cause I kicked ass at cleaning up the kitchen.

The lesson: Pick your battles.

Everyone Can Raise Their Glass And Sing

2011-05-15T12:54:00.006+01:00

May is a particularly awesome month for me. I don't even care much that it's grey and rainy outside. Like Frank, I'm taking to the road.

And stop one was Lancaster last night.

I was here:
(Yes, I'd like to point out that that is a library. A real, working library. And hands down the strangest venue I've ever been to.)

To see this man:
Oh, and these two blokes:
With these two lovely people:

And here is a wee snippet of what went down:

63 Thoughts

2011-05-05T21:46:00.000+01:00

(Before I had twitter, I used to send Skinny my random thoughts. I forgot I had these floating around :)

63 - Thought I'd lost my phone at work - am enjoying the relief of finding it this morning. Blackberry time soon.

62 - Frank Turner is trending on Twitter!!!

61 - There's only one thing I want for my birthday. And today just shows I can't ever have it. But what I got was enough. It was enough. For now.

60 - I don't wanna come back to work! I don't wanna, I don't wanna!

59 - I am rocking Savage Garden on the phone. Savage Garden are like paisley - timeless.

58 - Sooooo hungry! Wonder if my brother will makes a stop at McDs when he picks me up?

57 - Your underwear/tights tip got me through go-karting today. So I owe you for that.

56 - I don't class drinks as calories when I'm working out my daily intake. Drinks magically have no calorific value in my mind.

55- What can I offer in return for Man vs. Food? It's time for MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING! Yay!

54 - The boys have introduced me to Man vs. Food - it is amazing! A man after YOUR own heart!

53 - No, it's true; I'm too nice for my own good. *Rolls eyes*

52 - Usa-chan says hello XD

51 - The weather has cooled down here! I'm so happy! I'm gonna shiver my way to work with a smile.

50 - I can haaz wetwipes!

49 - My day is a total disaster!

48 - Kyle is talking about bamboo nappies O______________O

47 - When customer services boy appeared in my dept with a huge trolley of t-shirts, I knew it was gonna be a good day. 2 hours of watching the hottest boy in Primark bend over. Bliss.

46 - Some kids put liquid soap in the fountain in exchange square! I thought that only happened in the Sims!

45 - Dangling earrings - a whole new concept to me. And prone to getting tangled in my hair.

44 - I'm addicted to McDonald's Strawberry Sundaes. Scary.

43 - In the hairdressers for the routine trim. I hate having it cut, it is sooooooooooooo long right now.

42 - I was up at 5:30 this morning out the door at 6:15 all just to get to work. It's a bittersweet symphony called life.

41 - A hard day earns ice-cream

40 - Bruised and battered in post-gig euphoria

39 - The Drums are supporting Florence and the Machine - RESULT!!!

38 - One of the KPs told me she liked my eyebrows last night: I've never been more flattered in my life!

37 - Just booked me some train tickets to Stoke for the 21st. Am super excited!

36 - A guy who just got off my train had an actual mullet! I've never seen one before.

35 - A pigeon has just boarded my train O______O

34 - Bitches with prams and Primark bags have taken over my bench -_-

33 - Me and Kylie are working with the MOST ANNOYING GUY EVER! I hate people telling me how to do my job.

32 - you can miss out on many things for the sake of embarrassment! Take a leap! Sacrifice your dignity! It may often prove to be a good decision.

31 - Vampire Weekends' 2nd album is making my day awesome!

30 - The days pass so quickly. It's nearly may. I have so much to do. only 6 Katricks left. Almost twenty two.

29 - If in doubt - go to Gemini.

28 - My train smells like apple juice. And I'm an intruder on it. The things we do for football.

27 - Its hard to forget someone when I'm surrounded by things that remind me of them. But perhaps I put those things there so as to make it impossible to forget.

26 - No matter how hellish the day has been - all I need is my iPod and Reuben. Works every time. Like flicking off my angry switch.

25 - How come so many older people still insist upon wearing their coats when the weather is quite warm? They must be sweltering!

24 - I'm sure Al Riera is walking in front of me with his WAG and his baby.

23 - I dream in hangers.

22 - Folk music and Led Zeppelin are perfect accompaniments to sunny days.

21 - May the good Lord please one day bless me with effective flirting skills. All I have is sarcasm! And that doesn't snare boys.

20 - I make them good boys go bad!

19 - New policy: no more taking calls after midnight. They only lead to trouble.

18 - If in doubt, you can't go wrong with a Caramac.

17 - When going to a gig alone, always arrive late. Not as in fashionably. As in just in time to catch the band.

16 - My Wii Fit informed me this morning that I've lost SEVEN pounds since January. I don't even know how I've done it. Perhaps all the Frank excitement?

15 - The constantine mystery goes on. That boy is full of surprises. And customer services boy STEPPED OVER ME yesterday. So humiliating!

14 - There is not a moment in my life when I would say no to a bit of Jimmy Eat World.

13 - Boys are foul, annoying, stupid, insightful, handsome, fascinating creatures.

12 - I'm in love with Ed Harcourt. Can you marry a voice?

11 - I'm suspected of coming down with a cold.

10 - I walked into work - dazed and sleepy - only to find that the ENTIRE STAFF of my floor have been reshuffled.

9 - I'm coming to Forks tomorrow!

8 - 70 minutes spent watching Lucas (more precisely Lucas' behind) is still 70 minutes well spent.

7 - People are sat on MY bench at the station. This displeases me.

6 - I'm going to the match tonight. C'mon you reds!

5 - Cecil is such a great name! I must name a character Cecil.

4 - Because it's so early my cinema ticket only cost £4! Score!

3 - I was supposed to be sending you random facts at the gig last night. But I wasn't paying attention and ended up sending about 4 to my friend Alan :S

2 - Toni is late for tonight's gig. I was nice and early and am therefore leaning against the stage. Alone.

1 - I had Gemini lasagne and chips for tea. Naturally I dipped the chips in the gooey lasagne deliciousness.

So We Dug Ourselves A Hole And Planted All Our Skin, Like A Seed In The Ground To Grow Again

2011-04-30T23:56:00.004+01:00

We can all agree that April has been a most beautiful month. I'm a little sad to see it go. I started taking photos again because I didn't feel like I had anything interesting to say. But at the same time, I didn't want to abandon my little space here. I love taking a few moments to document the days, I draw some odd satisfaction from looking back on my own life, whether through words or pictures.

But I've looked forward to looking for something to capture, as I trawl through the city, en route to work or just wandering, its kept my mind active and alert and made me happy.

Perhaps I'll continue in this vein for a while. But these are the end of my quiet April days; the hazy, lazy moments before the rush of summer. Now to May Madness...

What's The Chinese Word For Cheese?

2011-04-29T08:39:00.001+01:00

It's all too tempting to me to just post a glut of photos of my boyfriend... Terrible, but true. The people who know and love me best will tell you that I love taking photos of them. Something that I acknowledge can be extremely annoying.

It's a trait that he's slowly having to adjust to. And I give him credit; occasionally he humours me.

I've posted about Bubble Tea before. I've since tried a couple more varieties (Strawberry and Chocolate) and tried to convert a few more people (Skinny, Vic and the Oxford crew) with disappointing results. I still don't like it, but I adore the idea of it. Ridiculous really.

So I wanted to use Mr. Sweet-Tooth as a guinea pig. He didn't seem overly impressed, but he did drain his glass. I conclude that he liked it, but wouldn't drink it again. If that isn't a contradiction.

I, on the other hand, got this adorable slice of cake and enjoyed every bite. You win some, you lose some.

And What She Sees, She Sees It Like No Other

2011-04-28T16:30:00.000+01:00

The girl behind the camera no like having her photo taken. I don't so much have any issues with what I look like, just a different image of myself in my head than what appears in the photos. I'll look at them and not recognise myself, which I suppose is true for everyone to an extent, but it disconcerts me.

So this is my attempt at a self-portrait. She kinda looks like me.

You Were Washed Up On The Glittering Shore

2011-04-27T11:18:00.001+01:00

I've gotta say, we were blessed with the most beautiful Easter Sunday. Nick and I went for a walk on which I got some great shots (though I say so myself), this being my absolute favourite. For such a city girl, I love living in the suburbs.

YOU Were The KID On My Shoulders, Just WAIT Until We Get OLDER

2011-04-26T22:50:00.002+01:00

Only one of my favourite places in the world.

When I'm Sleepy

2011-04-23T19:47:00.004+01:00

Got to try to find a way, Got to try to get away

2011-04-21T23:08:00.002+01:00

I swear, I'm not obsessed.

Having given up savories for lent, I'm left with sweets and fruit to snack on. And it sucks. I only occasionally like sweets and, even then, they don't satisfy me like a sandwich or a big, salty bag of crisps.

That being said, Easter is a sweet holiday. And who can resist making nest cakes?

She Pur-Pur-Pur-purred While I Grr-Grr-Grr-Grr-Grred!

2011-04-20T19:52:00.002+01:00

I bought an ice-cream scoop this week.

I'm quite excited about it (because I get excited by things like this). I picture myself serving ice-cream floats, cones and banana splits all summer :)

And you're all invited.

This Night Is Winding Down But Time Means Nothing

2011-04-19T12:33:00.003+01:00

It's hard taking photos in somewhere so dark. Dark and seedy, tiny and charming. Somewhere like the Temple Bar in Manchester. An ongoing fascination of mine, it's basically a bar in a converted public toilet.

Weirdly enough, there's a kind of eklectic romanticism about the place. From the candles burning day and night on the tables, to the jukebox loaded with The Cure and the yellow (real) tulips in beer bottle vases.

And, as Nick likes to point out, there's no toilet! How ironic!

You Will Choke, Choke On The Air You Try To Breathe

2011-04-18T21:23:00.000+01:00

I love Chinatown. It's magical to me. If you're gonna take a city walk at night, make sure to wander through.

Just Breathe Slow

2011-04-17T20:49:00.004+01:00

I really love urban trees. In the city you seem to pass them by without even noticing. Urban planners in America were big on placing parks in the middle of cities. They believed it would create a piece of tranquility in the middle of a hectic city headache.

Manchester has a couple of parks, discreetly tucked away in forgotten corners. Stepping into them is like jumping through a portal. You can still hear the traffic, smell the smog, but everything is still.

Now All Anyone's Listening For Are The Mistakes

2011-04-17T00:35:00.004+01:00

Girls Get Like That When They Drink

2011-04-15T21:32:00.000+01:00

Here's an old one for you. April Days of last year :) Stephen Patterson (S.Pattz) makes glasses look gooooooooood.

C'mon Baby Lollipop

2011-04-14T11:24:00.000+01:00

I'm only slightly obsessed with the new Sugacane thats opened in Manchester. Apparently there's one in Bolton too. Best lollipops ever!

Everybody's Lookin' For A Blue Sky

2011-04-13T18:19:00.000+01:00

I love photos in black and white with a bright blue sky. This seems to work especially well at train stations.

Run Just Like A Rabbit

2011-04-12T23:00:00.001+01:00

It is so hard to get a good picture of my bunny, Fye. And, clearly, I have not succeeded. Alas, I shall try harder.

There Goes My Baby

2011-04-11T20:52:00.001+01:00

Ah Cecil, the love of my life.

Summers Lasted Longer Than We Do

2011-04-10T09:41:00.001+01:00

I sometimes think that it might be convenient, even nice, to have short hair. All the time I'd save! I wouldn't have to worry about knots and snags every time it's windy! I wouldn't go through gallons of conditioner. Maybe it'd even go into a pretty updo (it's too heavy and gravity defeats me every time I try).

Then there are days when my locks dry in the sun, shading my neck and blowing across my eyes and... I love it. My mermaid hair, as much a part of me as my eyes, my lips, my heart.

Lets Get Lost

2011-04-09T12:20:00.000+01:00

We Won't Be Meeting Again On The Slow Train

2011-04-08T14:48:00.001+01:00

Now I Know That It's All Been Done Before And Will All Be Done Again

2011-04-07T20:30:00.003+01:00

This Much Delight, Fills Columns To New Heights

2011-04-06T22:08:00.000+01:00

The Poet's Got Nothing On You

2011-04-05T22:03:00.002+01:00

There Was Nothing To Fear, Nothing To Doubt

2011-04-04T21:54:00.002+01:00

This Dark Moment Will Pass And Love Will Return

2011-04-03T21:29:00.002+01:00

I AM A BANANA! I'M YELLOW AND THIN! I GOTTA THICK SKIN!

2011-04-02T21:13:00.002+01:00

Lets Watch The Flowers Grow

2011-04-01T21:05:00.002+01:00

I Know You Have A Heavy Heart, I Can Feel It When We Kiss

2011-03-29T20:47:00.002+01:00

This actually made me shed a few tears. I'm so lucky.

Wait For You

2011-03-23T22:48:00.004Z

Isaac's room was an exotic land of colour; every inch of wall space was covered with canvases, photographs and smudgy charcoal sketches. The contents of his desk slumbered under a blanket of chalk dust whilst his dirty clothes, piled in a corner, were all paint-spattered.

I edged in, feeling dull against he backdrop of beauty.

One wall always caught my attention instantly. From above Isaac's bed, where the wall was most busy, the same face stared at me, over and over. Same bright green eyes, same cascade of auburn hair, repeated endlessly. Sometimes in watercolour, other times in chalk or oil pastel, as if Isaac were a man possessed, recreating the same face incessantly.

Isaac followed the direction of my gaze.

"Yeah, that's Avery," he told me.

My eyes roved from picture to picture. What kind of love inspired such a tribute? When Isaac closed his eyes, was she all he ever saw? Love seemed like too heavy a burden to carry, especially when all I'd ever seen was the misery it wreaked.

I Can Tell Stories That Most Can Hardly Dream

2011-03-05T02:39:00.001Z

You know how they say that meeting your heroes is a bad idea - they can only disappoint you, after all.

Yeah, well they're wrong. Dead wrong.

Forget My Face

2011-03-02T23:31:00.002Z

How I would curl under your arm, sleep stiffening your embrace. How you would pull me in, only half awake. How I can never sleep, not at first, longing for space

for home
for music

for you. For you I long and that's enough to sacrifice all else.

And so my eyes close. I breathe you in. Sleep comes, deep and satisfying. But I wish it lasted longer, just a little bit longer.

Before I forget.

If I Rise

2011-03-01T21:38:00.004Z

My Reaction To... The Oscars

I've actually seen quite a few of the films nominated for best film this year (Black Swan, Inception, 127 Hours, The King's Speech, The Social Network and Toy Story 3). So, after my bitterness a few years ago at Little Miss Sunshine missing out, I had a vested interest in this year.

Needless to say, I think it was all a bit predictable. I could've guessed Colin Firth would get best actor, Natalie Portman would get best actress and 'The King's Speech' would get best picture. Doesn't mean I agreed with them. In fact, Natalie Portman is one of the few choices I concur with (that and Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross getting Best Original Score).

I'm sad to see Inception be so greatly overlooked. Yes, it scooped some technical awards (Visual Effects, Sound Mixing, Sound Editing) which it richly deserved, but I felt it was the most original film up for Best Picture and should have, at least, been given Best Screenplay.

Another big loser was 127 Hours, a clear choice for Best Adapted Screenplay.

And Black Swan was a more deserving winner for Best Directing, in my humble opinion.

Disagreements aside, I feel this has been an excellent year for films. The very fact that I'm even remotely interested in what happened at the Academy Awards is proof enough for me.

I Can Hear You Louder Than Ever, Whisper To Me; Help Me Remember

2011-02-28T20:45:00.003Z

Does anyone else think Frank looks so lonely here? I want to jump into the photo and give him a friendly hug. Maybe a cup of tea.

That being said, he is the cause of my rocketing stress levels lately.

Yes, this morning was ticket gate. And it could've gone a whole lot worse. I'm just worrying about the day that Frank is playing in Manchester and I'm not going. I hope I don't do something crazy. Or stupid. Or both.

So last week (Monday onwards) was rubbish due to: boredom, guilt (it was one day off for fucks' sake, I don't even get sick pay!) and illness (oh yeah, I'd been harboring this for a while). And I'm really happy it's March tomorrow.

March is a big month for me. Nothing in particular happens (oh, except Dan finally catching up with the adults), but everything seems to depend on it. Mainly, concerning Leeds. Keep your fingers crossed for me :)

Words Are Never My Own

2011-02-16T21:17:00.002Z

Oh. Did I mention that...

...FRANK TURNER RETWEETED ME!

Don't Open Your Eyes

2011-02-04T00:22:00.003Z

I keep having the same dream over and over. Some mornings I wake up and there are just snatches of it in the back of my mind. Other mornings (like yesterday) I wake up feeling shaken and stirred, every hair standing on end. It feels so real those times. Frighteningly real. Every touch, every emotion. I've never dreamt so vividly. I didn't know I was capable of it.

It's not a nightmare. Not really. It brings me face to face with something that I'm afraid of. Still, I don't wake up scared.

It's not a recurring nightmare.

But it's something I have to resolve. I'm just not sure how. And until I figure it out, I guess I'm stuck with it, night after night.

I Could Substitute My Singing For The Sound Of Someone Sleeping Next To Me

2011-02-03T11:01:00.000Z

Maybe we're the same.
Driven by something they don't understand
Ever since you gave me your name
I felt like you offered a hand.

You Will Be There On My Mind Through All

2011-02-02T23:13:00.003Z

Since I failed to get any photos at the Funeral Party gig...

Life is good, my darlings.

And See It All, Get To Sleep Now, Get To Sleep So Easily

2011-01-18T00:01:00.004Z

The weight of the day settled upon your shoulders as you slumped back into the pillows, those brilliant eyes drifting shut. My first instinct was to shake you, to demand back the attention that had been so lavishly exercised upon me. But as a peace settled over the room, my hand was stilled.

My mind told me to pick up a pen. To carve these moments into the record books so I could remember them always.

The words wouldn't come.

My body told me to curl up beside you. To find a place under your chin where I could hide from everything, everyone.

I remained frozen.

Every breath had bore a thousand wishes, each as fragile as the next, given flight with a gasp, a shudder. The air crackled, my skin burned, secrets on your lips made my body yearn. Soft embraces became hard edges, blurring pleasure and pain, my malleable emotions were beyond control, never to be the same again.

I could grow immune to smiles, I could accept the distant miles, I could learn every single detail, I could get past the fear to fail.

But I cannot hide from what you elicit, the whisper of what lies ahead. It lurks in every corner, the only thing left unsaid.

From Your Feet Up To Your Hair, More Than Anything I Swear

2011-01-17T19:37:00.002Z

The votes are in and it's official, the hoodie just looks better on me.

I Am Ready To Owe You Anything

2011-01-13T20:51:00.003Z

Gosh, that picture is actually really creepy. My point being that I am finally getting my hair cut tomorrow. You may remember that I posted this back in September. Yes, I've been putting off cutting my hair for over four months. I am a disgrace to girlhood.
I've been neglecting you for a good reason. At least, he probably thinks he's a good enough reason. That and I got a gmail account and Blogger decided to lock me out. Again.

Kirsty loaned me Scott Pilgrim on Sunday and the urge to watch it is almost overwhelming. In fact, right now, the urge to do everything other than what I'm supposed to be doing is unbearably strong. Alas.

Do you ever wonder if happiness is like a scale? You rise up, but someone, somewhere sinks down. I hate to think of it that way, but right now I can't help but suspect that's how it works. I'm so happy, but a tiny part of me feels so guilty for being happy when people I love are so unhappy.

It's a very frustrating conundrum.

You Got A Horrid Shirt, You Gotta Comedy Sock, You Gotta Gift For You

2011-01-07T21:37:00.001Z

Thanks, it's exactly what I wanted...

It's 8am My Heart's Beating Too Loud. Too Loud.

2011-01-04T22:44:00.004Z

Like a magnet, pulled and pushed. I feel the air tugging at my clothes, pushing me back to collect the missing fragment of myself. A tiny little piece, just for you.

My heart beats against my ribcage, struggling, writhing for freedom as the world pulls me away, drawing me into icy cold arms. Like a tide, I swell and cringe, emotions ruled by the impulsive moon.

There was a secret, dancing in those bright eyes. A good one, one I would savour like sugar dissolving on the tongue. It's best left there, the thing I can never know but will always wonder.

On The Night You Left I Came Over, And We Peeled The Freckles From Our Shoulders

2011-01-02T09:59:00.000Z

I dreamt of summer. Of the taste of salt and sand whipped up in the air. Of my hair drying in the sun, soft and wavy. Of warm nights and the touch of another's feverish skin.

I longed for long shadows and ice-cream vans. I hummed MGMT. I touched my long, gypsy skirts hung, waiting, in the wardrobe. Waiting for a summer day that felt a lifetime away.

I imagined you, sunkissed and grinning, the grass tickling your bare arms. What magic would summer wreak in those eyes?

The morning awoke me with a chill. Grey light filtered through the curtains, casting monotony upon what was once beautiful. A tear slid down my icy cheek. The dream was gone, slipping away and I couldn't get warm, couldn't remember the smell of a summer storm.

I Wouldn't Walk Away From You, Even If You Asked Me To

2011-01-01T15:47:00.003Z

Happy New Year my darlings!

My emotions are up and down right now like a spiking heart monitor, so no words of wisdom (if you need some wisdom, or comfort, I highly recommend that you click here for awesome). But I can tell you that I had an excellent New Years, if not quite the one I was expecting.

When She Came Home For Christmas

2010-12-27T23:52:00.004Z

Many of Horror

2010-12-19T17:37:00.003Z

To all the kids out buying Matt Cardle's single, let me just warn you, that's money you can never get back.

White Days Like This

2010-12-19T01:10:00.002Z

Time twists things, sullying them, injecting doubts into something that was so pure, so perfect.

Snow waterlogs my brain making me dull, bland and slow to melt.

Tomorrow, the snow will remain, but gone will be this lingering demon, ready to drain the smiles from my weekend.

(I'm curing this sudden bout of meh with a little Sifl and Olly. Never fails.)

But If You Wanna Blow A Bubble I'll Bite My Gum In Two

2010-12-14T23:36:00.004Z

How is it that even a bad film can be fun when you're with your friends?

I realise as I delve deeper and deeper into music, that I know nothing. All my hard rock heritage and indie kid street cred hardly amounts to a hill of beans. I thought I was little miss music because it was always me introducing my friends to new bands (Toni introduces me to old bands and, for that, I love her), always me going to gigs in grotty little venues where the toilet is right behind the stage. I wear the t-shirts with the band names none of my friends recognise. I have a playlist for every day of the year, every person I know, every emotion I feel.

Music is a labyrinth. You dive in and get lost. You'll never know every twist and turn, never learn where every path leads. You can carve your own way through, or just appreciate the trails blazed by others. Best of all, you'll never get out. And you'll never want to.

That was either one of the deepest things I've wrote, or one of the most cliched. Either way, it's what I've learned.

I Will Not Grow Up

2010-12-12T20:02:00.003Z

So it was Frank Turner (again) last night. It was actually the only time I've seen him on my own since the first time. All those years ago when I checked him out at Leeds Fest and was just so utterly impressed, not only by him, but by his fans who knew every word. Now I'm one of those fans.

I did take some photos, but it would be pointless posting them, right? They look almost exactly the same as my Preston pics. But something unique did happen last night and I was lucky enough to video it :)

The Industry Lies

2010-12-09T23:41:00.003Z

Banquet Records (support independent music stores!) send a cute hand-written note every time you order a CD from them.

How cute, right? It's those little extras that make independents worth supporting! I remember, when we holidayed in York, they used to have the best independent record store there and they had baskets of badges on the counter with a sign saying 'Take As Many As You Like'. You would never get something like that in a HMV.

Another favourite independent of mine is the epic Wall of Sound in Huddersfield.

Remember, it's worth paying that little bit extra; If HMV became the only place on the high street where we could buy music, they'd have sudden free reign over the prices. Plus, they'd dictate what music was sold to us! And HMV can have pretty terrible taste in music (no Bishop Allen!!!)

(That being said, I got the new Frank Turner EP cheaper from Banquet than they're selling it on amazon! WIN!)

Why Won't It Snow, Like They Said It Would

2010-12-08T00:25:00.002Z

There's something to be said for the cosy aspect of winter. Buying new hats and scarves. Stomping snow off your Docs. Drinking warm vimto. Winter playlists.

Christmas Markets :)

I'm Not Yet Quite Thirty, But I Feel Like I'm Dying

2010-12-06T09:21:00.000Z

My life has hit a full stop. I'm in the same job. I'm doing the same things, seeing the same people, watching the same films. I'm in a rut.

Don't get me wrong, I'm having fun. But at the end of the week, it feels like I've done nothing.

It's times like these when there are always glimmers on the periphery, pinpricks of hope just daring me to take a chance. Take a risk. What, really, have I got to lose?

It feels like it's time to pick up my pen again. Time to start writing. It's that old, familiar itch that nags at me making everything I do to distract myself seem boring and pointless. It won't leave me alone until I give into it.

I feel ripe for another change too. I just can't put my finger on what.

You And I Could Have A Rock And Roll Romance

2010-12-05T21:09:00.003Z

We had the best night ever at the Frank Turner gig. As always. And I actually met a girl who put my Frank Turner obsession to shame. It was nice to have someone there to make me feel normal.

The beauty of a Frank Turner gig is that there's no messing around. We walked in (after queueing out in the snow for 90 mins) got our place on the barrier (ahem, front and centre) and less than five minutes later, Dive Dive were on stage.

So Dive Dive is made up of Frank's band and Jamie Stuart. I'd seen them support Frank ages ago in Oxford. They lean more towards Reuben than Frank, but they were good and their new single 'Liar' is a tune.

I was more excited about seeing Ed Harcourt, who I'm a big fan of. I saw him back in the summer (on what had to be the hottest day of the year) and he was phenomenal. And, despite being obviously hungover, he didn't disappoint. The material he played was all from his latest album, Lustre, which isn't my favourite (he has a massive back catalogue), but it worked well and Skinny was in awe when he used his loop tech to create all the backing music for his final song, Heart of a Wolf.

And then Frank :)

The set was very similar to back in March, with some new tracks from the EP and, what I can only assume is, the new album. I Still Believe went down a treat. The whole set was just clever; he'd slip in a new song and then crank the atmosphere with a classic. There was a nice solo, accoustic break in the middle and, as always, Father's Day was a beautiful, emotional performance.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, this photo is my only proof that I touched Frank Turner. He stood on the barrier, right in front of Skinny, which is rather out of character for him. Could it be that he got carried away in the moment? Regardless, I touched Frank Turner. And he was sweaty.

Can't wait for Liverpool next weekend :)

Terrible Love

2010-11-29T23:37:00.003Z

They say it's better to regret something you've done than something you've not.

They say you're on the rebound (whatever the fuck that means).

They say you'll never amount to a thing.

They're wrong.
I'm feeling much better! Back to my narcissistic (spelt that right, first time) self ;) And no more lemsips! Hooray!

So I've been trying my best with the five things daily list but I tend to fall down on the last one. That probably says something about me (inability to see things through? good intentions, bad follow up? all talk, no trousers?) but I see it as a triumph if I manage to get more than half my list completed.

Wow, what a studenty attitude. I guess you can take the girl outta uni but...

Can I Wake You Up? Is It Late Enough?

2010-11-28T12:40:00.003Z

Does anyone know who this fellow is on the back of my cover of Harry Potter? Most people have a picture of Dumbledore on theirs. I can't think who he might be!

So Wednesday night I went to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. And Thursday morning I was struck down with one gnarly cold. Total gnarlesville. I was on the cash and wrap on Friday and I don't really remember any of it. Or how I got home. I'm still a bit meh, but staying in all yesterday (and drinking lemsips, which I abhore) has got me pretty much back on my feet. Which is good cause Friday is a big deal and I need to be fighting fit again!

So, everyone has been chipping in their opinions about the film. I'll throw my hat into the ring.

I was eleven when my Dad bought me the first book (you'll realise what a strange occurrence this is if you know my Dad). I consider my generation to be the ones who have really grown up with Harry Potter (and now we're all in our twenties!). Though I'm hardly an obsessive fan, I love the Harry Potter books and imagine I will read them to my own children (should I ever have some). So the films are something of a sticking point with me.

Mainly because they're bad. Really bad. The first and second were okay but the kids' acting was (and still is if you watch them now) cringeworthy. The third was good (despite huge chunks of plot missing from it). The fourth was abysmal. The fifth picked up again. And then the sixth was the worst yet.

I went to the cinema feeling a little hesitant (unlike Kirsty who was full of Horcrux chatter). But it was actually pretty good. The acting was decent. the new additions were well picked (Bill Nighy! It ain't an English film without him!) and there were no gaping huge plot holes. I was suitably impressed.

And did I cry when Hedwig died? I'm only human you know.

On Your Request I Compiled A List

2010-11-23T23:51:00.000Z

I am a list maker. There really is something so satisfying about crossing something off the list. I adore watching my amazon wishlist dwindle and I really can't explain why it gives me so much pleasure.

So, I got the idea from one of my fave vloggers to write down 5 things I want to achieve the next day before I go to bed. Because I'm one of those people who has good intentions, but not a lot of willpower. So let's go for it!

5 Things I Want To Achieve on the 24th November:

1. Get up and wii fit
2. Finish 'The Body Finder'
3. Cash my tax rebate cheque
4. Finish my latest diary entry
5. Go see the latest Harry Potter

I may let you know if I complete my list. Like you care.

Waiting and fading and floating away

2010-11-22T13:37:00.005Z

Three films that I simply cannot wait to see:

127 hours

Just watching the trailer for this film is enough to make me well up. Based on the true story of Aron Ralston, a hiker who got trapped when a falling boulder left him pinned to a canyon wall. I suppose it just shows that sometimes the best stories are things that happen every day. It's out in the UK January 7th.

Tangled

Rapunzel was one of my favourite stories as a child. The idea of a girl with hair so long it could reach the bottom of the tower; just seemed magical. And, believe it or not, I really like Mandy Moore. I think she's one of the few singer/actresses who are actually good at both. I'll have to wait till January 28th for this guilty pleasure.

Sucker Punch

I didn't like Watchmen. I hated 300. But this film has me genuinely excited (and not just because they use Led Zeppelin and Silversun Pickups in the trailer). The story of Babydoll, a young girl with a horrific past, who must enter the world of her imagination in order to escape the mental institute she's trapped within. Imaginative, visually stunning and highly engaging. This one's out in the UK March 25th.

There's A Hope Hung High Where There's Nothing Else But Lies

2010-11-21T17:06:00.003Z

I LOVE The Goldheart Assembly. I love WAS too, but Goldheart really blew me away last night. I'm definitely gonna have to see them on their own.

All These Ruptures In Ettiquette, All This Confident Decadence

2010-11-17T00:35:00.004Z

I didn't expect to feel like this.

I expected tears. A lot of depressing music (although I have had a weird craving for JJ72 lately). Chocolate. More tears.

I thought seeing you would make my stomach eject it's contents.

There are no tears, not since the actual day. But I'm a real bitch right now, so I'm trying to avoid people I don't want to upset (and God am I failing miserably). And I saw you today and managed to ignore you. Kind of. Well, I didn't throw up anyway. And no chocolate has passed my lips (but I do keep eating oatmeal and raisin cookies, so maybe they count?)

I feel like I'm mourning the loss of how my life could have been. But, had I chose differently, perhaps one day, in the future, I would mourn the loss of the life that is now before me. If that makes any sense. I don't miss you (yet), but I miss the sense of belonging. For someone who has strived her whole life not to belong, it was nice to belong to you. And I realise I've just set feminism back by however many years, but whatever.

And as for the music... well, I'm not sure what I'll do if WAS play 'Pittsburgh' on Saturday. Maybe the tears will come then?

Her Prince Finally Came To Save Her, And The Rest She Can't Figure Out

2010-11-14T23:10:00.004Z

Paramore on Wednesday was probably the most fun I've had in months. Strange, because I was pretty resentful of having to go since it meant missing the opportunity to watch Liverpool (and stare at Lucas Leiva).

And then last night was Mark's 21st where, I am ashamed to admit, I got drunk off three bottles of cider.

Such a pretty pic of the girlies! We scrub up well.

Under the covers, I make a tent

2010-11-07T00:31:00.004Z

I have a whole weekend off with zero obligations. Here was my perfect Saturday:

12:07 - Get up.
12:08 - Make a brew
12:09 - Watch The Cut on BBC.
12:50 - Blast Frank Turner and dance around on the landing, singing at the top of my voice. Luckily, I'm home alone and the neighbors are out for the day.
13:20 - I'm up and dressed so I head out to Tesco. I get to use my clubcard. This excites me.
14:00 - Make lunch and play Fire Emblem.
15:00 - Bake Brownies
16:30 - Brownies have cooled. I taste them. They are the greatest brownies ever created.
17:00 - Internet spending. I still want Pretty Reckless tickets.
19:15 - Harry Hill making Pops and I giggle.
19:45 - X Factor. Aiden is awesome and the rest suck.
21:30 - I have a craving for Disney. Start watching Peter Pan.
22:00 - Someone mentions me on Twitter. Someone really cool :)
22:20 - MOTD. Whilst watching this I discover hilarious Masterchef spoofs on youtube.
23:30 - Brother and I collaborate to mock Pops.

I'm one of those people who needs time alone. I crave it if I'm with people for too long. It doesn't really matter what I do with that time, I just require the solitude.

Won't You Come Back Home?

2010-10-27T01:32:00.002+01:00

I would like to state, for the record, that I do not support Wigan Athletic. I just work for them.

I was all ready to post some big moan about some guy (who's an idiot) in typical cryptic blogger style. But after being locked out of blogger for three days (why d'you do that to me huh?) I find myself just happy to be back.

And it's not just that. I learned that happiness is sort of pre-disposed today. Some people are naturally happier than others. The past year I've been happiest I've been since I was a kid. Yep, there've been some ups and downs, but I'm ready to get back to being happy again.

Some things I smiled about this week:

- I saw my friend George outside Hindley train station (last place I expected to see him)
- I'm making friends on twitter. Nice friends.
- My boss (who hates me) told me he didn't want to lose me.
- The new Kings of Leon album
- My pretty new Steampunk coat arrived. It is GORGEOUS.
- I made fun of my boss (the one that likes me) and made him and my co-workers laugh
- This video

:)

All These Whispers And Promises, All The Hints And The Solid Plans

2010-10-20T23:44:00.003+01:00

I don't know why I like taking pictures of myself and sticking them in my blog. I swear I'm not that narcissistic.

Two funerals in two weeks. All I can think about is death and all my thoughts relating to it really do me no good. We were all there today. And that's all we could do - be there and love one another. There's nothing to be said, nothing to be done.

Just be there.

That's what the last two weeks have taught me.

You Wanted The World, You Wanted It All

2010-10-17T21:42:00.002+01:00

Twilight Chocolate! All the way from London. Please forgive my dismal appearance, I'm still recovering from a long week.

We Never Had A Heart To Heart, But You Still Call Me Up After Dark

2010-10-15T21:09:00.004+01:00

This pretty much sums up last night. A night, of which I had low expectations, turned out pretty sweet. For the most part. Things got a little rough when we thought Vic was gonna get taken to hospital. But then she barfed all over the pavement (and poor Dan and Louise) and all was well!!!

Pah, it's been such a shit week. It was good to put aside all the sadness for just a few hours and have some mindless fun. And there were cookies. The cookies have softened me up. Oxford, you're alright.
As for my anger experiment, it's gone pretty good. But I've discovered that I'd rather be really pissed off than just sad. Sadness makes you empty, lethargic and just plain boring. The whole world turns the colour of porridge. I'd rather paint the town red and reap the consequences.

That being said, HAPPY BIRTHDAY VIC!

Stop that, quit! - All that, quit! Who ruined it? You did!

2010-10-11T21:59:00.002+01:00

No anger today. Just a funeral. And, oddly, a lot of Deftones.

Funeral gave me a lot of 'what if's to dwell on (none of which are remotely productive, so I won't share them). Now I just feel really tired, like all the get up and go has been drained from me.

S'been a weird day. But I'm two days down, anger free.

Your Best Bet Is To Stay Away Motherfucker, It's Just ONE OF THOSE DAYS

2010-10-10T01:01:00.006+01:00

I'm an angry person.

I have 'Break Stuff' days. Generally at least one a week. And that's a pretty good week for me. I like being angry. It's who I am. There's something so satisfying about getting seriously pissed off. Like finally scratching an itch you've been struggling to reach.

Does it shock you that I'm listening to Limp Bizkit as I type this? Almost like passive anger! I need one last hit before I say what I'm about to! I'm sucking in the swear words like licking cocaine off the paws of a cat.

So I had this idea that I would try to go a whole week without getting angry.

*Pause for laughter*

I'm being told all the time that anger is not constructive. Consider me an anger junkie trying to go cold turkey to see if I can do it. And maybe even to see if life is better/easier without anger (yeah, right).

Lets face it, I'm probably going to fail. Just to give you an idea of how little it takes to make me angry, I got pissed off a few hours ago because no one wanted apple pie and custard. For real. In reality someone I kind of like is probably gonna get booted off X Factor tomorrow night and I'll just see fucking red and it'll be all over with.

But maybe I won't.

Just gonna take one more passive anger hit and then... THE EXPERIMENT BEGINS!!!

I'd Prefer To Be Remembered As A Smiling Face, Not This Fucking Wreck Thats Taken It's Place

2010-10-04T21:11:00.002+01:00

I feel like such a fraud.

I have all these grown-up responsibilities. I pay taxes. I'm in a union. I book hotel rooms. I pay rent.

But inside, I still feel exactly the same as I did when I was fifteen. I love Twilight. I waste hours on video games. I get nervous when I ask for an alcoholic beverage (I know, right?). I stay up too late.

Every step I take, I feel as though I'm lying to everyone. Like a little girl dressed up in my big sister's clothes. And I guess that's the problem, I'm doing all the things I'm supposed to. I'm putting on a good show. I just don't believe it myself.

Am I the only person that feels this way?

You Spent The Evenin Unpacking Books From Boxes

2010-10-03T16:12:00.003+01:00

Don't hate me.

I'm debating what I want for Christmas. I've got a lot of gift giving events to think about right now. Which I love. I'm a big lover of spending money and searching for the perfect present. Although lately it's ocurred to me that giving of your time is a much bigger sacrifice than giving of your money. Time isn't something I can spare right now.

Back to the point. My parents give me a Christmas budget each year for a present. My Grandmother will generally add to this. So I have a price range. And I've been toying with the idea of getting a kindle.

Digital books are a much slower revolution than digital music and a lot of purists find the idea of electronic books abhorrent. I'm on the fence. But a kindle would make perfect sense for my commutes. I'm practically eating books right now and carrying them around/waiting for them to arrive/storing them once they've been read is becoming something of a headache.

I don't consider electronic books to be a moral debate. Publishing houses are still getting the same return without the cost of printing. And I don't wanna be one of those people who refuses to let go of the past.

But books aren't like CDs, or even vinyl. There's a certain romanticism to being sat in a park/on a train/curled up in bed with a good book.

Ohhhhhhhhh, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know!

Darlin' Don't You Go And Cut Your Hair

2010-09-30T00:56:00.003+01:00

"Really rocking the mermaid look these days eh babe?"

I didn't realise my hair had gotten that long until it was pointed out to me. Truth is, I can't afford to get my hair cut until I get paid in a couple of weeks. And I hate getting my hair cut. Plus I've decided I have to go somewhere new and expensive this time which just adds a whole other level of procrastination to the process.

Ah shit. NO BIG HAIR.

I Used To Complain, Now I Don't

2010-09-19T10:16:00.000+01:00

Holy crap, mere words cannot express my love for White Rabbits.

The gig was probably on the most inconvenient night that ever existed and I had to overcome overtime, squabbling boys, lack of sleep and torrential rain just to get there. But it was worth it all.

White Rabbits are pure energy onstage. The double percussion makes for something special and unique, visually as well as audially. I love indie bands with piano, but these guys are so ridiculously talented that at various stages of the show they all just swap instruments. And they have two great vocalists!

Plus they always play my favourite song (Midnight and I) which always wins me over.I loved it. It was exactly what I needed. Still, it won't be long until I get that gig itch again.

By the way, these beautiful photos were (of course) not taken by me, but by this very nice photographer who just happened to be stood in front of me.

I'm Miss Nothing, I'm Miss Everything

2010-09-18T18:42:00.006+01:00

I really miss it. Even though it was three weeks ago now. As the summer dwindles away (and it wasn't really much of a summer) all I have to do is listen to Band of Skulls or The Drums and close my eyes and it feels like I'm still there. Le sigh.

This year was the year of the brownie for myself. The very nice people at this stall were selling homemade cakes and hot beverages and I kept going back for a nice brew and a brownie to consume whilst watching a band. Really, I think that's what my heaven would be like: nice cuppa tea and great live bands.

Highlights of the weekend:

- Frank Turner (he played new material!!!)
- The Drums (waited most of Saturday to see them and Jonny did not disappoint with his mad dancing skillz)
- Hadouken! (always a crowd pleaser)
- Arcade Fire (they absolutely blew me away. The crowd was small, ridiculously so, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Spent the entire set dancing and stomping my wellingtons)
- The Goldheart Assembly (first thing Saturday morning, a very nice, tidy set. And they're supporting WAS in November!)
- Adam Green (the only highlight of Sunday; he was his usual boisterous self, blowing many kisses)
- 3OH3! (can't quite explain this one, but credit where credit is due, they were great)
and
- WEEZER (one of only two bands we saw on the main stage. Loved every second - just as epic as I'd imagined)

It was a good year. Hardly any rain; plenty sunshine, but very cold. Saw 28 bands in three days (full sets) and that's a job well done in my book and was at the front for Frank (mission accomplished). Oh Leeds, how I love thee.
.

Won't You Lower Your Sword And Your Shield?

2010-09-03T22:18:00.002+01:00

Here's the cliff notes version of my life as of RIGHT NOW:

- Just watched Clerks with Toni and Kyle. They have cool cats.
- Mmmm, pizza.
- Boys in CEX are cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute!
- Getting over festival flu. Slowly.
- Double shift at work tomorrow. Boo.
- My phone is in love with Skinny's phone.
- Met some porn stars at work today. Twin pornstars. Nice girls.
- I'm not joking.
- Band of Skulls are my iPod's flavour of the month right now.
- Scott Pilgrim changed my life.

-Frank Turner made my Leeds Fest (I'll give more detail on this when I'm not so epically busy)

I'm A Loser Baby

2010-08-25T01:45:00.003+01:00

Does anyone remember this? I know there's only one person that cares, but yes, I was beaten by Cal 7-8. It was his bonus pick that screwed me over. Dammit, I'll win next year.

Please wish me dry weather for Leeds.

Sleep Now In The Fire

2010-08-21T01:24:00.003+01:00

I've been rather quiet lately, hm? I guess I think it's better to not write anything than to post something petty, so I've been abstaining.

Today we had to evacuate Primark. The fire alarm went off at 11:30 and we all just looked at each other, waiting for it to stop. Thirty seconds later everyone started to move towards the doors. My friends were gleeful, but I was in a city blurred daze. A cloud of black clad Primark folk converged in Piccadilly Gardens, like some bizarre funeral procession.

It was weird. But fun, very fun.

The Beast Within The Burden Is All Mine

2010-08-14T13:01:00.003+01:00

I'm not having a particularly good weekend. I guess it's true - you can't escape Friday the 13th. If it's alright with everyone, can I just go back to bed and sleep until Monday?

But no, Monday isn't safe either. How about until Leeds Fest? Perhaps I'll go to Leeds Fest and then never come home.

My apologies for being ornery.

Come On Do Your Worst

2010-08-05T21:16:00.002+01:00

A very lovely day today. Trying, but lovely. I am all smiles tonight. Which is exactly what I need the day before I go to Oxford.

I'm not very good at Oxford. But that's the next thing on my list! I will carry my happy mood through the weekend. Let's remain positive! I know that's not exactly my strong point, but a girl can change. As Frank would say, try this at home.

I like using song lyrics for titles; I think I'm gonna stick with it.

It's Only Been A Week, But I Know That You Are Mine To Keep

2010-08-05T00:32:00.004+01:00

Okay, so I'm loving some things this week. And I wanna share them with you.

1. INCEPTION - Me and Ally Pally went to see it yesterday and holy shit. It more than lived up to it's stunning reputation. Total mind fuck. Al' leaned across to me halfway through and whispered, "Shit, this is better than drugs". So true, so true.

2. Darwin Deez - (see title) He has the worst haircut in music history (quite a feet really) but he bangs out some catchy tunes. Love him.

3. Georgie - today was my last day working with a co-worker who is utterly insane. But sweet as hell. I shall miss her muchly.

4. Mint aero - don't know why, but it's high on the nom list in the Ellison household.

5. Customer Services Boy - HE'S BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! And he's cut off all his hair :( and still manages to be cute :D

6. THIS SONG - 20 listens, 30 listens, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, on the phone, in the morning, last thing at night, naked (!), working out, whilst sleeping, eating, breathing - it never gets old!