Wednesday, June 18, 2008

You'll discover that casual friends kept notes in their pockets to remember your name

I am wondering.

The past couple of weeks has made me wonder if I really do like someone I consider a friend. They haven't done anything that would make me suddenly dislike them, I'm just not sure if I ever liked them in the first place. This might sound cruel and I assure you I've never used this person. The friendship is perfectly reciprocal. I've just realised something... I can't be myself around this person. Surely that should tell me something.

As much as I am in need of friends right now, my honest streak tells me that I'm lying to myself by trying to convince myself and everyone else that I like this person. The problem is... I can't break off this friendship. For the sake of anonymity, I can't explain why. I just can't. It would be like splitting up with someone right before exams. Cruel.

Perhaps I'm just overanalysing.

My birthday was interesting... In the end I was right not to get my hopes up. The day will not go down in History, to be honest. I was too pre-occupied worrying about Toni and trying to make sure everyone was having fun to actually have much myself. In the end, maybe the evening was too forced. In fact, the best part was when we were all sat around playing my bizarre, and oddly complicated, Friends trivia game. How silly.

Skinny came and was unbelievably sweet. It was a sweetness that I can't explain as it came in the form of many small gestures. I am so glad that we are friends again. She might be a flake, but she is a good friend and she is there when it matters. Vic officially scored the best birthday present by giving me a new LFC shirt with LUCAS on the back. It was a total suprise, which was, partly, what made it such a good gift.

However, I still haven't received my present from Toni yet. I'm excited about this gift. One of the best presents I ever got was from Skinny and Krista. It was a photo album with handwritten inscriptions next to each photo. The time and thought that had gone into it really touched me and I still look at it whenever I'm feeling a bit low.

So maybe no one did get me the Juno Poster but my presents were still very thoughtful and heartfelt. My new diary from Skinny, my fab Mario Galaxy poster from Markio, my Paris book from Mikey and my Archers and Peanut Chunkies from Dan. I have some amazing friends who give amazing presents.

Oh, and of course, the most awesome card ever from Lynda and Dave. It pwns!

1 comment:

Toni Maiden-Nel said...

I'm sorry if you were worried about me on your birthday. I honestly didn't mean for that to happen. And I'm sorry that my gift is late. The thing I ordered still hasn't arrived! Arrg! But the thing I'm making is coming along great. I do sometimes think that I'm friends with some people who I don't actually like that much. Here's my hippy answer; I just try to love them for who they are and not who I want them to be.