Tuesday, March 28, 2006

To Be Pure

Purity. What is it? Why can no one achieve it?

The search for beauty is what I feel I am devoted to, but purity intrigues me also. I want to be pure again, to be good again. I have gone back to the way I used to be again, in case I had forgotten how much it sucks. And now I want to be good once more. Is it possible?

I have damaged myself, that is irreparable. But that doesn't mean I can't be good again. Right?

Top 10 missed genius's:

1. Nick Drake
2. Shannon Hoon
3. Malcolm X
4. Plato
5. Wordsworth
6. Dickens
7. B.F. Skinner
8. Claude Monet
9. Bob Paisley
10. Freddie Mercury

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Who would...?

Sometimes when you witness the unbelievable dickheads that populate the earth, your faith in men plummets. It's sad really. Take for instance, these two 'hypothetical' guys. Both are rating girls and picking their arses. Honestly, like what self respecting girl would honestly sleep with one of these guys? You'd have to be FUCKING BRAINDEAD.

I don't understand the world.

Top 10 reasons to keep men on the planet:

1. Most obviously, who would entertain us with football (women's football is dull. Really dull.)
2. To continue the population
3. To critiscise women's driving
4. To make life unpredictable and unpleasant
5. To go fishing (my boss claims there is only one thing girls shouldn't do and that is go fishing)
6. To kill moths
7. To entertain us with their crazy antics on Jackass
8. To be cute
9. To give women a broader perspective
10. To remind women how LUCKY we are to have more than one dimension thought wise

Thursday, March 16, 2006


I am currently consumed with guilt. And why is this? I guess it started when Toni decided she wanted to go to Leeds Uni and I decided that no way was that going to happen and so called upon my influence, persuasive and annoying powers and gradually convinced her that Manchester Uni was most definitely the place for her.

And yesterday afternoon after she'd accompanied me to Manchester on an open day, I had her convinced.

However, this dream was abruptly ended when she returned home to discover her application to Manchester was unsucessful.

Now she is crushed. Toni is not used to the experience of rejection and such a blow might have irreparable consequences. Which will be entirely my fault since she didn't even want to go to Manchester before I opened my mouth.

Which does show that Toni is incredibly fickle, but it is still my fault. Lesson learned, don't meddle with Toni's desires anymore.

Top 10 Philosophers:

1. Plato (the founding Father of Philosophy)
2. Ryle (mainly because he pissed everyone off)
3. Aristotle
4. Kant (despite the fact he was so rigidly Catholic)
5. Berkeley (God is watching the bath fill)
6. Russell
7. Ayer (I hope)
8. Wittgenstein (Mike's influence of course)
9. Socrates (why do you think that? Huh? HUH?)
10. Descartes (hey, he started off pretty well)

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Eat Angst, Sleep Angst, Drink Coca Cola

I could really go for a Miller Highlight right now. Or something to distract me. Strange, since distraction and procrastination are my own personal artform.
I think I'm a little depressed. Toni has reccomended this SUPER depressing book to me. I won't mention the title, I don't want to be seen to be recommending it. Weirdly enough, I liked it at first. But now it's awful. And I've still another 400 pages to go. Weirdly enough, EVERYONE who has seen me reading it has told me how good it is and how I HAVE TO finish it soon so we can talk about it. So now I have no option.
Still, I've forced her to read 'Valiant' by Holly Black (fabulous book) and she's probably thinking the same.

Top 1o books (I warn thee, mostly YA):

1. Last Chance by SARAH DESSEN
2. Valiant by HOLLY BLACK
3. Feeling Sorry For Celia by JACKLYN MORIARTY
4. Bloomability by SHARON CREECH
5. Sabriel by GARTH NIX
7. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by JK ROWLING
8. Star Girl by JERRY SPINELLI
9. Girl with a Pearl Earring by TRACY CHEVALIER
10. Truth About Forever by SARAH DESSEN

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Mars Bar = Depression Chocolate

I just ate an entire Mars Bar at break. It was very... sweet. I think maybe Mars Bars are the typical depression chocolate of choice since they come close to filling a hole in your mood.


Ick, scrap that. I'm in a GOOD mood. I had tons of fun at work last night, I really like the work in Philosophy at the moment and tomorrow I'm going to the greatest University in existence.

Happy happy, joy joy.

Top 10 reasons to write a blog:

1. To moan about the one you love
2. To pass some valuable time
3. To record your dreams
4. To keep track of your hectic social life
5. To release words that must never be spoken
6. To bitch about people you don't like (Roy)
7. To brag about your fabulous life
8. To post gig reviews
9. So dear friends in other countries can read about what you've been up to
10. To post random top 10s

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Instant Replay Society

Dear Miss Ellison,
We would be happy to replay what you heard in English yesterday. Take a seat, relax, we will confirm your suspicions! After all, replaying is our function, our raison dentre!

Okay, here goes:
D: Maybe she's just hot
C: Keep your sick fantasies to yourself

Did you get that? Was that what you thought you heard? We can replay in all languages, you know. Maybe you'd like it in French? Norwegian? Or possibly you'd like to hear it just one more time? Yes? Not a problem.

D: Maybe she's just hot
C: Keep your sick fantasies to yourself

You look a little pale, Miss Ellison. No, I can assure you we haven't made a mistake. That is exactly what was said. The implications of such words, I'm sure you understand, are beyond us. We simply replay. We have no skills to analyse these statements. Maybe you do.

Best regards,
The Instant Replay Society

In the hopes that you will use our service again, here is a list of our top ten most popular methods of replay:

1. In text message form - 'U murded my Muva!'
2. Backwards - 'Mother my murdered you!'
3. Gangsta - 'You offed my mother, son of a bitch!'
4. 3D - 'You murdered my mother'
5. In pink - 'You murdered my mother'
6. With pictures! - 'You murdered my mother' (Due to legal reasons we are unable to include a picture with this example, but rest assured the actual service is 100% reliable)
7. With stage directions - (Speaker clenches fists and reaches out for the kitchen knife): You murdered my mother!
8. Fast - 'Youmurderedmymother!'
9. In memo form - 'Todays news: His mother has been murdered by his best friend!'
10. In telegraph form - 'Mother murdered'