Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Grecian Garden

The idea came to me in a dream. Really. It happened a while ago. I dreamt that I was in a band, on the keyboards. Cal was on the drums, Zoe was the bassist, James was the guitarist and nazi Johnny out of my philosophy class was the lead singer. The dream was so vivid. And if you have any kind of imagination, you have to take these things as a sign.

A sign for what? Well, there can only be one sign for me. The sign that I have to write.

As a writer, you have instincts about things. I know that the story of Grecian Garden (that's my band name. No idea why) is special, not something to be rushed. And so I have my own little GG notebook and when an idea occurs to me, I scribble it down in there.

And it's like the characters are real to me, like people I know. Not just because they're based on people I do know, but because each one has carved out their own personality. They're mine and I get to decide what they like and dislike, what irks them and what pleases them.

So I can be sitting in class sometimes, but I'm not really there. I'm not in English, silently revelling in the presence of David on one side of me and hearing Ruth chatter away on my other. I'm not copying down my tutor's notes from the board. I'm not smiling pleasantly at Chris when he asks me how I am for the millionth time.


I'm watching Grecian Garden audition for a new bassist (Zoe), or play their first gig at Reuben's Grotto, or fall in love at Leeds festival.

The power of imagination sometimes takes my breath away.

Top 10 places for my imagination to take me away to:

1. America. Anywhere in America because Americann culture fascinates me
2. A hotel balcony in Amsterdam, the faint smell of marijuana on the breeze, watching the world go by as the clock sings out...
3. Sat in the cold, dark car park of the stadium with Atticus, my Sabian Prince
4. A brat camp in Colorado
5. A treetop overlooking Oslo
6. The Trans-Siberian Railway
7. A field full of dandelions in the fading English Summer Sun
8. Dancing across the clouds in the sky
9. Curled up outside as the rain pelts down in sheets
10. Lying back in the grass at Leed's festival

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Half Term

It is my opinion that a half term is as good or as bad as you make it. Obvious pro, lie ins at least four days out of the nine. I had a truly sumptuous lie in yesterday.

My half term is pretty average considering I have no cash. Play a lot of Fire Emblem, write a couple of one-shots, work some shifts for well needed pay and check out Chandos Hall. It's raining outside, so it's not like there's anything to go out for.

Unless you would like to get wet. In that case, go ahead.

Top 10 things to do during a cashless half term:
1. Invite everyone over for a Goldeneye marathon!
2. Ditto for a DVD marathon
3. Play any games you can get your hands on
4. Write some new stuff
5. Tidy out room
6. Learn to make lasagne
7. Watch bad TV / friends or buffy vids
8. Work
9. Busk
10. Go internet shopping!

Thursday, February 16, 2006


After recently being told that films go 'off' if you leave them for too long I have decided to get all my pictures developed (finally). It's actually quite exciting, cos I'm not sure what's on any of them! The first three films turned out to be pictures from InMe gig in july, Ok Go gig in December and Vicky's sixteenth birthday.

I opened the first batch to see, yes, A PICTURE OF MOI WITH DAMIAN KULASH!


And InMe!

And us fools at the party!

I love pictures!!!

Monday, February 13, 2006

48 minutes 5 seconds

I've just spent 48 minutes and 5 seconds on the phone to the person I used to confide almost everything in. I say almost everything. No one knows everything. And that's the truth about everyone.

You know what this 48 minutes 5 seconds made me realise? I can no longer talk to Toni. Because she is as receptive as a brick wall. And who can blame her? She's gotta listen to Catherine's problems at home, Jen's problems in general and the problems of probably every other adolescent female in church. I guess it just might be nice to talk to her again. Like we used to. I'd spend hours on the phone to her almost every night and we talked about everything.

And now it seems like there's no one I can do that with. Cal's great, but he's a guy and that therefore limits the things we can talk about. Vic is at that phase in her life where she needs me to listen to everything. Which I don't mind. Vic has always been there for me. My Mother is obsessed with shoving the holy spirit down my throat before I go to Uni. Who does that leave? I'm just not close enough to anyone else. Lately I find myself turning to my friend Naomi when I need to spill something.

Naomi is a godsend, I swear. But soon she'll go off to Uni and we'll probably lose touch.

What makes all this suck is that I can blame no one but myself for losing Toni. And don't get me wrong, I really am happy for her. She has this awesome life that she loves and a stronger relationship with her family.

But when I think back to the day I invited her to church, I wonder if I'd take it back if I could. Because not only did that day change her, but it changed me.
And not necessarily for the better.

Top 10 alternative words for colours:

1. Magenta
2. Crimson
3. Azure
4. Apricot
5. Chocolate
6. Cappucino
7. Emerald
8. Jade
9. Golden
10. Egg-shell

Friday, February 10, 2006

Norman Fireside Chats

(It felt like they were sitting beside a fire, the air was so warm and polluted with smog and ash. They were in fact sat in a grassy meadow, awaiting a magical moving castle)
Norman: Why are you so fidgety?
Karen: I'm frustratingly bored. No offence.
Norman: You're lying to me. What is it?
Karen: Well, I'm frustrated. That's the truth. I saw him yesterday. I didn't think I'd ever see him again and then there he was, bold and real. Real.
Norman: Real. Did he look well?
Karen: Even more so than before.
Norman: How interesting. This really stirs things up. I might stick around, Karen. Your life sure is getting interesting.
Karen: Glad to entertain.
Norman: How about David? Where does he fit into this grand scheme of things?
Karen: He doesn't. I'd rather he wasn't sucked into this fucked up world of my psyche. He's too precious to disturb.
Norman: Oh, but I'm allowed to be damaged.
Karen: Well, you're fucked up too. That's why I like you so much.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006


It's something that fascinates me. Like Plato, I'm trying to define it. A difficult task. What is beauty? It's such an enigma.

I'm beginning to think that what makes people beautiful is being different, standing out. Being thin with good skin and nice hair is pretty easy to achieve. Go on a diet, drink tons of water and pay a fortune. But being different is something that comes from the inside. Different people just catch my eye more than the conventionally 'beautiful'. In college every day I am passed by girls and guys that would be considered pretty in our society, but it isn't them that I look at.

Top 10 beutiful things I can think of off the top of my head:

1. Rain and the way it dances
2. A new CD
3. Burning sugar
4. A genuine smile
5. Fluffy white clouds
6. Crisp white paper
8. The smell of chlorine
9. Trains
10. Moshpits

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Kitten and General Foolishness

I am a fool. I have let what once had massive potential to peter into nothingness. Well, not nothingness. Rather sitting pretending there pretending not to acknowledge one another but reading each others... work.

Pathetic. Say something Karen. Speak to David.

Why is it so hard? Why am I so distracted? I already have what would be recognised as the foundations of a relationship with Cal. Why am I doing this to myself?

When I write like this I realise I am one angsty teenager. I'm sorry. More interesting things to say, I'm sure.

My replacement MP3 has arrived. Though I am glad about this, it has not warmed me to Creative who I'm still pissed with.
But the player is great. I've named her Kitten after Patrick 'St Kitten' Braden.

Top 10 things that are obvious to me at the moment:

1. Camp Gay people are so sweet
2. E-bay is a great place to kill some time
3. Vimto rocks way harder than Ribena
4. Lunch is always too far away
5. Bad hair can ruin your entire day (if you let it)
6. It's always more sensible to listen to music rather than people
7. Plato rules
8. There is a student consensus of opinions
9. Boys are a royal pain in the ass
10. Chicken is nice

Monday, February 06, 2006

Sixth February Two Thousand and Six - Morning

Here is my morning so far in true thought format.

I woke up early this morning. I'd had a weird dream about using computer games to gain world domination. Weird. I had an accomplice too. Together we wanted to change the world with a revolutionary game. Well, that was nice.

Upon waking I discovered that my throat did not feel like it had been shredded to ribbons like the previous morning. I contemplated taking the day off and then decided that it just wasn't worth the agro. So my morning routine began, this morning involving new music on my MP3 and Doc Martens.

Got on the bus after jumping out my skin. Twice. Sat alone. Gazed out the window for a while. Became intoxicated by the perfume of a girl who sat in front of me. It smelled a little like chalky sweets. Pink chalky sweets. Ick. I had to ask my brother to leave the room and wash off his aftershave this weekend. I was sad that I could not ask the girl to do the same.

Upon entering college Toni began to stalk around me attempting to strike up conversation. I noticed that she is still sick. I'm reckoning I caught my illness from her, but if I say that she'll fly into a hissy fit, so it's best to just blame it on Naomi (sorry Naomi) who is also sick at the moment. I refused to take out my headphones and Toni stalked away.

This was not an act of ignorance, merely a defence mechanism as leaving my headphones in protects me from the disgusting display of affection I may be about to encounter between Toni and Catherine when she arrives. There is very little in my stomach right now, but I'd prefer for it to stay there.

As I walk through college towards the computer suite, the same question as always strikes me. Who the fuck is Jane Norman? Seriously. Has anyone ever seen her? Does she even exist? And if she does exist what is so cool about her that people are willing to pay extortionate prices simply to have her name splayed across their shoulder bag?

Top 10 Jane Norman possibilities:

1. Did Jane Norman finally find a cure for the common cold?
2. Did Jane Norman have a number one single (not that that counts for much now)?
3. Did Jane Norman lose a lot of weight in a really small amount of time?
4. Did Jane Norman campaign for gay marriages to be allowed?
5. Did Jane Norman produce a film nominated for an oscar?
6. Did Jane Norman work on the mission to send an orbiter to Pluto?
7. Did Jane Norman somehow become the new Lib Dem party leader?
8. Did Jane Norman steal my golden eyebrow pluckers (SOMEONE DID AND I WANT THEM BACK!)?
9. Did Jane Norman invent the cordless phone?
10. Did Jane Norman liberate the Serfs in Tsarist Russia?

Thursday, February 02, 2006


Are weird. Okay, so I went watching InMe on Tuesday night in Liverpool. See, I'm used to going to gigs with Toni and we have a certain routine. Get to the city early , grab something to eat and then head down to the venue in time to get a decent place in the queue. I like this routine. I've become stuck in it.

That isn't the way Cal works.

He turned up in the car at six to pick me up. I was pleased he was driving since it meant he couldn't drink. I was already nervous enough without the possibility of him getting pissed. We went to the train station where he proceeded to debate whether we should catch a train to Liverpool or just drive there. In the end we had to run fro the damn train.

Made it to Liverpool at ten past seven. Doors opened at half past. I figured if we hurried we could make it to the academy in time. But no - Cal wanted to buy cigarettes and stroll along without a care in the world.

We made it there at eight. We'd missed sweet suzi (not the end of the world, I guess). Stood around outside while Cal smoked chatting to some cool girls who stencilled 'InMe' on my arm with some kind of shiny ink brush/pen. Got in just before InMe were due to come on and bought overpriced water.

But he paid, which was sweet of him.

I guess I was nervous because I've never really been to a gig with a guy. Well, except Mark and Kyle, but they obviously don't count. It's difficult to know what to expect. When I'm at a gig with Maid you see all the couples stood around making out or holding one another. Not that me and Cal are a couple. But it was nice to be there with a guy. And I watched him closely and he didn't even check out any other girls.

Although most of them were around 14.

Set list:
7 Weeks
Faster The Chase
Just A Glimpse
So You Know
Safe In A Room
Lava Twilight -> end of alaya
White Butterfly Acoustic
FireFly (with AC/DC interlude)