When I'm sad, really sad, there's really only one cure. Reuben.
It's been that way for me for about three years now, ever since I bought 'Racecar is Racecar Backwards' when I was in my first year of college. I remember I used to listen to that CD every morning on the way to college for at least six months. And then in my second year I got 'Very Fast Very Dangerous' and played that to death as well. This June I got 'In Nothing We Trust' (indefinitely my BEST birthday present, cheers boys!) and it was just as good. So it made sense that when I got home on Friday, and found myself close to tears, I reached for the Reuben.
I'm past saying angry things about Today's Community Church. Because saying them changes nothing. I want to regret it all, but I can't because I got Skinny out of it and I could never regret our friendship. And Toni got Kyle. Part of me knows, knows that I've damaged them both by keeping them there, but I can't regret it.
I watched them on Friday night. And I was repulsed. Once I wanted to go back, but it was a moment of weakness. I can't ever go back, but finally I realise that I don't fucking want to! I thought those people were my friends, but they were nothing. I was nothing to them. They hurt me and made me feel used and wrong, all wrong.
That's why the things I'm doing right now are a bad idea. I know that but I can't stop. I don't have anything to prove, but I'm still trying. My life is full. I have my awesome friends, my fucked up family (whom I love despite their fucked-up-ness), my Uni, my talent, my job and job compadres. I can't understand the way I'm acting or why. For now, I'll try to remedy it with... MORE REUBEN!
Moving on: Myspace. Argh, why does everyone take their stupid myspace so damned seriously? Vic basically begged me tonight to make one just so she could put me in her top friends (and knock dickface Rob out of her top 4). NO! I swear I will never have a myspace! I'm happy enough with this blog. I don't do the MSN thing or have a Facebook and I'm happy that way. If anyone needs to find me, seek me out in the real world, for goodness sake.