Saturday, August 30, 2008

Ugh (and anime)

People can get rather defensive when I tell them how much I loathe Wigan. All my Christian friends big up Wigan because they believe it is THE place for a revival. And I'm not disputing that, but the very fact that it is in such desperate need of a revival should tell you something.

I've lived here all my life and trust me, it's even worse than Blackwater.

But what, pray tell, disgusts me most about Wigan? Oh yes, the people. All those horrid, repulsive, repugnant people. I was presented with a perfect example of that tonight. And she was only eighteen years old.

I won't name names. Ugh, I'm just too disgusted. I can't live here for the rest of my life. As Frank would say, this town ain't big enough for the one of me. So I'm making a move.

To my favourite Alee Cat, I took up your challenge and have been doing my best to watch more anime. I am only 4 eps away from finishing Special A (eek! I'm totally in love with it! Kei-kun is the most perfect creation since Tamaki Suou!) and 2 eps away from finishing the first series of Code-E (much better than I'd anticipated, but not nearly as good as Special A). Of course, all this anime watching has slowed me down on my quest to finally finish 'Breaking Dawn'.


Friday, August 29, 2008

Snap Snap

So we had fun at the photographers even though I will reserve comment on certain people's choice of photograph. My photo choice was awesome and I am muchly looking forward to getting it :)

The hairdressers wasn't as horrific as I'd thought. My hairdresser is a genius. No seriously, just look at how awesome my hair looked!

Now, unfortunately, it's time for my social life to take a bit of a hiatus. I have no money (thus I must work. Lots.), Vic is off to Florida, Dan is preparing for Uni and I should really start getting ready myself. Yikes. Still, there's Dan's going away meal and I hope to hang out with Skinny and Cal before they leave me for a long time :(

As for Vacation, I shall do my best to update tonight.

Sorry for the boringness. Here's some beautiful pics of my stunning friends to make up for it!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Last Virgin Standing

I'm feeling a whole lot better :) I talked with Skinny on the phone for like three hours in the early morning of Tuesday. Then I went to bed at 5am and got up a few hours later to order our Leeds Tickets for next year. For a second I hesitated (which is just crazy, right?) and then I took a deep breath and got on with it. Now I'm in a whole lot of debt :) but it doesn't matter.

Even my work friends were worried. Apparently I'd sounded 'down' in my texts. I wasn't aware that was possible. I worked last night and it was a total snoozefest. Craig and I worked it together and ended up getting into our favourite discussion, who in the stadium is a virgin? This may sound rather pathetic (actually, it probably is), but the two of us (as the older end of the Kitchen Porter spectrum) are oddly fascinated by it. See, you think it's pretty easy to tell, but in actuality it is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT. There are a few who we can definitely rule out (like we have proof) and that's when it starts to get tricky. For one, it's always the quiet ones who suprise you (*cough**cough*).

Isn't it funny how one misplaced comment can just ruin your day? You're just sat there, minding your own business and them BAM. He apologised for it though, so at least we're making some progress.

I'm watching Masterchef the Proffessionals. Its awesome! I'm addicted to cooking competition shows!

Tomorrow is the photograph. I have to go have my hair done, which I hate. Honestly, I cannot afford this whole thing. I simply could not deny Vic or Danny a thing right now. I know how scary it is to be leaving home and how you want to cling onto any tokens that you can take with you. If they asked me to come and live with them for the first three months I'd find it difficult to say no. But this is their experience, not mine and I'm hoping theirs will be far superior to mine.

Water out a stone
A porcelain doll thrown
A poisonous vine grown
A broken heart sewn
I thought I was alone.
But you healing touch lingers,
Destroy the weeds quicker than weather,
There's a needle in your nimble fingers,
To stitch me back together.
My own skin and bone.

I shall become the unofficial photographer for tomorrow's event and let you know how all goes. Feel the love.

But not that kind of love. That's just for my benefit :)

Monday, August 25, 2008

Reasons Not To Be An Idiot

Everyone is worried about me.

Number of texts since Leeds: 7
Number of worried emails: 2
Number of phone calls from Mike: Too many

I suppose I'm worried about me too. I'm just a bit numb. Like I don't want to think about anything, I just want to submerge myself into something that is totally consuming. I've talked with my Mum (it helped), I've talked with Mikey (it helped), I've talked with Vic (it hurt) and I've talked with Toni (it made me laugh, which, right then, I considered to be impossible). Also, whilst I was away, Markio posted on Toni's blog that he thought of me as a best friend. That made me very happy.

I have good friends. I am very, very blessed. I'm not very good at telling them what I'm thinking or feeling. And this can hurt everyone a little bit. But I'm not half bad at expressing myself in words. Maybe no one will read this, but it will be here.

I've had a great time at Leeds, musically it was top notch. Nothing could ever take that away from me. I'd built this Leeds up in my head. Vic was coming and I'd finally get to hang out with her, just some us time, before she goes away. And Kyle was coming for a day too and Kyle is a lot of fun, a person I can effortlessly get along with. It was going to be awesome.

But stuff happened and it wasn't. The disappointment felt like a weight inside of me. Time was slipping away, but I was just too frightened to tell anyone that I wasn't happy, I wasn't enjoying myself. I got angry at all the wrong people. I silently seethed. I couldn't open my mouth. I just couldn't. My jaw wires itself shut and I think of all the times I've spoken and regretted it.

I can't explain just exactly why I find it so hard to talk to you guys. The closer all of us get, the more I realise that you're all opening up to me and I'm not returning the favour. I'm trying, I promise. It sounds crazy, but it's easier to open up to people I'm not close too, I don't care if they judge me. I want to be the best I can for all my friends. I don't want you to see my cracks and weaknesses.

Standing there crying during the Killers set, being surrounded by people on such a high and feeling so low myself, it was one of the strangest experiences of my life. I wasn't upset with anyone but myself. Leeds is my sanctuary, my home away from home. I want everyone who goes to love it like Toni and I do. It's more than just a festival. Images of every precious Leeds memory I have flashed before my eyes, truly some of the best moments of my life. I had taken all those potential moments from one of the people I cared most about. I was a thief, of the very worst kind.

To think that I'd ruined something so sacred to me for someone else, it made me feel sick, devastated, truly, truly awful. That's what I wanted to say. But I'm not very good at talking.

I wanted everything to be perfect. And I'm pretty sure I ruined it all single-handedly. I'm sorry.

(To my dear friends, Cal, thanks for your distracting attempts, Mikey, thanks for worrying, Vic, thanks for putting up with me, Toni, thanks for saying the right things and Ste and Cathcart, thanks for being there, you kept me from wallowing.)

Leeds 08


Thursday, August 21, 2008

Are you ready?!?!!!

Today is Leeds Fest Prep Day! Many were devastated last night when they discovered that Slipknot had been forced to drop out due to Joey breaking his ankle. I too am disappointed and I extend my sympathy to any hardcore Slipknot fans.

Karen's List of Bands She Wants to See:

Emmy The Great
Adam Green
Conor Oberst


Frank Turner
Friendly Fires
Vampire Weekend


Joe Lean and the Jing Jang Jong
Mystery Jets
We Are Scientists
Bloc Party
The Killers

It's a good line-up this year despite many clashes. I'm almost indefinitely gonna miss out on seeing Los Campesinos, Blood Red Shoes, Be Your Own Pet, Tenacious D, Cage the Elephant and Seasick Steve :( Still, nothing works out how you think it will, so we'll see who I end up experiencing live.

I'm SO EXCITED!!! Woo, bring on the Leedsness for the sixth time!!!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Keep Me Away From Knives

I'm so mad. Take heed of this warning, if anyone, anyone ever hurt one of my friends I would hunt them down (should my friend so wish it). Be afraid, I have my very own army of Kitchen Porters. We are trained and armed with chemicals. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Have you ever just been hanging out with everyone and no one seems to listen to anything you say? Yeah, its really soul-sucking. If I've ever done that to you, I'm sorry.

Skinny got a blog, it's in my list. Read it and encourage her to keep it up.

Thank you to all my 'Vacation' reviewers. You might not (in fact, you probably don't) read my blog, but I'd like to express here how much your thoughts touched me :)

We went to Toni's today and she burned a disc of the awesome pictures she'd taken of everyone in my bedroom. Here's a beautiful sample:

Aren't my friends just gorgeous? I absolutely love these photos!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Giggles, giggles, giggles

I've seriously got the giggles right now. Can I share them with you? We can curl up and laugh together, hee hee hee!

Listen to Mew. RIGHT NOW DAMMNIT! If you thought their first album was good (harmonising with himself!??!!!) then you may be only moments away from orgasming over the awesomeness that is the second album.

Still giggly. I'm in work tomorrow *pouts*. Probably cleaning Rigaletto's kitchen with my best KP homie Kylie! Remind me to take in lots of Kerrang! approved CDs.

I full-on sliced my finger at work on Friday night. I put my hand into a sink with shards of broken plate in it (I wasn't aware of this) and then there was blood. Tons of blood. And Chef was freaking out and the waitresses were freaking out and Lewis was freaking out and I was kind of like 'huh, look at all that blood. Neat.'

Now I have a new stadium scar. Personally, I think scars are fascinating. One of my most beloved characters, Silas, has this huge scar right along one of his cheeks and down his neck. Silas really hates that scar, but eventually he gets to grips with it. Takes a long long time though. I know it isn't cool to have a scar, especially a noticeable one. This guy at work shaved his hair (for a bet) and now you can see all this scars on his skull. So strange, really, that you'd have never even known they were there otherwise.

The giggles are subsiding. Man, I needed a good laugh. I've had a horrid weekend. But I've come through it stronger. I have resisted the apple (the kind of apple that would have been so sweet at the time but would have made me nauseous forever afterwards) and stayed my hand. Three cheers for Team Karen.

In fact, I've spent this evening swooning over much better men. Like Kei-Kun (with the caramel eyes) and Simon Amstell (with the too tight pants) and Blaine Harrison.

Blaine Harrison.

Blaine Harrison.


Give me a spoon right now dammnit. This guy is RICE PUDDING FOR THE EYES!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

The Pwllheli Massive

So yeah, it's been a week since I got back, but I've been super busy all week. Plus my written diary comes first, so I apologise but I'm back blogging now and on my BRAND SPANKING NEW laptop!

I already mentioned that Vic got the grades and is off to Oxford on Toni's blog... woo hoo!

Also I have decided to post a new fanfiction, now I can finally dedicate some real time to writing.

And it's Leeds Festival next weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We had the best time in Wales, by the way, a full review is forthwidth!

Friday, August 08, 2008


kitten is back tomorrow. i hope she has had fun. she texted me in the week, but it was boring and full of nonsense. i'm sure she'll tell you all about it.

i hope i have been a good stand-in blogger. i used to blog but all i wrote was bullshit so it was pointless, but she seemed to think i was funny.

thinking back to when i did blog, makes me stop and go wide-eyed at how different i am now. i was a whiny teenager but i went to uni and people just kicked my arse with their stories, it made me see how bloody lucky i really am.

but everyone is conceited in their younger years. as long as you don't stay conceited i think your on the right path. now i can't even remember the purpose of this blog post. thanks for the scribbling space.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

fan service

today i will tell you a story about your favourite blogger. i suppose you don't know it (whoever you are? someone must be reading this for my words to exist in sound. did that not make any sense? well, it is 2am.) but a few months ago kitten got very depressed. so we decided that i would take her to london. in the end, she could not go but i sent her a story of what london would be like.

it made her very happy.

when kitten came to london for a weekend with her friend cal

You are downstairs watching Match of the Day with Lou. Lou is very pleased about this and the two of you are shouting rather interesting things (I'm assuming you're shouting at the telly and not at each other. at least, I hope so). So I am taking this opportunity to email you and tell you about our first day on our excursion.

I was late picking you up. I'm sorry. You were still half asleep but had minty fresh breath. I appreciated your excitement over my iPod car stereo. I did not appreciate you insisting upon playing Martin Grech. Thank god you fell asleep or I might have slit my wrists. You were surprised that it is a four hour drive to London. And you slept through my noisy SAT NAV.

About two hours into the journey you awoke and asked if you could change the voice on my SAT NAV. I said no. We sung along to new Mystery Jets and argued about the best song on the album. I'm sorry, it IS Flakes.

We stopped at Corley services and bought extortionately priced sandwiches. You got very happy when you saw they had crunchy M&Ms in the shop. We bought some of those too. You wanted to eat outside but it was raining, so we ate near the window and then got back in the car.

Two hours later (with a total of nearly five hours on the road) we reached my house at half past two and were surprised to find it was not empty, as I had suspected. Lou came out into the rain to help you with your suitcase (he did not help me even though I had more stuff). You were happy because you had never met Lou before and he said you had the nicest shoes he'd ever seen.

Alice and Dom were in the living room eating cold pizza. Alice also liked your shoes. There was some awkwardness as I left you to put your stuff in my room. I've changed the sheets for you, I hope you notice tonight when you go to sleep.

My friends seemed to like you. We played some Wii sports (you suck at tennis but rock at bowling. I am the baseball champion) and Lou ordered indian (hurray!). You were shocked by the state of our kitchen, for some reason. I must remember to ask you about that.


When I woke up at tenish this mornning, you were in my kitchen cleaning. This disturbed me. I blame Alice for telling you were the Spar was so that you could go buy cleaning supplies. Now our whole kitchen smells clean and disinfected. How strange. Alice, Lou and Dom all appreciated the new clean kitchen. Lou confessed that he wants to keep you. I told him you are not a rabbit and he told me you were a kitten.
Cleaning Kitten.

We ate breakfast together and I appreciated you buying a massive carton of milk so that I could enjoy some coco crunchies. How can you not like chocolate cereal? Everyone else was still asleep and you tiptoed around the bathroom. I turned on XFM. They all sleep like rocks anyway.

Since Sundays are dead, we decided to watch some films once you got your butt out the shower (just kidding, you weren't in that long). Just as Lou stumbled out of bed we decided to take a walk to blockbusters. It was cold outside and I stepped in a puddle that soaked through my chuck taylors. You were worried that my foot might drop off. I assured you it wouldn't.

We talked about the best kids films ever. I loved The Rescuers when I was a nipper, neither of us were really disney fans although you did confess to knowing all the words to all the songs in Peter Pan.

We rented Once from blockbuster because it won an oscar and neither of us had seen it. I wanted to get Atonement, but you refused so I refused to rent Wimbledon. We ended up with Pretty Persuasion because Evan Rachel Wood is hothotsex as Lovefoxxx would say. We returned to the house. My housemates were not impressed with our choices.

Alice painted your nails and Dom made bacon sandwiches for lunch whilst we watched Pretty Persuasion. It was naff and Evan scared us all with her weird hair and sexual deviancy. Unnatural. Alice clearly enjoyed having another girl in the house to complain about calories and split ends. She kissed your cheek and you actually blushed. Sweet cleaning kitten.

And thus our sunday progressed in this lacksadaisickle manner. It was excellent ness.

are you sad too, person-i-seem-to-believe-is-reading-this? i'll write you an imaginary trip to stay with me if you one day become my friend.

i really am very tired.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008


i've only just realised how kitten described my hands as capable. what a minx.

a lot of men my age seemed to be repelled by the idea of monogamy. i myself am in awe of it. what is to dislike about selecting a person to spend your years with? men seem to view women with a pic 'n' mix mentality.

put it this way, i like gummy snakes. i don't want lolly pops, or fudge, or smarties, or pink pigs, or chocolate raisins. i like gummy snakes and i don't need to sample every other sweet just to prove that.

i'm certain i'd be content to eat gummy snakes until i die.

Monday, August 04, 2008


my best friend lou told me a few weeks ago that he was still a virgin. he is 21. and honestly, i already suspected.

i don't find this to be a big deal. lou isn't disfigured, he just acts like a retard around girls. not that i'm cool hand luke or the fonz myself. but i digress. the part that i found strange was that he told me at all. i didn't really know how to react. where is the 'man handbook of how to handle everything' when you need it? in the end i just assured him it was impossible for him to have any sexually transmitted diseases.

our old housemate dominic once just confessed to me out of the blue that he used to be a child model. apparently he was in a fisher price advert and a cereal advert. he told me one of them was on youtube. i did not search for it.

this leads me to wonder if i am the go-to-guy. the person that everyone wants to share with. i'm not a sharing person, so if i have somehow become this go-to-guy i'm not sure if i can adequately shoulder the responsibility.

Sunday, August 03, 2008


kitten has gone away. to a welsh place with a weird name. why does everywhere in wales have a strange name? perhaps they think the names we use for places are funny. 'wigan?' they might say, 'what an odd name for such a place'.

i am cal. i don't do capital letters (trust me, this will drive her crazy when she gets back). i am a phd student studying geoscience. its not as bad as it sounds. i used to blog myself, but it was really just an excuse for me to whine to no one in particular.

kitten asked me to blog for her because she likes the emails i used to send her about my flatmates. right now, i have no flatmates. its just me and lisa and our cat, jester. lisa made the best beef wellington to ever exist last night. allow me to explain; lisa is my mother, in her younger more delusional days she slept with a guy whom, she didn't realise at the time, is the scum of the earth. thus i came to be. lisa writes many recipe books and is a part-time chef. the rest of the time she worries about me and goes salsa dancing.

you don't believe me about the salsa dancing? its true, red dress and everything.

and that is me. i suppose i'll have to think up a purpose for these posts. perhaps i'll outline the tectonic evolution of a reactivated crustal-scale fault system. bring on the excitement.