It saddens me to admit this, but there are people who you can simply never be good friends with. I'm proud of how different all my close friends are, how their diverse interests broaden my horizons. But sometimes people are just too different. At least, that's what I'm beginning to think.
You're a good person and I respect and admire you. Lately, I feel so guilty all the time for doing something so thoughtless. There was no excuse for my behaviour and I wish I had the confidence to apologise to you. I want the chance to apologise to you. I am sorry.
This summer simply isn't turning out the way I wanted. I might as well admit that. Everything is fucked up and I'm angry, just so angry all the time. I'm terrified constantly. I'm scared of time and how it runs away from me, I'm afraid of myself and how I over and under estimate my own potential, I'm frightened that I'm losing everyone. No one is the same anymore, they all seem to change when my back is turned. Yes, even you.
Alee told me to make a list of the things I like about myself (which is rich since she never blogs). She assured me it would make me feel just a little bit better. What I like about Alee is that she's lacking in confidence for reasons that baffle me. She gives me hope that all the things I hate about myself simply aren't true.
A List of things Karen Likes About Herself:
- My hair
- My eyes. They are green, that's been confirmed.
- My writing. It isn't Sarah's and it isn't as good as some people's, but it's there and not everyone finds their talent in their lifetime. I'm lucky.
- My lips. I've been complimented on them before which made me notice them more.
- My eyelashes - my Mother prayed for a daughter with long, dark lashes.
- My voice. Not as in singing - which I'm not very good at. I mean, I get made fun of all the time for my varying accents, but I think my voice is one of the things that makes me stand out and I don't really care if people make fun of it.
- Once, a good friend told me that I am the sort of person who loves entirely. There's no halfway point for me, if I love something I love it with all I have. I think that's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said about me. I am extremist, which can be a bad thing, but is often a positive aspect of my personality.
- My imagination. It is the key to this locked cage, the key to my escape.
Cheers Al', that did cheer me up a bit.