Thursday, October 29, 2009

You'll Never Really Understand

Lately I've been thinking about change. I'm happy to sit by and watch as everything around me changes. All but one thing.

The stadium is my lifeboat. It's work. Underpaid, overrated and sometimes it drives me crazy. But it's also magical. Work can cure almost anything. It is the one place in the world where I am always useful and reliable and welcome.
I've given up trying to make anyone understand what I find so comforting about my job. I guess it must be difficult to look past the grossness of not only what I do (um, which often involves sticking my hands down plugholes/grids/food disposals) but also my position in the food chain (second, only just above the commis chefs).

Every shift at my job is different. Every night/day has it's own story/scenario/gossip. Petty, but I love it.
Seriously, at what other job do you walk into a lift that already has ex-England player David Platt stood in it? Or see Mario Melchiott fart in the corridor (true story)? Or cater for Tony Blair (we all had to get police checked for that one)? Is your job that cool?

But really it's the people I work with too. I've never been able to act so immature and actually call it work. From hiding car keys, to sanitiser fights, childish pranks (involving paper hats) and wars with the KP's sworn enemy (scum-sucking waiters!). Some shifts I spend more time giggling than anything else.

When I graduated, I really had no idea what came next. I'm still figuring it out. And the stadium is giving me all the time I need to do just that. It keeps me focused, keeps me in the black, keeps me social. It never abandons me. At a time in my life when I really have no fucking clue what I'm supposed to do, who I am, who I want to be... it helps to have somewhere where I know exactly what to do, who to be.

And I guess that's why I just can't give it up. Not yet.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Baby Steps

Sometimes life can narrow to tiny points of pleasure. A new CD, a trip to the cinema, coming home to X Factor, the promise of Gemini.

A win against United.

Some people may judge those who need these things to make it through the week. Who cherish such tiny, simple delicacies. But I pity the people who need big social drama, huge, expensive nonsense, Paris and Vienna... because they will always struggle to be happy.

Me? I always have the means to make myself happy again :)

I've been rampaging through some films! So a couple of pointers for ya, should you find yourself in need of entertainment:

Adventureland - Watched this a couple of days ago. Initially the fact that it's from the makers of Superbad can either attract or repel you. Um, it's nothing like Superbad. There is the occasional bad taste joke, but the film is, at heart, a love story. A summer love story (surely the best kind?). I watched this with two boys and they were, um, less than impressed. I loved it, but I have the hots for Jesse Eisenberg and think Kristen Stewart is an excellent actress (in everything except Twilight).


Little Ashes - Yet more Twilight-related fayre! RPattz plays Salvidor Dali in this. And he's very good. But that's the only saving grace of this film. The story is... boring. And I'm a history geek! Dali's character is very irritating. Total snooze-fest really.


American Teen - I wanted to watch this when it was playing in Manchester for like two weeks, but never had the time. The basic premise is that a documentary team filmed the senior year of four students in a typical high school in Warsaw -the jock, the geek, the princess and the rebel. Not surprisingly enough (in the era of Juno) the main focus was on Little Miss Rebel Hannah Bailey.

Hannah's story is indefinitely the most interesting, but I found myself sucked in by the others as well. It was tempting to wonder if certain elements of the documentary weren't... twisted, but regardless this is still better than most of what's cluttering the cinema listings right now. I was cheering all of the kids on and was left feeling satisfied by an ending that avoided over-sentimentality.


Tonight I'm off to see the Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus. We'll see if it lives up to it's reputation!

Friday, October 23, 2009

My Place And Yours: On The Shelf

I love blogger games! Check out the My Place and Yours Meme and maybe even play along?

Next week's theme is already up, but I'm just gonna sneak this one in here quickly.
This week's theme was On The Shelf and since I was kinda pressed for time, I wasn't very creative, I'm afraid.
Here's my beautiful DVD collection guarded by my faithful henchmen:

And then the bottom view of my over-stuffed book cabinet. The books to the left of Vic and I are the "To Read" pile.

Finally my ABSOLUTE favourite shelf that holds some of my many Clamp in 3d figures. They're all so cute, I just love them!

Next week's theme is 'Bedside' so expect another post from me during the week. Hopefully I'll get to see some cute bedside photo's from some of you guys too!

Question Time

So I missed a lot of crucial viewing last night and am in the middle of getting caught up. Of course, the hair show was worth it, but I'll blog about that later.

We're only 20 minutes into Question Time and I'm speechless. Of course, I expected an attack on Nick Griffin, but this is massacre! And on the BBC! They've sat him next to Bonnie Greer, for fucks' sake! Mikey is clapping and cheering every time Jack Straw says anything (alas, he is a hopeless Socialist). If it weren't so serious, I'd be laughing.

Not that I'm complaining. It makes for highly entertaining viewing, but I truly have no words.

I would recommend anyone to watch it. Tis on catch up for the next week.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Sons Of Liberty

I'm really, really pissed off right now.

And the urge is to go into a HUGE rant and use every bad word under the sun. But fuck that shit. My rants are legendary and I reserve them for BIG DEALs, not things that just happen to hit one of my rather sensitive nerves.

ARGH, but my fingers are just chomping at the bit to write exactly what I'm thinking right now.

Screw it. I'm not seventeen anymore. You'll just have to use your imaginations.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Cold, We're So Cold!

My house is... cold. As Autumn chill creeps over the north west, the recession remains. Heating, gas, the fire... they all cost money. And since Rob and I aren't working full time (and are electricity junkies), we have forfeit our right to complain.

It's actually not that bad. Like right now I'm wrapped up in jeans, my new Frank hoodie (best money I ever spent) and my big ugg/type slippers (one of the best gifts I ever received, cheers Kirsty!). And I'm fine. I have tons of hoodies, jumpers, boots, scarves, hats... I'm a winter clothes freak! I can weather this storm no problemo!

The weird thing is, the cold makes me reluctant to do normal things. Like at night I am loathe to change into my pyjamas! I would sleep in my clothes if it weren't gross. And showering... no, no, no! Our bathroom really is freezing and stripping off for a shower is less than pleasant. Don't get me wrong, I am showering, but it sucks.

But there is something I love about the cold. It's the relief of coming home, out of the cold, the necessity of warmth over appearance. Curling up with a good book and a brew. The fact that the kitchens at work are never cold so I can still walk around in a t-shirt somewhere. I'm a preparation fanatic and I like being able to go out with my backpack knowing that I'm ready for whatever you can throw at me! Umbrella, check. Scarf, check. Gloves, check. Bus money, check. I'm waterproof, warm - I'm fucking invincible!

Saturday, October 17, 2009


I'm grinning so hard still! It was so so so so so good! Not that I expected any less.

The whole day was awesome. A big thanks to Toni and Dan (mostly Dan) for just putting up with my general weird/nazi/obsessive-ness. You guys rock!

But not as much as Mr. Turner and his terrific band who put on a truly legendary show to a legendary Manchester crowd. Oh yes, I was hanging on the barrier (yep, those pics aren't zoomed, I was that close), screaming along almost every word. I will most certainly be unable to speak tomorrow. Who cares? Speak is for the weak, lolz.

On my count Frank played a whopping TWENTY songs. I won't post the setlist (wouldn't want to spoil the surprise for Skinny and Jess) but it was good. Maybe not as good as it would've been if he'd played 'Our Lady Of The Campfire', but he did Father's Day which has become a real favourite of mine :)

Yes, Toni met Frank. Yes, I am very much green with envy. But I've had my chances. Maybe I am destined to always be at the front of his shows but never meet him. I can live with that.

See you in March my old friend. I'll miss you till then.

In other news, today I added to my little family of metal. Meet Esmeralda! Right now she's a real bitch, but really I love her lots. She didn't hurt too much, but whenever I grin I get a shooting pain in my ear. Ouchie!

Esme(ralda) is named after a beloved piercing now gone. Gone, but now never forgotten.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

You Will Make Me Sick Till The Day I Die

Have you ever just known you shouldn't do something? But sick fascination leads you to do it anyway?

Then you feel sick to your stomach and have no one to blame but yourself.

Next time, trust me, just DON'T DO IT.

(Skinny, are you ever gonna text me back??? If you don't wanna go I'm gonna go on my own.)

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Glutton For Punishment

Life has become a little vampire-centric of late. First there's the story (which is going slowly, sorry Al'), then my TV viewing (Vampire Diaries and True Blood - and can I just say now that I love love love Jessica! She's my absolute favourite character! And her and Hoyt... too perfect!) and soon Twilight fever will flare up all over again.

My silent prayers have been answered and life is getting busy again :) lots of work and sweet friends clamouring for my company as well as the promise of Frank Turner on Friday... um, squee!

I wonder if people get defensive because they're being attacked or because they feel guilty. Lately it feels like my parents are judging every move I make, but when I confronted my Mother about it she seemed genuinely surprised. So maybe I just feel guilty.

Or it's a little bit of both?

It's tough being a grown-up. I'm learning that quickly. I go see Mike and it's strange how my heart fills with envy and longing when I see all the students. I walk amongst them but I can feel the difference between us now, even if no one knows I'm not a student.

Yeah, it's hard growing up. God, I should cut my folks some slack.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009



16th March @ The Picture House, Edinburgh
17th March @ Academy 1, Manchester
18th March @ Academy 1, Leeds
19th March @ Academy 1, Bristol
21st March @ Academy 1, Birmingham
22nd March @ The Waterfront, Norwich
23rd March @ The Pyramids, Portsmouth
24th March @ The Roundhouse, London

OHMYGOSH! ACADEMY 1 BABY! Frank is moving UP in the world! To think, I saw him in that tiny pub in Oxford not a year ago!

I'm going for tickets on Friday, if you wanna come, let me know!

edit: Even better, it's only 3 days before our Dan turns 20!

Did October...

...just sneak up on anyone else?

I think the transition from September to October is just so weird. One minute you're maybe thinking about putting on a jacket, the next the fire is on, it's dark by six and the sun has gone AWOL.

It hit me today when we were out and my hands were freezing.
"Maybe I should buy myself some new gloves?"

NEW GLOVES?! Not two weeks ago me and my workmates were sunbathing on our break! Now I want gloves? It really makes me so sad. And yet there is something romantic about autumn too. Not the hot, fiery, impulsive romance of summer, but rather the quaint, cliched, walking through burnt orange trees and sipping hot cocoa kind of romance.

On the other hand, I went internet-window shopping for a new winter coat yesterday and YIKES! Geesh, they are all so expensive this year! Last year I paid £50, but this year I'm looking at at least £70 for a new coat from Topshop! I may just have to freeze :(

Tuesday, October 06, 2009


My life is slowing to a stop. I knew this would happen. Vic, Dan, Al and Skinny are all back at Uni. Mikey's classes have started. Toni, Kirst and Urky are working (plus Urky is busy with her new boyfriend :P ). And Mark's at college.

I am bored.

This is what I get for workin' my ass off whilst they were all free. Yep, now work has dried up and I have nada to do. Except look for more work. Which makes me feel a little queasy.

I got my blood donor card today. Yay for me I'm A+!

So there's this guy at work, Alex. I cannot stand this guy. He annoys me by just breathing. And it's not just me (though I hate him the most). But today it got me thinking; are some people just particularly annoying or are we all annoying to certain kinds of people? What worries me is the fact that Alex is completely unaware of how annoying I, and some of the others, find him. What if he's never aware of it?

Could I, then, be an Alex and blissfully unaware of the fact that I'm really irritating?

If I am, can someone please tell me.

Sunday, October 04, 2009

Olly Olly Olly!

So the final 12 are finally picked. Now I'm throwing down my allegiances! I LOVE LOVE LOVE OLLY OLLY OLLY!
And will back him all the way. Oh, and I'm soooooo glad that the results are gonna be on Sunday this year! Now maybe I'll get to vote some weekends!

Other than Olly I've decided to back Lucie, who I really liked from the beginning. She's so, so pretty.

Other than that my only thoughts are that Louie has no chance this year! If those horrible twins don't go out next Sunday, I'll be highly shocked. But more than them I really hate that Joe guy! EW, he's so greasy and fake and not talented.

Never mind, Olly's gonna blow 'em all out the water!

Vampire Diaries

Al was like "omigosh, you have got to watch Vampire Diaries!".

So I downloaded the first ep. Man, it was so cliched and not even kinda sexy. At least with Twilight and Buffy and even Roswell, there's chemistry and it's hot. This was just so sterile and formulaic.

So I was thinking, huh, I bet I could write something like this. There's a formula to these kind of shows/books and it goes a little something like this:

- Has often either: lost a parent/sibling, moved to a new town or both.
- Is pretty. But kind of misunderstood.
- Keeps a diary.
- Has friends but they are either: really vapid to make her look deep, in some way supernaturally helpful or there purely for comic relief.

- Is hot.
- Has a stupid/ridiculously outdated name (Edward being the exception here)
- Dresses old-fashioned/nondescript
- Has long hair. Never ever do hot vamps have a buzz cut.
- Funky coloured eyes. This is important. Whether golden, piercing blue or ruby red.
- Broods. A lot. Starts a lot of sentences he's not good at finishing.

The town is generally hick, but it does have some sort of dramatic scenery (e.g. forests, cliffs or a beach).

Am I right on the money? I'll let you know how it goes.

(By the way, Vic's got me totally addicted to Farmville. But as I am forced to use facebook (ahem, Toni's facebook) to play on it, I am getting more and more freaked out. Gah! What useless shite people post on there! God, I don't care if you're going out/can't sleep/having a brew! What made you want to tell me about it? I couldn't give a shit!)

Friday, October 02, 2009

Everything Reminds Me Of You

When it rains the whole world feels gloomy. And I think too much. I am contemplating everything, but mainly my own potential.

I am so busy writing to you, writing to people faraway, people across the road, people at work. I write to you all but never to me. I invest my hours in you, in them, in that. But your worlds will all turn without me.

I miss someone so dearly. Everything reminds me of them. Songs, places, even some of the things I say. My memories are tainted with their fluorescent glow and everything now seems so grey. I'm not convincing myself that it was more than it was. I lose and gain people so often. But I never wanted to lose this one, that is the truth. And at some point I maybe could have kept them.

And I'm tired of goodbyes. Tired of needing people to show that they miss me. If you don't miss me, I understand. You don't have to put a conscious effort into it. Right now, I wouldn't miss me either. So when you go away, when you went away, I'll just miss you. Don't miss me. Just come home one day.

So I have to start somewhere. I think it has to start with me. And then the others will follow, more vibrant and beautiful, but they will walk the path that I blazed for them. If I cannot be beautiful, I will create beautiful things.

For you. The people I always thought would one day be second to someone else, but now I know that can never be. He will only ever be second to you.

Maybe you'll tear your hair out that I'm not saying everything in black and white, but today is grey, grey, grey. And you don't have to know what it means, I only have to say it. That's the point, don't you get it? It's not for you, for them, for that. It's for me.

I send this babble of thoughts out into the world inside my computer, but it can only drift so far so long as it is irrevocably tied to me. Like floating notelets.