Friday, February 27, 2009

The Younger Daughter

I was meant for the tall daughter. Like a bottle of wine brought to a dinner party, I was here as a token. A favour to help my elder brother get into her brother's pants.

"He's pale."

I didn't even flinch at this judgement. I was pale.

Eli, my brother, was already trying to drop me like a hot potato. And who exactly catches hot potatoes, by the way? Even my brother isn't stupid enough to handle a hot vegetable with his bare hands.

"Well your sister's no prize either."

This was the dance. The two of them were circling already. The outcome being that eventually one of them would make the first move. Dignity or bragging rights were at stake, I wasn't sure which.

The tall sister was eating a Popsicle. Her lips ran up and down it's length, her tongue flicking the tip. But she aroused no feeling within me, even with her borderline pornographic eating habits. And Eli was gone, prancing after his prey (or predator, the dance had not yet yielded a victor).

And I was alone at the barbecue with no connection to this place other than the fact my brother had given her brother a blow job last week.


The music was terrible. One of those bands that always turn up on the Father's Day compilation CDs they push at ASDA. The tall sister was flirting with a thick set guy in a rugby shirt. He had moobs, for fucks sake, but she was already all over him, like ice cream dripping down a cone.

I could have walked home. I would have walked home. I even turned to go. But it's the old cliche; the second I turned around I saw her.

The little sister. The younger daughter. The jam on what would otherwise be a dry, stodgy peanut butter sandwich.

You get the picture.

Her feet were bare. I've always had a real thing for the sorts of girls in fantasy novels; necromancers and fae, vampires and witches. The younger daughter was a pixie. Her sundress could have been made of spun silk, her dark hair swallowing the moon whole.

She looked up at me and smiled. At least in my head she did. In reality she was curled up on a garden bench looking fierce and unapproachable. And, heavens be, the girl was listening to an iPod!

It was in that moment I hit a crossroads. Either there was a God and he was rewarding my abstinence (though to be fair it wasn't exactly voluntary) with a soul mate. Or there was a devil and he was dangling what I could never have in front of my very eyes (well, my eyes behind my glasses. If he were dangling it before my eyes it would have just been a colourful blur).

Glass half empty, or half full? Did I approach the girl and risk humiliation, or did I walk away and suffer not knowing?

I didn't make the decision in the end. She did.

Thursday, February 26, 2009


I hate all this 'credit crunch' jargon and bullshit. I'm just waiting for someone to tell us that we're in the midst of a depression. Why can't people understand that this is just the way that capitalism works? I learned about this when I was just fifteen. My History teacher called it the cycle of prosperity.

In lay man's terms - what goes up must come down.

But it will go up again. And as much as it sucks right now (and boy does it suck) in time things will get better.

Today has been a horrible day. It started off well and then just took a nosedive. So many disappointments and arguments. But still, I like to think that for every bad day I have, someone has a good one. Just like the circle of prosperity.

I hope it was you.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Honey Bunny

My Dad has allergies to dust mites so we've never been able to have cats or dogs. But unfortunately we happen to be a family of animal lovers. My brother and I had a slew of Hamsters when we were younger, but, as much as I loved the Hamsters, I always, always wanted a bigger pet.

The idea of a rabbit appealed to me when it became clear that I was going to be commuting to Uni. He was my first year splurge when I got my student loan. He's perfect because he lives outside so his fur doesn't affect my Pops and he's big enough to have a personality of his own, just like a dog or cat.

The entire family adores Fye, even my big, tough brother. The thing about having a pet is that they love you unconditionally, they miss you when you're gone and get excited when you come home and they're always there to listen to you (even if, of course, they have no idea what you're talking about).

Tuesday, February 24, 2009


So my only New Years resolution was to go to 8 gigs this year. I could have come up with many things, but I wanted something positive and doable. My previous record for a year is 7, thus trying for 8 this year.

This weekend was the first of the 8 with Emmy the Great. We're going seeing Noah and the Whale in two weeks (number 2). I'm very much hoping to go see the Maccabees in Stoke at the end of March (3). I've booked tickets for Scott Matthews in May just now (eeeeeeeeeeeeek!) (4). We're going watching Russell Howard in June (does he count? If I don't make it to 8 music gigs I'm just gonna count this as a gig) (5). And then me and Mum are watching Kings of Leon in June (6).

That's right, I could be three quarters of the way to my goal by June! And who knows, I may end up going to watch Friendly Fires or someone in Oxford (must discuss this with Vic) before then. Plus Frank Turner is touring in September and I'm hardly gonna miss that. I am so gonna nail this resolution!

All that said, I am hugely excited about seeing Scott Matthews. The last time we saw him was one of the best gigs I've ever been to. He's amazing, incredible, enchanting, mesmerising live. After a horrible couple of days, this is exactly the kind of good news that I needed.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Wrap Me In A Blanket, Hold Me So Tight

It's been a long weekend, one of the longest of my life. And things haven't exactly gone to plan. I'm still rather exhausted. Can we talk about it tomorrow?

Wrap Me Up In A Blanket,
Hold Me So Tight,
Are you the surgeon or the busker?
It doesn't matter tonight.
I've seen love with my own eyes,
I've seen what it can do
I'm sorry I don't want it,
I just want to feel safe with you.

Sunday, February 22, 2009


I'm sat at home waiting for Skinny to come pick me up. Got 8 hours sleep last night so I'm feeling good. Skinny is rather late, but this is not unusual.

Tonight we are off to see Emmy The Great.

I'll tell you all about the party and the gig and everything when I return.

Donkey Kong is a Quiche.
I can't wait much longer to start reading.
Where will my Milk Tray man go for his coulis now?

Little bit o' code language for ya there.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Friday, February 20, 2009

Dirty Little Secret

I'm feeling a little worse for wear. Dan and I have been cleaning (deep cleaning) Toni's flat in preparation for the party. Now it's time to chill and have a brew before we start decorating. This place was diiiiirrrrtttty, no really.

I'm so looking forward to the party now though. I think I'm most excited about seeing Vic again. A month suddenly feels like a long time to go without hanging with her. I'm glad that Toni didn't let her sadness stop her celebrating something as monumental as turning 21. I think 21 is a way bigger deal than 18.

Dan and I have made the most incredible parcels for our game (Pass The Parcel, duh). Dan is currently ordaining them with stamps.

So, so, so tired. Blogging tomorrow is gonna be a nightmare. I might have to schedule a post (is that cheating oh gods of Nablopomo?)

Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Hudd

Huddersfield is rather pretty. Almost prettier than Oxford. And this is the last Uni on my list to visit so now I can compile my review of my friends' Universities'.

Dan and I are having a nature nurture debate. How collegiate!

Dan has just told me that my love of geeks is predisposed.

The train journey here was one of the nicest I've taken.

Funny really, but I'm pretty happy right now. Can you imagine the whole world falling down around me and me just stood there smiling? That's how I feel right now, contented in my self-made chaos.

Maybe sometimes we need to break things to remind ourselves that we're strong enough to fix them too. I'm very good at fixing parties, cakes, iTunes, moods... Maybe people have to fix each other?

Or am I really broken? Perhaps this mess is my natural habitat? And is that so bad?

Argh, I need musical wisdom!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I Made Cookies

Not for me, of course. I'm practicing for the party and I'm not completely satisfied with how these turned out. I'll take them to Dan's tomorrow.

The party is so on people! Toni is back on her party game so expect some wicked fun on Saturday!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Billboard Beauty

Chocolate muffins...

Big bowls of cereal...



Rolo cookies...


These are the things that I dream about.

My jeans are baggy and don't fit right anymore. I have a new dress for the party. I flirted with a cute boy in Cafe Nero. People say that losing weight doesn't change you. It's all a load of bullshit. All my life I've glared enviously at skinny people. Sure, they have problems too (like oh no, my diamond studded shoes are too small!) but I hate how they just take it for granted.

For years and years all I wanted was to be thin. But I obviously didn't want it enough.

But this time I just want to be happy. And I'll prove that I want it this time.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Fix Me

Everything is messy, messy, messy... time to break out the toolbox. I'll fix Uni and my classes, I'll fix my friends, I'll fix the little things, I'll fix the future.

I'll fix me.

The word has lost all meaning.

Can the All American Rejects please stop being so awesome? Theirs was the first of the 5 albums I ordered to arrive and it's sooooo sooooo good. Stop narrowing your eyes music snobs, they're a lot deeper than people give them credit for.

Go listen to 'Move Along' if you don't believe me.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Who Needs Valentines?

So we spent our Valentines slaving away at Toni's and it was honestly a ton of fun. I managed to clear some space in the spare room (but it's far from done, I think Toni and Kyle may hate me by the end of this week) and Kyle's dreadlocks are complete! You kinda need to scroll down to get the full effect.

Saturday, February 14, 2009


I'm at Toni's place right now. We're in the middle of clearing out the spare room. Mark and Kirsty are in the middle of dreading Kyle's hair. No one has hurt anyone else so far (well, Mark and Kirsty hurt Kyle but he did kind of ask them to do it) so the night is a success so far.

Truly, you cannot imagine the pandimonium taking place in this flat.

I had bad dreams last night. I dreamt that Dan called me and he was trying to tell me something awful but he couldn't get the words out. I dreamt that my rabbit escaped and I couldn't catch him.

Listen to 'Omen' by Prodigy and may your life be complete.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Short and Sweet

Are people more likely to read short blog posts? A certain blogger that I follow used to post these super long reels and reels of dialogue from her day. Like an action replay of exactly what had happened to her. And I used to scroll down the post and think... yeah, that's not happening.

HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH!!! This day is way cooler than Valentines. Regardless, I've just gone on Drowned in Sound and they've posted a Valentines Playlist. So in the spirit of keeping things short and sweet, here is my 5-Song Valentines Playlist:

1. Lover - Devendra Banhart (love, love, love this song)

2. Maps - Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs

3. Toothepaste Kisses - The Maccabees

4. I Will Possess Your Heart - Death Cab For Cutie

5. Strange and Beautiful (I'll Put A Spell On You) - Aqualung (yep, a loved up classic in my book)

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Music Therapy

I hate being left out of the loop. Especially when it comes to music. And almost every Top 100 Albums of 2008 list I've read has had Bon Iver's 'For Emma Forever Ago' in their top 1o, if not top. Apparently, Bon Iver is some dude who had his heart broken and went to some cabin out in the sticks for a whole winter and made this album.

Is it any good? Well, I'm soon to find out since I ordered that along with a few other (okay 4) little musical gems.

Had my haircut today which I always hate. I'm totally rubbish at coming up with inane chit chat so I always feel super awkward around hairdressers. But the process is a necessary evil when you have long hair. I have this urge to put up a picture, but it's weird posting pics of yourself! Cal's been bugging me to do a video blog too, which is also tempting but weird. I'm frightened of putting myself out there that much. It doesn't matter that hardly anyone is reading (or watching), it's still a big deal to me.

But I am considering a video blog for the finale of Nablopomo...

Speaking of things that make me squirm, we're taking my bunny to the vet in like an hour. I'm not sure who hates the vet more, me or the rabbit. I can't stand how scared he gets whenever we go and the possibility that there might be something wrong. Seriously, my stomach is in knots right now. Added to the normal stress is the fact that we're seeing a different vet than usual! The normal vet is a little incompetent, but rather cute which makes up for the lack of fuzzy animal feelings. What if Fye hates the new vet? What if the new vet is mean? What if the new vet is even cuter???


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Viva Espana!

Well, I'm watching the Spain vs. England match as we speak and... losing my nationality at the same time!

No, no, I'm just kidding! It's just that Spain are so beautiful to watch, plus half the team are ours (Torres, Arbeloa, Alonso and Reina are all on the pitch!)... and then there's the Ramos factor.

And no, it's not just cause he happens to be hot (though he is very dishy) but he is just so good. He'd make my dream team any day.

I was kept up till past 4am talking about everything under the sun with Skinny (but mainly Nick and Norah's Infinite playlist which she loved too, so there!) and was seriously exhausted this morning. But it was so nice to talk without barriers, to say exactly what I thought for once and not to worry about the consequences. She's very easy to talk to, our Skinny, and I miss her very much.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


On the one hand I can help out someone who will be entirely ungrateful. On the other I can do something for me (who will be very, very appreciative).

I wouldn't normally be so selfish but... I'm so tired of giving a shit.

I win.

Monday, February 09, 2009


I was pleased as punch today when the last set of my Clamp in 3D Land figures arrived! (Ahem, yes I'm a geek)

I don't really collect anything else (other than books, DVDs and CDs, but I don't think they count), so getting so many Clamp figures has been fun. Plus, they're functional too since they look rather cute on my CD rack.
I now have 23 (with two more on the way, and three more that I'm watching on eBay) and if you imagine that just one figure can cost £5-£25 on average... well yeah, it hasn't been exactly cheap. But there's something so satisfying about looking at them all...
Still, that's it! No more collections (especially not anime/manga related cause the geeks weren't lying, crack is cheaper)... well, except CDS.
I'm actually doing interesting things this week so expect much more entertaining posts! Oh, and I realise I've not been pulling my weight endorsing the GM Breaders (Toni's Online Book Club) so here it is: CHECK OUT GM BREADERS!!!

Sunday, February 08, 2009

25 Things

Okay, this is more a YouTube and Facebook (blech) trend, but I'm at work/Toni and Kyle's Den of Laughter. So here are my 25 Random Things About Me:

1. I love being in motion. The car, a train, a plane, a tram... I love it.

2. I think Macauley Culkin is really hot.

3. I think I might have two jobs: one that I love and one that I hate. I just never know which I'm gonna show up to.

4. I have an alter-ego. His name is Norman. I stole him from more than one person.

5. I just discovered that green beans aren't so bad.

6. I'm hopelessly addicted to Masterchef.

7. I have made 38 playlists for my iPod.

8. I really love playlists.

9. I am only slightly obsessed with my eyebrows.

10. I CANNOT STAND books for grown-ups. They suck.

11. I keep trying to throw away my virginity. It's heavier than I thought.

12. I've never seen Fight Club.

13. I've lied and pretended to have seen Fight Club, oh, about a million times.

14. I cried through an entire Killers set.

15. I believe in God. I just stopped believing in all the small print.

16. I love my big brother so much. I wish he knew how amazing he is.

17. God, stop going on about how awesome, awesome, awesome 'The Departed' is! I wish we'd watched 'Little Nicky' instead, it would've been better!

18. My friend went to Austria this year. I wasn't prepared for how much I'd miss her.

19. I buy a new ring every year at Leeds Festival.

20. A year ago someone told me I was cool. No one's said it before or since.

21. I eat cheesecake in layers.

22. I didn't stop talking. You stopped listening.

23. I had a poem published when I was seven. It was about Craziness.

24. I'm terrified of swimming.

25. I'm not actually sure what my real voice sounds like. The accents I've picked up have obscured it completely.

Saturday, February 07, 2009

How I Struggle

This is when Nablopomo becomes a problem. See, cause there are days like today when you wake up late, read a book, play with your rabbit, watch the match then vedge on the internet.

How am I supposed to make that interesting??? Thankfully, my good girly friend Alee came to the rescue. Last night we stayed up till 4am watching terribly good films (I finally got to see 'Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging', I wouldn't reccommend it to anyone unless they're female and under 15) and having very, very deep discussions (whose hotter, broody Angel ('Buffy') or adorable Henry (Ugly Betty)).

And so, in true Lilly and Mia-style, we came up with a list. Alee was quick to point out that she can still appreciate the male specimen, despite not wishing to sample, therefore the list is entirely valid.
Top 10 GORGEOUS Musicians

10. Robert Pattinson - Okay, so Rpattz wasn't exactly my choice since (though I do appreciate his good looks) he's not primarily a musician and is no Kellan Lutz. But whatevs, I couldn't disagree with her.

9. Tyson Ritter (All American Rejects) - This might have been a spare of the moment thing since their latest tune is on constant loop in my head. He does have that bad-boy puppy dog eyes charm.

8. Brandon Boyd (Incubus) - Can you believe this guy is nearly 33? He still looks 22 to me. I don't know a girl alive who could resist this guys charms. Plus: his plugs are sooooo dreamy.

7. Caleb Followill (Kings of Leon) - Oh yeah baby! Okay, so I might prefer the guitarist, but Caleb is hot and has been so since the second album (the video for 'The Bucket'? *Sigh*). We'll just conveniently forget when they all had beards...
6. Gordon Moakes - Okay, I insisted on this one. But just LOOK at him! Curly chocolate hair, wiry slender figure, perfect bassist hands, bright blue eyes... I thank God for such perfection.

5. Jared Leto - Ew, ew, ew, EW! I did not pick him!!!

4. Damian Kulash Jr. - Please don't be mad that he's not higher! I mean, I've met him in the flesh like 4 times! My favourite ever thing about Damian?: On March 12, 2006, Kulash was arrested while standing in front of the Orlando House of Blues talking to fans. He was charged for resisting a police officer without violence. During his arrest, Kulash convinced the police officer to watch the video of 'A Million Ways' on his computer. Parfait!

3. Patrick Stump (Fall Out Boy) - Again, this was so not one of mine. But I got decision over the top two spots so I conceded the third spot. I giggled a lot over his name too. Stump!

2. Isaac Hanson - I like Isaac... now... when he was 16... when he had the mohawk(y) hair-cut... with braces... Even Alee agreed that he grew up into a hottie. Plus he has my all-time favourite name (even though, his actual first name is Clarke - bit o' Hanson geek trivia for you there).

1. Blaine Harrison -Don't act surprised. If you read this blog at all you already know that Blaine happens to be my perfect man. Physically at least.

Friday, February 06, 2009

I'll Spare You The Details...

... but I'm so happy! Both me and Norman are bubbling over with excitement! And of course, it's something to do with a book. But I'll stop, I'll stop, I know you don't care!

Oh hey, Twilighters, did you know that Dakota Fanning is rumoured to be playing Jane in New Moon? Just thought I'd throw that in there.

Aieee, still so so happy!

I love Wikipedia. I was checking out one of my old fave bands (R.I.P Kinesis) and it turns out the lead singer now belongs to the Church of Scientology! Now I'm scared of being brainwashed when I listen to them, but the music is just so good that I can't stop!

Most awesome news of the day? I'm going watching Noah and the Whale with four of the best dudes ever! Most awesome news of the WEEK? I've lost 2lbs in 4 days! And my Wii Fit age is 20 (a.k.a. what it should be).

I'm so, so, so, so super, super happy! It was even sunny today (cold, but sunny still)!

Thursday, February 05, 2009


Okay, so call me primitive, but I really think that juice in a can is just one of the best things in the world!I was buying a pie for lunch (obviously a couple of weeks ago since I'm eating strictly no carbs right now) and I spied this in the fridge. Then I was faced with a real dilemma: orange or apple?

I can safely say it was one of the best things ever. Simple pleasures.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Jim Is Eagle

I was sat in class yesterday (ahem, correction, the biggest snoozefest three hour class I have ever sat through in a FREEZING COLD room) and I started thinking about one of my old teachers.

I took Philosophy at A-level three years ago. It was supposed to be a bit of a joke, a bit of fun to take on top of my other classes. Thing is, out of all my a-levels its been the most beneficial to me once I reached Uni. Anyway, in my first year of Philosophy I had this truly awesome teacher... Mike Atherton.

Philosophy class kind of became a haven cause of him. He was giggly and kind and fun. He never told us off, or looked down on us. We had the most fun ever in Philosophy. We were in a class full of oddballs and Mike basically represented our leader. We put on Philosophical plays, we spent afternoons talking about Plato, we made a lot of rather weird posters, we ate gingerbread worms and soup and whole 2 litres of pepsi...

It was kind of like a Philosophy family.

I've had a lot of good teachers in my lifetime and though Mike isn't necessarily the one who's influenced me most, he's one of the people I often think about. The sort of person who if you showed up on his doorstep (not that I would) you just know he'd help you regardless...
Isn't it funny how the people that drift in and out of your life affect who you become? So many bad people have changed me, but so many good people have made me who I am today.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Cutting It Fine

I'm always pushing, trying to figure how far those boundaries will go. Sorry, sorry, sorry!

I'm so tired. I won't fail.

Monday, February 02, 2009

Where's Fluffy?

Last night my good compadre and I went watching 'Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist'. I had to see this film since it is an adaptation from yet another YA classic (woo hoo!) and it totally did not disappoint. Go! Go watch it!

I'm at home essaying it up all day *sigh*. I'm still very, very bad at essays. They're a total hit or miss for me. And it's psychology which means blagging is strictly forbidden. This time tomorrow my essay is in and I am... free? To some extent at least. Right now I feel it hanging over me like a dropping pendulum.

Atkins is good so far... I think it might take at least five days for the cravings to kick in. Right now I feel... thirsty. It's snowing here which always confuses my rabbit. He stares at the snow as if falls and runs away when any comes near him. It must be strange for the world around you to suddenly turn white and to not understand why.

Sunday, February 01, 2009


So, a few people I know have done the Nablopomo before and February seems like the right month for me to do it (prepare to get very bored of me). The basic premise is this: you blog every day for a month.

Um, that's kind of it.

If I manage to blog every day for a month (and it's february, so that's only like 28 days) I get a pretty badge to put on my blog! S-weet!

I really enjoy blogging, but I wonder how this will change when I have to. I really want my badge, after all.

Nablopomo supply you with a theme, but it's optional. February's theme is... WANT. Very apt in my opinion.

Okay, so I want to lose some weight. And I feel better blogging about this than saying it because whenever you say it some well meaning idiot goes 'now why do you want to go on a diet?'. Uh, HELLO? Why do you think? And I really couldn't give a shit if people think I need to lose weight or not. This is my decision and I'm doing it for me.

So, this means a few months without carbs (*sobs*, bye bye my beloved carbohydrates!) and, as well as that, I'm hoping to go a few months Wii Fitting 5 days a week.

You may think I'm crazy (maybe I am?), but I'm a big believer that change requires a radical transformation. I have zero self-discipline so the whole cutting back thing just doesn't work for me. I want, nay, need to go cold Turkey (Turkey, mmmm, I can have Turkey!).

So together we shall journey through my chocolate/bread cravings, falling off the Wii Balance Board, driving my poor friends insane and rejoicing the first time I go to buy new jeans!

I'm hungry already.