There's one thing that I know I'm good at. And lately I've had doubts whether I actually am as good at it as I thought.
People have this ability to knock you down. And the worst part is that most of the time they never realise how they've hurt you. When I have a bad night at work, I think about all the things I'd say if I were to quit right then. But I can't quit. When you have big plans you need hard work to fuel them.
So I just keep going.
I am excited about all the wonderful things waiting for me this summer... but it's all tainted. By failure. Uncertainty. Impending loneliness.
I've been writing. I think it's really good, for once. I'm doing the write what you know thing, even though I don't believe that. And someone keeps bugging me about guest blogging next week. Maybe a week of silence is what this space needs.
I do apologise. I generally hate when people write self-pitying posts. Am I self-pitying? Or stoic? Or just scared shitless?
It kind of says it all that I don't know.