Friday, December 15, 2006

The Scandal

Does anyone else wish they just hadn't signed up to the new blogger beta? It's beginning to really annoy me.

So, what do I get for not pre-ordering Zelda - Twilight Princess for the Gamecube? You got it. It's sold out EVERYWHERE! And I have no debit card since some little shit stole my wallet last week so I can't even go to Gamestation and buy it! Grrr!

Anyway. Rant over. Ah yes, The Scandal. Yesterday, myself and HISTORY BOY went to the cinema. This was impromptu, before you go into fits of squeals, and NOT A DATE. No way. It was just two friends who happen to be of the opposite sex going to the cinema together.

How it happened went a little like this. I had just gone to hand in my finished History work at the school office. I had also just received a message from Hannah informing me that he Dad was coming to pick her up that night so she couldn't go to the cinema. This had slightly dismayed me since I was looking forward to it. Alas.

Upon arriving at the school office I saw HISTORY BOY waiting outside. He remarked that I looked slightly glum considering I was handing in my final essay. I explained that my plans for the cinema had been dashed.
"Well, if you're not doing anything else, I'd go with you," he suggested, cheerfully.
I guess I must have looked slightly dumbfounded since he quickly added, "If you want."
Thus far, I have only seen HISTORY BOY in lecture halls, so the idea of seeing him in a cinema was quite exciting. Which is why I graciously accepted his offer.
And how I ended up going up the maze of escalators to see 'Stranger Than Fiction' (which I would not reccommend, by the way, but I'd originally wanted to see 'The Holiday', but of course I wasn't going to make HISTORY BOY sit through a total chick flick).
It was nice and strangely not that awkward. He smiled nicely when I told him I was freaked out by how high the escalators went and we had a passionate discussion about X Factor which he loathes but I adore.

But it was all TOTALLY PLATONIC. The only part that might have been slightly suspect was when he told me I looked nice. In a boyish way. What I mean is where they don't come out and say it but say something like: "Uh, you, uh, like, you, uh, look, well, uh, nice, I guess."
Apart from he didn't say "I guess".

Not that it would matter if he did. We were just two friends going to the cinema. And History class is over, like I said, so I won't see him again.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Dig

It's kind of cool when you dig yourself out of your own mess. Like for the past week, I have been emerged in total chaos. I was behind in my WebCT assignments, I had a HUGE essay due (that I'm just polishing up before I hand it in, by the way), I had my wallet nicked and thus no cash and people in my group for the recycling project were seriously pissed off at me.

I'm not saying I'm COMPLETELY out of the woods, but I'm getting there. Last night I got off my ass, emailed my group to explain what had happened (they've reluctantly forgiven me, but I'm gonna have to work extra hard to make it up to them), started reading for my essay and went on WebCT to check out what needed doing. Plus I cancelled all my cards and sorted out replacements (which was way more stressful than was necessary, let me tell you).

Yes, I did the responsible thing instead of letting the mess get EVEN BIGGER. And now I feel much better. I might even be able to enjoy my Christmas holidays without falling into a deep dark chasm of guilt. Might.


In more interesting news, on Monday night I went out with Ange and her new crew to Fifth Avenue. The extent of my nightime socialising at Uni has been going to Fool's Gold at MMU once. And it was o-kay I guess. I only went for my friend Mike's sake. And though I was dreading Monday night, I actually had a good time.

This was probably because Ange's friends were so nice and after an initial awkwardness I felt okay with them. The music didn't suck and I can hold my drink relatively well so I didn't run the risk of drunken antics. Ange on the other hand... Unfortunately, there were few good looking guys and the ones I got groped by were less than impressive, to say the least. Still, it was fun. I felt like shit for assuming I'd hate it and that Ange's friends were all gonna be totally stuck up and hate me.

I was wrong. I admit it.

And that's the last time you'll hear that, lemme tell you.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Breathe

Now I try to remember what happened this weekend I can't... well, apart from the fact that I met Dirk Kuyt, which was extremely cool. Of course, since I'm staff at the JJB stadium I couldn't snap a picci with my phone so you're just gonna have to take my word for it.

My muse has abandoned me and I am in serious mourning. Every time I try to write something it just... doesn't work. I want to write fanfiction, lots and lots of fanfiction. But I guess that isn't up to me.

In other news, Christmas is coming. And we are planning The Holiday 2007. Which means everyone is pretty much at each other's throats. I thought Vic might kill someone on Saturday night. Most likely: Danny. Watch out Dan, she's on the warpath!

In more devastating news, yes, the MacDonald Bros were eliminated from the X Factor on Saturday. And yes, I was devastated. I have been voting for the brothers all the way through so I'm totally gutted they had to go. And they missed out by just 1% of the vote! If they do release anything, I vow to buy it.
Life just isn't fair sometimes. Liverpool kick Wigan's ass, but the MacDonald Bros are eliminated. So cruel.

I'm sick of top tens. Who cares, right? And they change pretty quickly. Plus they're tough to think up, especially without my darling Muse. So, for the time being, my top tens are on hold.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

The Murder Mystery

Well, I wasn't the murderer. Oh well. Neither was Vic, much to her dismay. Still, the evening was immensely eventful. And I, though I say so myself, looked pretty fab. Although everyone did.

The murder mystery took quite a long time, probably because it's so bloody confusing. In the end, Kia was the murderer and only my friend Ruth guessed. I thought it was birthday boy Mark. Ah well.

After the mystery we all gathered around to play 'I Never' during which we found out way too much about Kia, got a little tipsy or (if unlike myself you couldn't handle your drink) verging on drunk, consumed an entire bottle of vodka then moved onto champagne and defined sexual deviance.

After which the fun really got started. Kia threw up whilst he was asleep, Toni found him and freaked out because she has a phobia of vomit, Ruth stomped on Vic's foot with her stiletto heel while they were dancing, Steph and Becca went missing and Nathan thought he heard Steph scream, Ruth fell outside and cut up her leg. What was kind of coolest and kind of weirdest about all this was that everyone kept turning to me to help out. Nathan came to me to help him find Steph and Becca, I had to go and calm Toni down, Ruth assured me that she was fine and that there was nothing to worry about and Mark asked me what he should do about Vic.

It was nice that they all felt they could rely on me. But I was quite shocked by how responsible they all were! I mean, the guys carried Kia to the toilet, cleaned him up, called his Mum to pick him up and then cleaned up the chair. And Steph and Becca were totally sober and had just gone off to get some fresh air. And Mark got some ice and tcp for Vic's foot. Ruth cleaned up her leg, got changed and sobered up pretty quickly.

If this had happened at my party, at my house I'd of been freaking out. But Mark seemed to just take it all in his stride (apart from worrying about Vic).

Anyway, it was a great night. Almost as great as Jackass 2 the night before! Almost.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Further Updates

Hmm, it's tough to recall everything I need to catch up on. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

Well, I've made a good friend at Uni. She's called Hannah and she's combined studies Psychology like me. We made friends in the first week when I got up the guts to ask if she wanted to come to the Fresher's Fair with me and Maiden. Since then we've been making time to hang out sometime every week, generally going to the cinema.
She's pretty cool (despite being a Newcastle fan, ha!) and we have a lot in common. I think that's just one of the things I've been a little bit disappointed about; people at uni all seem to have very different interests to me. I haven't really met anyone yet with my love and adoration of music. Sad. I guess I was expecting a load of Owen Armstrongs walking around. Or at least one.

Maybe the one is me.

In other news, on Saturday I am girly. I've been invited to my friend Markie's murder mystery party. Which is set in the 60s, which means I have to wear a dress. A short dress. And heels. And make-up. And tights! Many wonderful pictures shall be posted!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Unspeakable Thursday (a few weeks ago now)

Yeah, the fabulous news is that I HAVE INTERNET AT HOME AGAIN!

Not exactly the super fast broadband connection I'm used to (only 2meg) BUT I'm paying for my own internet now, so I refuse to pay extortionate Telewest prices just for faster internet. REFUSE. Gosh, the developments in just one month are... well, pretty huge. I can't decide what I should catch up on first. Well, if I don't explain UNSPEAKABLE THURSDAY nothing else will really make sense.

Okay, so, over the first few weeks of Uni I'd seen David around a couple of times. And then Toni happened to catch the train with him one morning (which I was pretty annoyed about because I'd caught the earlier train. Darn it!) and got talking to him. About me. This, of course, thrilled me beyond all comprehension. And then once they'd got off the train she BROUGHT HIM TO WHERE I WAS INNOCENTLY DRINKING A PRE-LECTURE CUP OF TEA. We chatted a little then all had to run off to lecture.

The funny thing about all this is, I've been seeing David every thursday morning which means I've been stumbling into lecture completely delirious and totally freaking out my History buddy Mike who has, unknowingly, watched the progression of this pathetic crush. Yes, pathetic. Because after two weeks of forcing conversation with him, getting all prettied up on Thursday mornings (and getting up WAY earlier than I needed to, well twenty minutes anyway), David drops the bombshell. Only I don't hear him. Toni does.

Cue the scene: It's the fourth Thursday of this entire debacle. David has spoken even less than usual. I'm at the end of my tether. We split off from him at the Humanities building and I start walking down to Mansfield Cooper with Toni.
Me: That's it! I give up!
Toni: I'm sorry Karen. I wouldn't have asked if I'd of known.
Me: Asked what?
Toni: Er, nothing. Forget it.
(Suddenly I feel rather sick. The truth can do that to you.)
Me: Asked what, Maid?
Toni: Well, when I asked what his type was...
(Ah yes. A bus had roared past at this point in Toni's interrogation of David and I'd missed the bombshell. Darn it!)
Toni:... and he went, well, my girlfriend I guess.

Yes. His girlfriend. As in the girl I'd seen him with over summer but allowed Toni to convince me was probably his sister or something. So after that I was pretty much gutted. And ashamed because I'd spouted on and on and on to Toni about how much I liked him.

Still, by the time I'd got into lecture, the anger had pretty much reared up and I was pissed! Because why had he done this if he had a girlfriend? There was no denying it, I'd been led on. And maybe he didn't even know he'd been doing it, but he made me feel as though he was interested. And I didn't imagine that. Talking about me with Toni and Jonny, being so nice to me about my flat, being shier around me than everyone else.

I didn't imagine it. But I didn't really have much time to dwell on it. Because what happened afterwards was pretty surreal as well. I wrote about it afterwards:

Unspeakable Thursday

On Thursday I truly believed that my heart was broken. But you know, the heart is a resilient organ. And mine is, apparently, no exception. For a mere seven minutes after I discovered my love life had truly hit rock bottom, HISTORY DUDE made an appearance. And HISTORY DUDE was sweet and kind to me in my hour of need.
And it’s like the old saying, when you’re not waiting for a bus, along come two!
Entering also into the mess that is my life the next day was TRAIN DUDE!

THE SHORT AND UNINTERESTING TALE OF HISTORY DUDE

(Scene: Karen has just slumped down in a seat on the third row of Mansfield Cooper Lecture Hall 2.1 after being devastated. She is cold, wet and unloved. And she also has to suffer through a Dr. Jerram lecture. Ouch. Life is a bitch.)
(Karen texts her ex-boyfriend Cal. Text reads: “I hate him!”)
(HISTORY DUDE shuffles down the third row and takes his seat near Karen.)
HISTORY DUDE: Here’s your handout.
Karen: Cheers.
(Silence falls. Karen fidgets and finally decides not to send the message. With a sigh she slips her phone in her pocket.)
HISTORY DUDE: You okay?
(Karen looks at HISTORY DUDE sharply. He is smiling, concernedly. Now is the time to mention Karen and HISTORY DUDE have met briefly before. He is not just a random stranger taking an interest.)
Karen: Yeah. I think so.
HISTORY DUDE: You look kinda… pissed.
Karen: Mm. Long story.
(HISTORY DUDE scoots up so he is sat next to Karen.)
HISTORY DUDE: I guess this is the last place you want to be.
Karen: I think everyone is feeling that way right now.
HISTORY DUDE: Not me. But I’m a freak of nature.
(Karen laughs. The sound is odd considering it is only minutes since she supposedly had her heart broken. How… WEIRD)
(Dr. Jerram enters looking bald and camp as always. Silence falls across the lecture hall. HISTORY DUDE catches Karen’s eye and smiles, supportively.)

I’m not gonna read anything into it. He was sweet. The end. The tale of TRAIN DUDE is less significant, involves me falling on my ass and swearing enough to shame a drunk sailor. Plus it’s way longer so I can’t remember all of it (despite my generally fabulous memory). As well as that, the chances of me ever seeing TRAIN DUDE ever again are slim, whereas I’ll see HISTORY DUDE again after reading week.

So, what happened with David, right? Oh Goddesses, the shame and humiliation is just too unbearable. Make some guesses or assumptions. Anything except that he’s gay. Because I happen to have EXCELLENT gaydar so that could never happen. I just cannot write (type) down what actually did happen. Because despite HISTORY DUDE and TRAIN DUDE, I’m not over it yet. In fact, it hasn’t really sunk in. Like I keep thinking about him and then I remember the events of Thursday and have to attempt to focus upon something else.

Love sucks. Really, it does.

Top 10 reasons it’s “tough to have a crush”:

1. It makes you nervous like all the time
2. It makes you even more aware of your single status
3. It makes you LOATHE all the things you originally didn’t like about yourself
4. You read too much meaning in songs
5. You have to look presentable at all times
6. IT DISTRACTS YOU IN STATE, NATION AND NATIONALISM LECTURE!
7. You bore your friends stupid a lot of the time about your crush
8. You say and do things that you will soon live to regret
9. You mix up your priorities
10. You DEVALUE the luxury of being single (it exists, honestly)

Ohmygosh, I’ve just realised that that OK Go song describes Unspeakable Thursday almost perfectly!!! Wowza! God, I’m so pathetic that OK Go have a song about how pathetic I am. *Sigh*

Well it’s tough to have a crush
When the boy doesn’t feel the same way you do
Well it’s tough to have a crush
When your best friend breaks the news

Perhaps you’ll find me feeling better in a day or two
But it’s tough to have a crush on you

Well it’s tough to have a crush
Who ever knew such hullabaloo?
Well it’s tough to have a crush
When it only leaves you blue

Perhaps they’ll find you in the river in a month or two
Well it’s tough, sometimes, to crush on you

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Stress

Ugh, I am so stressed. Just got an email from my Sociology tutor telling me that I'm a million miles behind and that I've got two essays to do over Reading Week. On top of that I have a non-assessed essay for Intro to American History to do and a MASSIVE essay for State, Nation and Nationalism that I have to begin a mountain of research for. The JOY!

This, by the way, is me stressed:

Monday, October 23, 2006

Beautiful

I've just had an awesome weekend. Now, here is the promised update, complete with pictures!

So, this weekend I got to see the new Sofia Coppola film Marie Antoinette. As I expected, it was truly awesome! A feast of beauty, so much so that I was cursing Kirstin Dunst for her seemingly endless youthful beauty throughout. I mean, how old is she? (*Goes on imdb to check*) Okay, she's 24 and she can STILL realistically play a seventeen year old! I mean, at least on Dawson's Creek you could tell most of them were five years older than their characters! God, I hate Kirstin Dunst, but there is no denying, she is beautiful.

But not as beautiful as CAITLIN, Catt and Harry's baby girl whom I saw for the first time last week. And she is like... I can't explain it. She's so beautiful that just looking at her makes you feel so glad you're alive! And Catt and Harry are both just so chuffed! And so they should be, SHE'S ADORABLE! I can't wait to buy her loads of clothes and cute things she doesn't need!

Ah yes, also this weekend was the long-awaited InMe gig! It was a really great night, despite the fact that DAVE MCPHERSON HAD SHAVED OFF HIS HAIR AND EYEBROWS AS PART OF A BET! Yes, I kid you not. Still, he remains delectable, even though he is completely hairless (his words, not mine, though I assure you he did not back up this claim with any visual evidence other than his head). And the verdict on Greg McPherson; he's so SWEET! He was being really nice with the crowd and he just looked like he was honestly having the time of his life! I like that sort of sincerity and gratitude in a band.

As for moi, I am busy as ever. Later I'm going watching The World Trade Center film (not my pick, I swear!) and this week my schedule is just jam packed. Seems the world just can't get enough of me.

Which is more than I can say for David Gibson. Progress is slow. As is conversation. Still, the more I find out, the more I... well, like.
God Help me.
Top 10 recent disappointments:
1. My conversation with David last week
2. Jackass 2 being moved back to November 24th
3. The whole Guillemots fiasco
4. Not being able to go see Marie Antoinette with Vic on Friday
5. Ange ditching us on Vic's birthday
6. My flat
7. Psychology lectures so far
8. My Mum not telling me about going into business with my Aunt
9. Liverpool's away performances (excluding Bordeaux)
10. My hair. It sucks lately.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Too... busy... must... procrastinate...

Greetings from the Queen of Procrastination currently trying to get out from under this pile of work.

My lack of postings is partly due to internet problems and partly due to how busy I am. BUT updates are ahead including: exclusive pictures of Catt and Harry's baby daughter Caitlin, info on Vic's 17th, more fanfiction inspiration and general whatnot.

I will return very soon!

Monday, October 09, 2006

I hate iTunes

God, I think I see now why Microsoft and the PC still rules. Probably because mac products may look cool and shiny but they SUCK!
iTunes is ruining my life. I paid 180 quid so I wouldn't have to deal with all this hassle! I've reinstalled iTunes TWICE, restored my iPod FIVE TIMES and put the same 1348 songs back onto my iPod TOO MANY TIMES TO COUNT! Yeah, so two of my Zen Creatives upped and died on me in less than a year, but I didn't have all these problems with the software. In fact, the creative software made it a DODDLE to upload my many tunes. Which you would expect, because it was BLOODY EXPENSIVE!

I apologise for my extensive use of capitals. It's gone half two in the morning, I have a very long day tomorrow, I haven't had a particularly good day and now I just want to go to bed.

But I have to upload my iTunes library. AGAIN.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Order

I think I may be an organisational freak when it comes to some things. Like the files on my computer and the songs on my I-pod (originally named Quientin but now renamed MADISON for future reference). No matter how long it takes (and it often takes a VERY long time) everything has to be filed in the right place with the right name and details.

I used to think this was a lovable quirk, now I'm not so sure. My friends often find it quite amusing, because my need for order stretches to things like my bedroom and the washing up. I CANNOT leave the washing up undone. I HAVE to do it or I go crazy. Even if there's only a little bit of it. In the same way, I can't live with my bedroom being messy for more than a couple of days before the need to tidy takes over.

I'm hardly Miss. Organised. I mean, I like things in order but that doesn't necessarily mean everything in perfect order. But I still need my standard of order in my world. I think that's why I might be good at my job, because I just CAN'T leave a kitchen looking like a tip, I just HAVE to clean it up.

So I guess my love of list making is perfectly understandable.

Top 10 things you should know about me:

1. I cannot live without music
2. I like to store up memories
3. I'm a sucker for any kind of romance
4. I'm sarcastic
5. I don't have very conventional taste in, well, anything. Especially guys.
6. I support Liverpool Football Club
7. I have to write some form of diary. For the sake of my sanity.
8. When I'm through with Uni I want to be a YA author.
9. My music goes everywhere with me (via MADISON)
10. I believe in personifying inanimate objects (my laptop, Ville, my pen, Sean, my Ipod, Madison etc, etc.)

Friday, September 29, 2006

OK Go at Music Zone


Sorry I’ve been so brief and late in my blogging lately. Internet problems, life problems and time management problems are all an issue right now. Still, I know what you’re dying to hear about. OK GO!

I shall not disappoint you, it was every bit as wonderful as I’d expected, just not in the way I’d expected. It turned out that the music zone appearance was AWESOME and the gig was okay. Krista and me got to music zone at around 4 and there was like a couple of people. So we just went to the front of this cordoned off area and figured we’d wait. At quarter past Maiden joined us and then Ange turned up just after we’d seen Damian and Tim walk in.
We had to wait until half five for the band to come on because Rusty was stuck in traffic somewhere. And Dan? DAN DIDN’T EVEN SHOW UP! THEY PLAYED THE SET WITHOUT DRUMS!

Dan Konopka you evaded me again! DAMMNIT!

Anyway, the set was great. The guys played five songs: a Smiths cover, Do What You Want, Million Ways, Oh Lately It’s So Quiet and Here It Goes Again. And since we were at the front we were basically sitting at their feet as they played. And afterwards we got some stuff signed. Oh bliss!

The gig that night was pretty much packed so after OK Go we ditched the Academy and headed home. God knows DAN KONOPKA wasn’t hanging around. I will meet him though, mark my words!

In other, non OK Go related news, I’ve made my final decision. I cannot live in this hellhole of a flat anymore. Tomorrow I get my moving out form and start the process of applying for termination of my accommodation contract. I have no regrets. This place sucks.

As well as that classes have begun! Today I had my FIRST EVER lecture – Intro To American History. Gods, it was nerve-wracking. In the end our tutor Natalie, who is AMERICAN, just told us a little about the course and stuff. More tomorrow and Thursday and Friday. The joy overwhelms me (*cough* sarcasm *cough*).

Also, my stupid internet in my dorm is not working AGAIN. So this will be posted in a computer cluster. That’s why you might not recognise what’s going on behind me, don’t panic.

Top 10 reasons I cannot live in Oak House, Flat 68, Room 69 anymore:

1. My flatmates just want to get drunk. And that clashes with me SLEEPING.
2. This whole internet thing! I need CONSTANT internet access!
3. My room is right near the bar. Another clash with my slumber schedule.
4. None of the friends I’ve made live in Fallowfield
5. I miss being able to walk into the kitchen/bathroom whenever I like to do whatever I like.
6. It’s expensive living in. And so not worth it.
7. There’s nothing to DO.
8. I have NOTHING in common with my flatmates.
9. I miss Vic being across the road
10. I miss REAL food. I can live off sandwiches no more!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Uni = easy? I don' THINK SO!

So, here it is, my class schedule for the first semester. I'm being so organised that I've got everything written down in my academic planner! Eek!

Monday:
12-1: Intro To American History (Lecture)
1-2: Social Thought 1 (Tutorial)

Tuesday:
10-11: State Nation and Nationalism (Lecture)
12-1: Intro To American History (Lecture)
3-4: State, Nation and Nationalism (Tutorial)

Wednesday:
NOTHING! Woo, I'm just gonna sleep all day.

Thursday:
10-11: State, Nation and Nationalism (Lecture)
11-12: Social Psychology, Health Psychology and Psychopathology (Lecture) (God, what a mouthful!)

Friday:
11-12: Intro to American History (Tutorial)
12-2: Social Thought 1 (Lecture)
2-3: Social Psychology, Health Psychology and Psychopathology (Lecture)

SO! There is my week at Uni. Looks like Thursday and Monday are my kinder days. I'm just gonna be waiting for Wednesday all the time! It is pretty much my own fault for taking such a stupid combined studies degree. Most people have a pretty even spread of classes over semesters. Me? Yeah, a 70/30 spread.

I must be insane.

Top 10 things for me to do on Wednesdays:

1. Sleep
2. Work (not that I will, but I SHOULD)
3. Play on my gamecube
4. Watch Cardcaptors
5. Blog
6. Write fanfiction
7. Go to the CINEMA! Yay!
8. Read lots of slushy romance books
9. Catch up with the NME chart
10. Sod all. I earned a bloody day off!

OOh! My i-pod has finally arrived and is waiting at home for me. Woo hoo! Soon I'm gonna be a cool kid with an i-pod. My dream is kinda to have 9,900 songs on my i-pod, like Owen Armstrong in Just Listen. This dream was shattered, however, when someone told me I could only fit 7,500 songs on a 30 gb ipod. Is this true? I had a 30 gb Zen and apparently (I never put it to the test) I could have fitted 15,000 songs on there. Huh.

Anyway, I'll still be emanating my hero Owen Armstrong with my beautiful shiny white ipod!

Friday, September 22, 2006

Get get get GET OVER IT!

Ok, I might just be over the whole messing everything up with David thing. But how could I not be over it on a day like this?! A happy occasion when I am SEEING OK GO TWICE IN THE SAME DAY!!!!!!!

I'm quite excited. Gosh, twice! I didn't think it could get so good. In a minute I'm gonna put on a shirt (yeah, kinda writing this post in my bra to keep my fresh t-shirt from getting sweaty) and catch a bus, meet up with Krista and then go! OK GO RULE!!!

Mm, excited. I'm hoping I can finally meet Dan who, despite the fact I've met OK Go twice, has evaded me until this day. How infuriating! Dan is a vital member, if not the most vital! I shall meet him if it is the last thing I do!!!

Yay! OK Go-ness all day! I cannot be sad about ANYTHING! Woo!

Top 10 reasons OK Go should rule the world:

1. They are awesome. Musically, that is, but also in every other way!
2. They are style innovators!
3. They can dance!
4. They are hot (esp Rusty, oh divine one)
5. They care about the issues!
6. They care about their FANS (that's rare, believe me)
7. They have NEVER got the credit they deserved.
8. Damian Kulash's rear end is like a ripe peach. Oh hell yes.
9. Tim is bald AND cool. THAT is ultra rare.
10. They all are very nice upstanding blokes who love dancing, performing and general tom foolery. Aw, shucks.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Oh WHY... oh why... oh WHY...

Oh why. Oh why. Oh why didn't I just WAIT PATIENTLY outside the combined studies office!? If I had none of this would have happened and I would still be here, dreaming about David Gibson, the dreamy writer/silent guy of my dreams.

I've already had to recall the disaster that was the fifteen minutes I walked with David Gibson twice for the sake of Toni and my solid diary. And then a million times in my head. I guess I just want to get the facts straight so I can... be depressed for multiple reasons? I'm just glutton for punishment, aren't I?

Okay, so I bumped into David. I don't want to go into it. I did and said everything that I shouldn't have (apart from murdering him as my friend Krista suggested as a worse case scenario). And part of me is like... did that ACTUALLY happen or has my evil imagination made it all up? But, oh fuck, it happened.

New profile picture!!! My old one didn't reflect me any more. I think I look pretty hippy on that photo. Toni took it at Leeds after Kirsty had plaited some of my hair. I like black and white photos because they blank out all your imperfections (like that fading zit or the sheen of sweat on your skin). Damn those too truthful colour photos.

Top 10 things I SHOULDN'T have said to/told David:

1. I am aware that he lives in Standish
2. I was told that he hated University people
3. I got Toni to ask Jonny about him
4. I hate my flatmates
5. I miss home
6. I like trains
7. I like watching people on trains
8. I'm going to blow all my student loan on something I don't need
9. He sounded negative about stuff
10. That I live in Hindley. He probably thinks I'm like the daughter of the fucking Hindley mafia or something. Hell.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Offline Blog

For the past couple of days while I've been moving into uni I've been offline. It drove me very close to insanity which makes me think I rely a little too much on the internet, but it isn't like I didn't know that already.
I just put it to the test.

Offline blog:

18th September

I’m still not online so I can’t post this on my blog. They’re playing shit music right outside my flat and I can’t close my window or else I’ll suffocate so I just have to blast Incubus instead. I don’t generally believe in overlapping music, but desperate times and all.


I’ve made a decision. And I know I’m only gonna get a load of trouble because of it, but I just can’t pretend to myself and drastic measures are gonna have to be taken. I don’t want to live in Oak House.

I HATE it here. Like, you would think that’s an exaggeration but the only reason I’ve calmed down now is because I know I’m getting out of here. My flatmates just wanna go out and get pissed, my room is right near the bar so I get no sleep at all and I have to PAY for this misery. It SUCKS.

So I’m gonna tell Maiden and Ange later on. Ange is gonna be pissed, I know. And I feel fucking terrible for leaving her. But in a couple of weeks she’ll make mates and won’t need me anyway. Besides, I just feel like I’m holding her back. She wants to go out, socialise, meet people. I’m just too intimidated and self-conscious to do that. I know she’s bored shitless when we’re hanging out together and I get the feeling she thinks I’ll change eventually. But I won’t. I have to face facts, there’s very little here for me.

Don’t get me wrong, it has its advantages. Having everything just five minutes away is great. And it would be awesome to just go to a gig and walk back here afterwards. But it just isn’t worth it, in the long run. Apparently I give 28 days notice before I leave. So that gives me another four weeks here which means all the gigs I planned are covered and I can start moving some stuff home during that period. I think Dad might have to pick up some stuff (i.e. television, stereo etc.). God, my parents. I can’t even think about telling them yet. But my mind is made up. I can’t stand this place. I don’t like my flatmates, I don’t want to go out and get pissed and there just isn’t enough gigs to make this worthwhile.

I guess it was talking to Alex this morning (a nice girl I met in the combined studies meeting). When she told me she was living at home I was SO jealous. And when I called Toni and she said she was just hanging out at home. And as soon as I figured out what I had to go to this week I was already planning when I could go home. That just isn’t normal.

I’m sad because I had such high hopes for this. And I know how shit it’s gonna be having to tell everyone. But this is the only way. Even another 28 days might kill me.

So that’s it. Give it about a week; if nothing changes I’m outta here.


Later

So, it’s done. Went for a coffee with Ange and Maiden. Now I come to think of it, tonight I’m not as miserable as the other nights. But I know that’s only because it’s quieter tonight. I don’t have to say I’m DEFINITELY moving out, I said to the guys that I’d give it a week. But somehow I know I can’t live here for a year. Not when I’m happier living at home. The only perk I can’t have at home is a place to crash after gigs and I can deal with that. I’ve dealt with it before, after all. I think I’d like to get a house next year. The idea of living with Toni kinda freaked me out, but now I see it would be the perfect solution. There’d always be someone there and I’d get the same perks as here, but without the MASSIVE downsides.
Sounds like a plan.

Still, that’s in a year, right? Bit early to be thinking about that. On the upside I’ve sorted my internet and should be online in my room in about a day and in the meantime I can use the computer clusters.

Maybe I’m not as depressed as yesterday. Or this morning. But… I am still certain, right?
Yes. Yes. Things won’t change. Everyone here only wants one thing and that just isn’t what I want.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Addictions

Amongst a bumper pack of advice that Manchester Uni sent me, I read that it was not a good idea to get addicted to things whilst at Uni as this can lead to late nights, withdrawing from others and overlooking educational responsibilities (basically, not going to bed till 4 am, locking yourself in your dorm and never going to class).

So, maybe I should be worried that I've suddenly developed an addiction to Cardcaptor Sakura!

It's so fab!!! It's like the cutest story ever. And I liked it when I watched the severely edited American version, but the original Japanese version rocks! I love all the characters and learning a little about Japanese culture.


Top 10 things I adore about Cardcaptor Sakura:
1. Shaoran and Sakura’s romance!
2. Yue. He’s dreamy.
3. Kero’s obsession with food, especially sweets
4. Toya teasing Sakura and even Shaoran
5. Tomoyo’s battle costumes!
6. FESTIVALS! They have like a million!
7. How clueless Sakura is
8. The beautiful cards
9. How nice everyone is, everyone just gets along.
10. How cool Sakura’s Dad is. He cooks, he runs, he sews, he smiles a lot… What a dude!

I move into my dorm tomorrow! EEK!

Monday, September 11, 2006

Where were you...

I posted something neutral. But then I felt bad and had to delete it. If I'm honest I didn't even realise it was September 11th until I got home from shopping with my Grandma.

I don't want to post a cheesy poem or some impersonal prayer. What I think is most befitting is the story of where you were when you found out.

I was thirteen years old. And I'd heard a few things at school, but nothing I'd taken real note of. But when I got home and saw my Mum sat watching the television, I got a bad feeling in my stomach. I can remember walking into the living room and seeing Mum perched on the edge of the couch, the remote still clutched in her hand and her hand over her mouth in horror.

Throughout the evening the television stayed on as slowly pieces of information began to form a vague picture.

God, it was horrible though. Some people might have thought that the instances of teamwork and bravery were inspiring, but I could take nothing good from it. All I could see were children, waiting for lost parents to come home, young lovers lost and alone, friends shaken until they broke.

I can still find nothing good in September 11th. Only evil and pain.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Oak House


So on Monday me and my family went to check out where I'm gonna live for the next year. Oak House.

Typical student accom, but I'm excited nonetheless. Fallowfield is like ultimate student village. We were walking about and my Dad kept commenting on all the places we were walking past.

"Hey look Kaz, a starbucks! You like Starbucks, right? Ooh, a launderette, you're gonna need that. A McDonalds, I know, I know, you don't like McDonalds, but it's there, right? That looks like a nice pub. And there's a nandos!"
I think he's worried about me going. It's sweet really, if sometimes a little annoying, but I'd be pissed off if he wasn't worrying about me going, so...
We went for a drive to see how far Fallowfield is from Oxford Road (for GIG purposes, of course!) and it isn't too bad, super short bus journey, long but interesting walk since Curry Mile (or what I assume is Curry Mile, but how could it NOT be?!) is en route from my digs to the Uni.

Ooh, there's a WAFFLE place called Source! I can't wait to take Vic there for breakfast the day after the Ok Go gig!

Gosh, it's really happening! We were driving back from Oxford road, past the place I'd soon call home and the new Killers song as blasting on the radio and I was just suddenly so EXCITED!!! It's real! I'm really going to Manchester Uni like I've dreamed of since I went to my first gig!!!

Top 10 things I can’t wait for at Uni:

1. Gigs!
2. Living in
3. Classes
4. Joining some kick arse societies
5. Sweet waffles!!!
6. Meeting Like Minded People
7. Being independent
8. Branching out
9. MORE GIGS
10. Being a lazy work shy student!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Hairdressers

I'm every hairdresser's worst nightmare. Not because I have bad hair, because hairdressers are used to having to deal with bad hair. No, mainly because I don't talk. And hairdressers just can't deal with people who don't talk.

Top 10 topics of discussion at the Hairdressers:

1. Big Brother
2. TV in general
3. Holidays
4. Missing Persons
5. Women's stuff (like menopause)
6. Hair (all the way down at number 6!)
7. People's marriages
8. Weddings
9. Celebrities
10. Places to eat

Monday, August 14, 2006

Ohmygod York!

WHAT THE HELL!

Seriously, when I signed up to go on holiday in York with a few mates I had no idea what would happen. It was a real experience. I kind of figured we'd shop a lot, do some touristy stuff and go out a couple of nights. And we did all of that.

What I didn't think we'd do was talk about everything. Everything. From poo, to masturbation, sex, beliefs, bullying, drugs, fears, anger, love, regrets and even death.
And only now am I starting to understand how much better it feels to tell people, the right people, things rather than keep it all inside.

I guess it started one night when we were hanging out in the living room. Kirsty and Sweeney were at the pub and Steph had gone to bed so it was just the remaining seven of us. So we played this game where we all told Danny a revelation about ourselves and then he read them out and we had to guess who each one belonged too.

The first round was pretty tame, like I said that my cousin was in prison for armed robbery. But by the second round the stakes were higher, this time the revelations included; a gay kiss, dope smoking and oral sex. This, apparently, was too much for Vicki and she went to bed. And then there were six.

We played a bit of truth. I shouldn't really disclose what was said, circle of truth and all. Let's just say it was like when you think you're the only one that does something and you start thinking you're a total freak, but then you find out loads of people do it and you're totally normal. What a relief.

After truth, Vic was so tired that she was forced to retire to bed. And then there were five. That night everything came out and pretty much all of us cried. But the biggest thing was that Angela opened up about her Dad for the first time since he died. And I don't think I've ever been so proud of anyone in my life. Because the courage it took for her to tell us things was phenomenal. I have no idea how hard it must have been.

So, after that things didn't get quite so raw and emotional for the rest of the week. The five of us, it seemed, after that had just bonded. It was all so surreal, especially that night. A lot of other stuff went on, like us guys making the "Markie Likes Poos" video and boat rides and kitchen madness, but that, I'm sure, will come out some other time.



Top 10 moments of the York Holiday:

1. Ange opening up to us
2. Making the "Markie Likes Poos" video
3. Watching the "Markie Likes Poos" video
4. Going on a boat ride on the canal
5. Going on the boat ride AGAIN
6. Our fabulous meal on the Friday
7. Going on the Carousel!
8. SHOPPING
9. Laughing at Danny. On various occasions.
10. Encouragement night

Friday, August 04, 2006

A Day To Go!

Yep, I've been neglecting my blog. It isn't that I'm necessarily so busy, although I haven't been COMPLETELY unnocupied. So, here's some of what I've been up to.

1. Working. A lot.
2. Going up the Rivington with Kirsty.


3. Going BOWLING!


4. Going to the pub!


5. Shopping!

Of course, those are just the few days. Otherwise I've been writing, playing harevest moon, worrying about results, thinking about David and preparing for my holiday next week. The joy!So there it is, my uber quick update! I shall hopefully return next week from York with many tales to tell!

Top 10 things that people forget to pack:

  1. Towels
  2. Toothbrush
  3. Hairdryer
  4. Earrings (Mum's suggestion, not mine)
  5. Notebooks
  6. Phone Charger
  7. Camera Charger
  8. BATTERIES
  9. Razor
  10. Umbrella

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Golf and Holidays


So I'm in the full swing of holiday preparations WHILST sorting out uni stuff AS WELL AS trying to do some shifts at work AND watching the British Open.

<---- GO ADAM SCOTT! HE ROCKS!

So that means there hasn't been much time to update my blog. Things should get more interesting in August, I promise! Right now I'm just keeping busy enough so I don't have enough time to stress about my results. Eeek!

I had my first IMAX cinema screen experience on Wednesday when me and Toni went to watch Superman. I've gotta say, it was pretty cool, especially the sheer SIZE of the screen. When the guy said it was eight storeys high I was like "Pfft!" But he was not exaggerating. Imagine Kevin Spacey's head on a screen bigger than your house. Scary, huh?
I did enjoy it, I mean the image of a place wing coming RIGHT AT YOU is cool and all, but I couldn't help but find it a little intrusive, bordering on voyeuristic. Maybe that's just me though.

Top 10 Golf players:

1. ADAM SCOTT!!!
2. Luke Donald
3. Sergio Garcia
4. Ian Poulter
5. Vijay Singh
6. Justin Rose
7. Julien Guerrier
8. Shingo Katayama
9. Retief Goosen
10. Trevor Immelman

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Trouble

If you can believe it (and those who know me well probably won't) I have a new mobile phone! Shocking. And I'm currently also suffering on the atkins diet.

And Saturday was one of the worst days of my life for several reasons:

a) England were knocked out of the World Cup by bastard Portugal
b) I met the most annoying person I've ever had the misfortune to meet
c) I saw David in Standish
d) I had an argument with my Dad and became subsequently despairingly depressed

So I was chilling out yesterday since I've now officially left college and therefore am required to do NOTHING and I decided to finally let my birthday balloon go.

It floated over the top of the house and round to the front so I ran to the front door to watch it go. With one hand holding the door I looked up at the sky. The sun was bright so I lifted my hand from the door to shield my eyes and BANG the door shut behind me.
I was locked out the house with wet hair, wearing shorts and t-shirt and no shoes with only a digital camera. Rob had gone out for God knows how long so I was forced to go next door and seek help.


Thankfully our next door neighbour is very kind and was happy to help me. He had to pretty much demolish his fence so we could lift it up and I could slide through a narrow gap (good job I'm on a diet!) into my back garden.

How humiliating.

Top 10 foods I am craving right now:

1. Jam on toast
2. A Greenhaulghs steak and ale pie
3. Cheesecake
4. Jammy Dodgers
5. Crisp sandwiches
6. Apple pie and ice-cream
7. Hot Dogs
8. Lasagne
9. Garlic Bread
10. Rolo yoghurts

That list was not very comforting.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Flour Baby

As a late birthday gift, amongst other gifts, I was given a flour baby from Krista and Skinny. He's very sweet, if a little messy (he keeps leaking. need some duct tape). I haven't quite decided on a name for him yet, but I'm considering Solistice.


This is him reading Odyssey.

And settling in on his first night with crackle bear.

Am I insane? Most likely.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Birthday


Of course, I must post about the massive event that was MY EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY. Yes, it was all a huge success. I got up fairly early and came down to open cards. Let me be frank, I was shocked by how much money I got (and slightly guilty since not all my relatives are totally well off). It's enough for a bonza sound system, some CDs and various treats and money for York! Vic came across and I got more hugs and pressies (the new Raconteurs album and a pad for my gamecube). We headed to Wigan where Mark, Krista, Steph and Vicky L were waiting. Both myself and Mark were slightly apprehensive since we were both getting piercings. We caught up with Toni and Ange in Hindley (Ange's gift to me was paying for my piercing) and we were off.

I'll skip past the rest and get straight to getting my piercing done. I was massively nervous, but there are some things you just have to do. I went in the back of The Studio with Vic who was filming it on my Dad's camera and sat down on a dentist style chair. The dude was nice. He told me to close my eyes so I wouldn't see the needle go through. I could feel the clamp on my eyebrow - "Take a deep breath now" - and then a bit of a sharp pain in my eyebrow and then it was done. It's fab, I really do love it. You know when you think something will be awesome but you don't reckon it can live up to your expectations? This totally has!

Me before:















Me after (not a very flattering picture):















After that the day was pretty much what you'd expect, shopping, cake, antics, more presents, singing etc.

Top 10 moments of my birthday:

1. Getting my eyebrow pierced
2. Blowing out the candles of my birthday cake and making a wish
3. The guys spontaneously singing to me on the train
4. Sitting on the steps of the Arndale with my compadres
5. Running through the train station
6. Playing double dash with Vic n Kirsty
7. Reading AJ's letter
8. Running up and downstairs in the Arndale
9. Chowing down on KFC
10. Hanging out outside the condom shop!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Differences

Isn't it interesting how people in the same family who share the same genes can be so different? Last night I had this total craving for hot dogs (it's a good job I can be sure I'm not pregnant) so during Desperate Housewives my family ate hot dogs.

My Mum likes her hot dogs slathered in mustard and onions.


My Dad likes his hot dogs with onions and ketchup.


And I like my hot dogs with tons of relish and no onions in sight!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Role Models

So I caved and texted Serena back. I'm not sure exactly what I expected, but at the end of long, uncomfortable days you often find yourself hoping for the best. To put it plainly, her response was cold. She invited me to some barbeque, probably in the hope that she can reform me and draw me back into church, her little side project. Her charity case. Her very own heathen.

It's not like I can go to this barbeque. Because who will be there? Lots of people from church. And what will they ask? Where have you been? And what the hell am I supposed to tell them? The truth? That I haven't been to church because it's all fake, because that church cares so much about people and numbers it's willing to water down God and everything that we stand for?

Something tells me if I said that I wouldn't get invited back to Serena's place.

I lied before. I know exactly what I expected, or at least what I was hoping. I was hoping that Serena might suggest we get together for a chat. And then maybe, just maybe I could tell her something. Anything. Cos let's face it, I'm not telling anyone else. Apart from possibly Krista, but I really can't explain that.

I've always really looked up to Serena and seriously respected her because she takes shit from no one and is sarcastic, like me. But now I wonder how much I can respect her if she's willing to become just like them. All about the people.

Or maybe I'm reading too much into a text message.

Top 10 role models throughout my life:

1. Daniel Johns
2. My Mum (I know everyone says it, but it's true)
3. Annette Heyes
4. Malcolm X
5. Alison (even though I was jealous rotten of her)
6. Sarah Dessen
7. Serena
8. Nick Drake

9. Katie Holmes
10. God (just in case that doesn't go without saying)

On Friday it's my eighteenth birthday and hopefully I should be getting my eyebrow pierced!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Ebay

My family officially have an ebay addiction. I'm buying truckloads of CDs, my Dad is perusing for a new golf putter, my Mum wants some earrings and my Grandmother wants a moonstone necklace.

See, the thing is, Ebay is the ultimate shopping experience. If you're looking for ANYTHING, you're almost guaranteed to find it there! I've bought some ultra rare CDs and artwork off there. And yeah, there is a little risk involved, I mean I've never been ripped off, but my best mate did for a hundred quid guitar.

BUT, I reckon the risk is worth it. Where else can you shop in your pajamas? Plus, I have a fondness for internet shopping because of the excitement of a parcel arriving!

If you've never been on Ebay, SIGN UP and if you have, you probably understand my pain.

Top 10 things to buy on Ebay:

1. CDS!!!
2. CDS!!!
3. Artwork (really, you can get some fab stuff by underground artists)
4. DVDs
5. Jewelry
6. Odd memorabilia (I bought a Hanson magnet!)
7. T-shirts (esp Band T-shirts)
8. Lamps. Really.
9. BAGS
10. Badges

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Sunburn

Top 10 pieces of news:
1. Zac Hanson is getting married! SWEEET!
2. A new Muse album!
3. My birthday in 10 days
4. The Omen is out! Go watch it cos Julia Stiles rules!
5. Leeds Fest is so much closer!
6. Jacklyn Moriarty has released a new book! Hurrah!
7. My internet is working again!
8. The world cup starts on Saturday (well, Friday officially)
9. Peter Crouch can dance like a robot!
10. It's Sarah Dessen's birthday today! Celebrate the birth of a YA genius!

She burns like the sun and I can't look away!!!

Sunburn is my favourite ever song by Muse, and favourite song altogether. But I do not generally enjoy sunburn itself which I suffered yesterday.

It didn't even look sunny as I chilled out in the back garden listening to some AWESOME tunes and reading a book. And (since blogs entries just aren't as good anymore without pictures) here is my proof!

And the book, by the way, is "Just Listen" by Sarah Dessen (fabbest author in the world).

Saturday, June 03, 2006

A Productive Day

So we went to Manchester with two main aims:
1) Find a birthday present for Amanda
2) Find Fopp

It is not easy buying birthday gifts for someone who you haven't properly spoken to for two years. I guess that's my defence for why we decided to make her a bear.
Now I've never been in bear factory, I've only seen kids walking around the Trafford Centre with the custom made bears, but I had an idea what it entailed. We picked the skin of a potential bear (a bunny, which both myself and Toni went for for an inexplicable reason), then you get it stuffed by a very sweet shop assistant. Once the bear is stuffed it needs a heart. You pick a heart and then warm it up in your hands and give it a kiss before it is placed inside your "new best friend". Once the bear is sewn up you get to accessorise. And the accessories range from cute to downright ridiculous. Even Toni, who had seemed very sceptical and had refused to kiss the heart, got excited. Our bunny ended up with purple wings and a tiara.




I think Toni had warmed to the idea by the end of the day and the whole thing certainly amused Ange who had been a little bit quiet on the train.

Of course, every trip to Manchester has to include a trip to the famous AFFLECKS PALACE. If I haven't mentioned it already, on my Eighteenth Birthday (a week on Friday!) I am getting my eyebrow pierced. This is something I've wanted for a really long time, but my parents pretty much forbade it until I came "of age". So here it is, my way of celebrating being an adult. I've done my homework and asked a couple of people (Jamie Swann, my philosophy tutor and Carter, future pro-skater) about what it's like. Today was the final preparation.

I walked into the piercings place on the second floor of Afflecks where a group of (fairly cute) cool guys with various piercings were hanging around the counter. The guy who I asked about it had a lip piercing and looked like he'd never even cried once in his entire life. So there it is, next friday I'm getting my eyebrow pierced.

Scared shitless? You bet I am.

Top 10 slang words/phrases for drugs:

1. Mary Jane - Marijuana

2. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds - LSD

3. Heaven and Hell - PCP

4. Nuggets - Crack

5. Northern Lights - Marijuana

6. Lucky Charms - Ecstacy

7. Satan's Secret - Glue

8. The Witch - Heroin

9. Rocket Fuel - PCP

10. Joy Powder - Heroin

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Final Access

I got some pretty good pictures of the last access and though they don't portray the fun that was our Tuesday dinner times, they're worth posting so I can look back and get all teary eyed. By the way, the dates on them are WRONG quite obviously. We can't figure out how to turn them off! Grr.


Krista and Jenny. Krista is, without a doubt, the happiest person I've ever met. And Jenny is my LFC homegirl, so she rules too!


Thomas Beal! Our access leader. He isn't wearing a hat, disappointingly. Ah well. He rocks.


Laura! Doesn't she look pretty? Just a warning, it's not a good idea to give her sugar. She may look innocent here, but add sugar and it's a totally different story.


Toni being crazy as usual. She was kinda high on cough syrup.


Some of the dudes chillin.


And finally my three fellow access leaders! This picture makes me think of the three wise men pointing at the star. Well, except for the wise part. And two of them aren't men.

I guess it isn't the same at all. Just three people pointing.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Time Is Running Out

I ONLY HAVE 4 MORE CLASSES IN COLLEGE. Yep, two today (Philosophy and English) then two tomorrow (History and Philosophy).
It's difficult to believe. I guess with everything that's been happening over the past couple of weeks with Ange's Dad and mock exams and The Argument, leaving has kinda been overshadowed. But here it is, as real as the nose on my face.

It feels weird, there's no denying it, but I'm kinda looking forward to it being over with and moving onto something new. Over the past few months college has become excruciating, like a waking dream with less possibilities.
Now I can get stuck into some hardcore revision on my own terms.

Top 10 things I'm gonna miss about college:

1. My mates
2. My classes
3. My crushes (not really plural, to be honest)
4. The bus in the morning
5. Playing cards at dinner time
6. Hanging in the computer room
7. Access
8. Interesting discussions in class
9. WIBLUR THE WORM
10. Being a fucking lazy student!

Sunday, May 14, 2006

FA Cup Final Day

Myself and my Father were discussing the romanticism of the FA cup. It's difficult to explain what separates the FA cup from, say, the carling cup or the Champions league. And we came to the conclusion that the FA cup is English through and through.

That might seem like an obvious statement, but if you are English yourself you realise that there is something more to being English merely than your nationality. It is something that we can't escape, no matter how far we travel or where we end up.

We are English. It's in our blood.

Not sure what's made me all patriotic all of a sudden. It's most likely post-hysteria from Liverpool winning the FA cup.

Top 10 reminders that you're English:

1. Complaining about the weather
2. Addiction to tea
3. Cynicism
4. Complaining. Period.
5. An incomprehensible need to tan
6. A love of fish and chips
7. Being tight with cash
8. Dunking biscuits
9. A very self-centred view of politics
10. Referring to Americans as 'yanks'

A stretch, I know. I reckon if you have around 4 or more there is a good chance you're English. I hate to break it to you.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Done

Lately I'm beginning to understand the satisfaction of things being done and finished. It seems like my every wish revolves around something being done.

Top 10 things I want to be done with:

1. My feelings for David
2. My sudden bout of illness
3. My latest fanfiction story
4. Today
5. My philosophy synoptic (actually, I just finished that)
6. My exams
7. College
8. My church. I want to go somewhere else.
9. My Grecian Garden collages
10. My book, 'Uglies' by Scott Westerfeld (very good, by the way)

But do I really want to be done with some of these things? I tell myself I do. Like college. In the morning when I wake up, I can't wait to be done with college. When I'm in History class I'm wishing my time here away. When I get stressed in class or when I'm on my own on the bus, I just wish college was over.

But when I'm hanging with Krista and Catherine and they're making me laugh, I wish I could stay like that forever. When I'm at access and we're goofing around I never want to leave. When we gamble for sweets, when me and Naomi have an argument, when I see David I just want college to go on and on into a long, stretching eternity.

And church. Can I really leave that place? I know in my heart that there's something wrong with the place, talking to Krista only confirmed that. But I still love it. I still love the people and the memories it holds. Do I have the strength to start over somewhere else? Don't I owe that place something?

And David. I want so badly not to feel this way. But I obviously don't want it enough to stop thinking about him. And people are wrong, it is something you can switch on and off. It's just difficult to flick the switch.

See, done is a much more complex concept than it initially appears to be. Like when you tell yourself you're over someone, but you see them and suddenly it's just as it was. The hard part isn't ending it, but being sure that you have ended it.

So, is it really done?

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

May Day

May Day holds a special place in my heart. If I haven't explained already, May Day has slowly developed into a day of tradition for me. The Tradition of watching Dawsons Creek in disgustingly comfortable clothes. It is quite heavenly.

I was enjoying my May Day, happily yelling at Dawson Leery and cooing at all the romantic bits... when a thought barracaded it's way into my head. The thought of History coursework.

However, I quickly dismissed this and got back to the sacred viewing. All too soon though, I had begun to panic about missing Psychology class on Friday and was wondering if I had fallen behind. This thought was not so easy to dispel, but I managed, after a struggle, and returned to Dawson and Joey.

I think we can all see where this is leading. Needless to say, May Day, one of my favourite days of the year, was tarnished by thoughts of college work and inevitably a certain increasingly distracting boy. And will this only continue through life? Is this the price I pay for seeking higher education? That I will never be able to watch classic teen drama without distraction?!

I am distraught.

Top 10 things to do in order to cheer yourself up the Tuesday after a relaxing bank holiday monday:

1. Eat a banana, they're good for you and will supply you with energy in bucketloads
2. Listen to good music
3. Have a good cleansing shower
4. Blog
5. Check your emails (a day without checking them will mean that they have probably PILED up!)
6. Write fanfiction to cheer up the masses!
7. Have a bitch about someone. I guarantee you'll feel great.
8. Have a bitch about Tom Beal. I give you permission.
9. Read other people's blogs. They will be experiencing the same melancholy as you in different degrees
10. Take a deep breath, rejoice in the day and the fact that you are alive (not seriously.)

Thursday, April 27, 2006

On The Edge

I'm so nervous. I could be discovered any minute. If you could see through the screen where I am right now you would see:
Me. I am wearing a beret.
And David (who just walked past casting me a suspicious look).

And no wonder it was suspicious. Maybe his ears were burning.

Sometimes when I'm in class I sit there wondering what people would do if they could hear my thoughts. How awful would that be? Or maybe it would be better that way. Vic said to me the other week that she wished everyone would say what they meant or what they thought. I argued that would be awful since I have often been accused of hurting people's feelings by being too honest. But she said people wouldn't get hurt because they'd be used to it by then. Rejection would be just another daily ritual.

Maybe she had a point.

If people could hear my thoughts they would know that:

1. I'm thinking way too much about David
2. I don't like Toni's blue and pink top. It's gross.
3. I wish I could lose some weight
4. I don't like Chris. He freaks me out, a lot.
5. I am pleased that my History teacher is sick today
6. I have no idea what G.E. Moore's stance on ethics is
7. Luis Garcia should never have gotten a red card last night
8. The highlight of this week for me is posting more damn good fan-fiction
9. I am the worst procrastinator in the world.
10. I'm scared that I don't love music enough. Whatever that means.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

My Easter Holidays

I forgot to mention my easter holidays. PHOTO BLOG, WOOT!


This is a portion of our Christian Union (Access) that I went out with.

Everyone looks a little shell shocked here. End of a long day I guess.


Toni got sick on the way home and fell asleep.


Vic chillin. Spent a lot of time over at hers over Easter.

I MIGHT HAVE A JOB AT MANCHESTER UNIVERSITY OVER THE SUMMER. Sweet huh?

Monday, April 24, 2006

Wonderland

She has destroyed me. There's no use denying it, I am destroyed, broken.

Unsatisfied.

Have you ever read a book that was so incredibly, fantastically wonderful that it makes reality seem like, well... a shit deal? I'm sitting in a stiflingly warm computer suite with a big pile of work to get through and my MP3, Kitten, playing great music, but it just isn't enough.

Maybe this will wear off in a few days.

Maybe that explains why I was so nervous about reading the book.

It's like drug addicts, they're not scared of the drugs themselves, but afraid of the world they'll return to without them.

Top 10 covers:

1. 'Feeling Good' - Muse
2. 'Where is my Mind?' - Placebo
3. 'Killing Moon' - Pavement
4. 'Immigrant Song' - Incubus
5. 'Ain't No Sunshine' - Hanson
6. 'Creep' - InMe
7. 'Take on me' - A1 (a classic)
8. 'I Fought The Law' - Bryan Adams
9. 'Michael' - Franz Ferdinand
10. 'Time Of Your Life' - Greenday

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Forever and a Day

My posts have been few and far between. Right now I am stuck in a house of people suffering from bad backs and therefore all being very grouchy. It is for this reason that I can't wait for next week when I can escape this madhouse. Granted, it will be in order for me to go to work, but at least people are more cheerful there.

I myself have been having quite an eventful time of late. The biggest news being that my greatest compadre Vic finished with Danny. I can't help but be slightly upset over this since I liked Danny, but it was pretty much inevitable with them going their separate ways in September.

BETTER NEWS: We got our Leeds festival tickets. Yep, Mrs. Maiden stayed up until midnight to secure them for us and we will have to go on a coach a day early even though we're not camping BUT WHO CARES COS WE ARE GOING TO LEEDS WOO!

The line-up is, in a word, awesome! We're hoping to have some of our mates comes down for a day and visit us. It's gonna be truly awesome!!!

The 10 bands I successfully predicted would be on the Leeds prelim line-up:

1. Placebo (:P to you Cal!)
2. The Kooks
3. Panic! At the Disco
4. Yeah Yeah Yeahs
5. Arctic Monkeys
6. Franz Ferdinand
7. Kaiser Chiefs (ick!)
8. The Raconteurs
9. The Streets
10. Feeder

Monday, April 03, 2006

Drag

You’re always ahead of the game
I drag behind

I see you suceeding in everything and it brings a smile to my lips. I only wish I could suceed for you.

You never get caught in the rain
When I’m drenched to the bone every time

Always first into class whilst I stumble in late every time.

You’re always ahead of the pack
I drag behind

Too cool and composed to every embarass yourself. I myself prefer to be a gibbering mess of jangling nerves.

You’re the monkey I’ve got on my back
That tells me to shine

You're the one I'm fighting for. The reason I push myself just a little bit harder.

You’re always ahead of the rest
When I’m always on time
You got As on your algebra tests
I failed and they kept me behind

My genius, my rival, my inspiration.

I just gotta get off my chest
That I think you’re divine

Really. I do.

Top 10 reasons to love Spring time:

1. New beginnings and fresh starts
2. The luxurious spring sun, not too hot, not too cool
3. That warm feeling when you wake up every morning
4. Unpredictable showers
5. Blue skies and fluffy clouds
6. Summer is coming
7. Pre-Leeds euphoria begins!
8. Lambs and baby chicks
9. Easter
10. NO MORE COATS, SCARVES AND GLOVES

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

To Be Pure

Purity. What is it? Why can no one achieve it?

The search for beauty is what I feel I am devoted to, but purity intrigues me also. I want to be pure again, to be good again. I have gone back to the way I used to be again, in case I had forgotten how much it sucks. And now I want to be good once more. Is it possible?

I have damaged myself, that is irreparable. But that doesn't mean I can't be good again. Right?

Top 10 missed genius's:

1. Nick Drake
2. Shannon Hoon
3. Malcolm X
4. Plato
5. Wordsworth
6. Dickens
7. B.F. Skinner
8. Claude Monet
9. Bob Paisley
10. Freddie Mercury

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Who would...?

Sometimes when you witness the unbelievable dickheads that populate the earth, your faith in men plummets. It's sad really. Take for instance, these two 'hypothetical' guys. Both are rating girls and picking their arses. Honestly, like what self respecting girl would honestly sleep with one of these guys? You'd have to be FUCKING BRAINDEAD.

I don't understand the world.

Top 10 reasons to keep men on the planet:

1. Most obviously, who would entertain us with football (women's football is dull. Really dull.)
2. To continue the population
3. To critiscise women's driving
4. To make life unpredictable and unpleasant
5. To go fishing (my boss claims there is only one thing girls shouldn't do and that is go fishing)
6. To kill moths
7. To entertain us with their crazy antics on Jackass
8. To be cute
9. To give women a broader perspective
10. To remind women how LUCKY we are to have more than one dimension thought wise

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Guilt

I am currently consumed with guilt. And why is this? I guess it started when Toni decided she wanted to go to Leeds Uni and I decided that no way was that going to happen and so called upon my influence, persuasive and annoying powers and gradually convinced her that Manchester Uni was most definitely the place for her.

And yesterday afternoon after she'd accompanied me to Manchester on an open day, I had her convinced.

However, this dream was abruptly ended when she returned home to discover her application to Manchester was unsucessful.

Now she is crushed. Toni is not used to the experience of rejection and such a blow might have irreparable consequences. Which will be entirely my fault since she didn't even want to go to Manchester before I opened my mouth.

Which does show that Toni is incredibly fickle, but it is still my fault. Lesson learned, don't meddle with Toni's desires anymore.

Top 10 Philosophers:

1. Plato (the founding Father of Philosophy)
2. Ryle (mainly because he pissed everyone off)
3. Aristotle
4. Kant (despite the fact he was so rigidly Catholic)
5. Berkeley (God is watching the bath fill)
6. Russell
7. Ayer (I hope)
8. Wittgenstein (Mike's influence of course)
9. Socrates (why do you think that? Huh? HUH?)
10. Descartes (hey, he started off pretty well)

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Eat Angst, Sleep Angst, Drink Coca Cola

I could really go for a Miller Highlight right now. Or something to distract me. Strange, since distraction and procrastination are my own personal artform.
I think I'm a little depressed. Toni has reccomended this SUPER depressing book to me. I won't mention the title, I don't want to be seen to be recommending it. Weirdly enough, I liked it at first. But now it's awful. And I've still another 400 pages to go. Weirdly enough, EVERYONE who has seen me reading it has told me how good it is and how I HAVE TO finish it soon so we can talk about it. So now I have no option.
Still, I've forced her to read 'Valiant' by Holly Black (fabulous book) and she's probably thinking the same.

Top 1o books (I warn thee, mostly YA):

1. Last Chance by SARAH DESSEN
2. Valiant by HOLLY BLACK
3. Feeling Sorry For Celia by JACKLYN MORIARTY
4. Bloomability by SHARON CREECH
5. Sabriel by GARTH NIX
6. Speak by LAURIE HALSE ANDERSON
7. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by JK ROWLING
8. Star Girl by JERRY SPINELLI
9. Girl with a Pearl Earring by TRACY CHEVALIER
10. Truth About Forever by SARAH DESSEN

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Mars Bar = Depression Chocolate

I just ate an entire Mars Bar at break. It was very... sweet. I think maybe Mars Bars are the typical depression chocolate of choice since they come close to filling a hole in your mood.

Close.

Ick, scrap that. I'm in a GOOD mood. I had tons of fun at work last night, I really like the work in Philosophy at the moment and tomorrow I'm going to the greatest University in existence.

Happy happy, joy joy.

Top 10 reasons to write a blog:

1. To moan about the one you love
2. To pass some valuable time
3. To record your dreams
4. To keep track of your hectic social life
5. To release words that must never be spoken
6. To bitch about people you don't like (Roy)
7. To brag about your fabulous life
8. To post gig reviews
9. So dear friends in other countries can read about what you've been up to
10. To post random top 10s

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Instant Replay Society

Dear Miss Ellison,
We would be happy to replay what you heard in English yesterday. Take a seat, relax, we will confirm your suspicions! After all, replaying is our function, our raison dentre!

Okay, here goes:
D: Maybe she's just hot
C: Keep your sick fantasies to yourself

Did you get that? Was that what you thought you heard? We can replay in all languages, you know. Maybe you'd like it in French? Norwegian? Or possibly you'd like to hear it just one more time? Yes? Not a problem.

D: Maybe she's just hot
C: Keep your sick fantasies to yourself


You look a little pale, Miss Ellison. No, I can assure you we haven't made a mistake. That is exactly what was said. The implications of such words, I'm sure you understand, are beyond us. We simply replay. We have no skills to analyse these statements. Maybe you do.

Best regards,
The Instant Replay Society

In the hopes that you will use our service again, here is a list of our top ten most popular methods of replay:

1. In text message form - 'U murded my Muva!'
2. Backwards - 'Mother my murdered you!'
3. Gangsta - 'You offed my mother, son of a bitch!'
4. 3D - 'You murdered my mother'
5. In pink - 'You murdered my mother'
6. With pictures! - 'You murdered my mother' (Due to legal reasons we are unable to include a picture with this example, but rest assured the actual service is 100% reliable)
7. With stage directions - (Speaker clenches fists and reaches out for the kitchen knife): You murdered my mother!
8. Fast - 'Youmurderedmymother!'
9. In memo form - 'Todays news: His mother has been murdered by his best friend!'
10. In telegraph form - 'Mother murdered'

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Grecian Garden

The idea came to me in a dream. Really. It happened a while ago. I dreamt that I was in a band, on the keyboards. Cal was on the drums, Zoe was the bassist, James was the guitarist and nazi Johnny out of my philosophy class was the lead singer. The dream was so vivid. And if you have any kind of imagination, you have to take these things as a sign.

A sign for what? Well, there can only be one sign for me. The sign that I have to write.

As a writer, you have instincts about things. I know that the story of Grecian Garden (that's my band name. No idea why) is special, not something to be rushed. And so I have my own little GG notebook and when an idea occurs to me, I scribble it down in there.

And it's like the characters are real to me, like people I know. Not just because they're based on people I do know, but because each one has carved out their own personality. They're mine and I get to decide what they like and dislike, what irks them and what pleases them.

So I can be sitting in class sometimes, but I'm not really there. I'm not in English, silently revelling in the presence of David on one side of me and hearing Ruth chatter away on my other. I'm not copying down my tutor's notes from the board. I'm not smiling pleasantly at Chris when he asks me how I am for the millionth time.

Nope.

I'm watching Grecian Garden audition for a new bassist (Zoe), or play their first gig at Reuben's Grotto, or fall in love at Leeds festival.

The power of imagination sometimes takes my breath away.

Top 10 places for my imagination to take me away to:

1. America. Anywhere in America because Americann culture fascinates me
2. A hotel balcony in Amsterdam, the faint smell of marijuana on the breeze, watching the world go by as the clock sings out...
3. Sat in the cold, dark car park of the stadium with Atticus, my Sabian Prince
4. A brat camp in Colorado
5. A treetop overlooking Oslo
6. The Trans-Siberian Railway
7. A field full of dandelions in the fading English Summer Sun
8. Dancing across the clouds in the sky
9. Curled up outside as the rain pelts down in sheets
10. Lying back in the grass at Leed's festival

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Half Term

It is my opinion that a half term is as good or as bad as you make it. Obvious pro, lie ins at least four days out of the nine. I had a truly sumptuous lie in yesterday.

My half term is pretty average considering I have no cash. Play a lot of Fire Emblem, write a couple of one-shots, work some shifts for well needed pay and check out Chandos Hall. It's raining outside, so it's not like there's anything to go out for.

Unless you would like to get wet. In that case, go ahead.

Top 10 things to do during a cashless half term:
1. Invite everyone over for a Goldeneye marathon!
2. Ditto for a DVD marathon
3. Play any games you can get your hands on
4. Write some new stuff
5. Tidy out room
6. Learn to make lasagne
7. Watch bad TV / friends or buffy vids
8. Work
9. Busk
10. Go internet shopping!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Pictures

After recently being told that films go 'off' if you leave them for too long I have decided to get all my pictures developed (finally). It's actually quite exciting, cos I'm not sure what's on any of them! The first three films turned out to be pictures from InMe gig in july, Ok Go gig in December and Vicky's sixteenth birthday.

I opened the first batch to see, yes, A PICTURE OF MOI WITH DAMIAN KULASH!

















Then some EXCELLENT PICS OF OK GO!





































And InMe!











And us fools at the party!















I love pictures!!!

Monday, February 13, 2006

48 minutes 5 seconds

I've just spent 48 minutes and 5 seconds on the phone to the person I used to confide almost everything in. I say almost everything. No one knows everything. And that's the truth about everyone.

You know what this 48 minutes 5 seconds made me realise? I can no longer talk to Toni. Because she is as receptive as a brick wall. And who can blame her? She's gotta listen to Catherine's problems at home, Jen's problems in general and the problems of probably every other adolescent female in church. I guess it just might be nice to talk to her again. Like we used to. I'd spend hours on the phone to her almost every night and we talked about everything.

And now it seems like there's no one I can do that with. Cal's great, but he's a guy and that therefore limits the things we can talk about. Vic is at that phase in her life where she needs me to listen to everything. Which I don't mind. Vic has always been there for me. My Mother is obsessed with shoving the holy spirit down my throat before I go to Uni. Who does that leave? I'm just not close enough to anyone else. Lately I find myself turning to my friend Naomi when I need to spill something.

Naomi is a godsend, I swear. But soon she'll go off to Uni and we'll probably lose touch.

What makes all this suck is that I can blame no one but myself for losing Toni. And don't get me wrong, I really am happy for her. She has this awesome life that she loves and a stronger relationship with her family.

But when I think back to the day I invited her to church, I wonder if I'd take it back if I could. Because not only did that day change her, but it changed me.
And not necessarily for the better.

Top 10 alternative words for colours:

1. Magenta
2. Crimson
3. Azure
4. Apricot
5. Chocolate
6. Cappucino
7. Emerald
8. Jade
9. Golden
10. Egg-shell

Friday, February 10, 2006

Norman Fireside Chats

(It felt like they were sitting beside a fire, the air was so warm and polluted with smog and ash. They were in fact sat in a grassy meadow, awaiting a magical moving castle)
Norman: Why are you so fidgety?
Karen: I'm frustratingly bored. No offence.
Norman: You're lying to me. What is it?
Karen: Well, I'm frustrated. That's the truth. I saw him yesterday. I didn't think I'd ever see him again and then there he was, bold and real. Real.
Norman: Real. Did he look well?
Karen: Even more so than before.
Norman: How interesting. This really stirs things up. I might stick around, Karen. Your life sure is getting interesting.
Karen: Glad to entertain.
Norman: How about David? Where does he fit into this grand scheme of things?
Karen: He doesn't. I'd rather he wasn't sucked into this fucked up world of my psyche. He's too precious to disturb.
Norman: Oh, but I'm allowed to be damaged.
Karen: Well, you're fucked up too. That's why I like you so much.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Beauty

It's something that fascinates me. Like Plato, I'm trying to define it. A difficult task. What is beauty? It's such an enigma.

I'm beginning to think that what makes people beautiful is being different, standing out. Being thin with good skin and nice hair is pretty easy to achieve. Go on a diet, drink tons of water and pay a fortune. But being different is something that comes from the inside. Different people just catch my eye more than the conventionally 'beautiful'. In college every day I am passed by girls and guys that would be considered pretty in our society, but it isn't them that I look at.

Top 10 beutiful things I can think of off the top of my head:

1. Rain and the way it dances
2. A new CD
3. Burning sugar
4. A genuine smile
5. Fluffy white clouds
6. Crisp white paper
7. TREES
8. The smell of chlorine
9. Trains
10. Moshpits

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Kitten and General Foolishness

I am a fool. I have let what once had massive potential to peter into nothingness. Well, not nothingness. Rather sitting pretending there pretending not to acknowledge one another but reading each others... work.

Pathetic. Say something Karen. Speak to David.

Why is it so hard? Why am I so distracted? I already have what would be recognised as the foundations of a relationship with Cal. Why am I doing this to myself?

When I write like this I realise I am one angsty teenager. I'm sorry. More interesting things to say, I'm sure.

My replacement MP3 has arrived. Though I am glad about this, it has not warmed me to Creative who I'm still pissed with.
But the player is great. I've named her Kitten after Patrick 'St Kitten' Braden.

Top 10 things that are obvious to me at the moment:

1. Camp Gay people are so sweet
2. E-bay is a great place to kill some time
3. Vimto rocks way harder than Ribena
4. Lunch is always too far away
5. Bad hair can ruin your entire day (if you let it)
6. It's always more sensible to listen to music rather than people
7. Plato rules
8. There is a student consensus of opinions
9. Boys are a royal pain in the ass
10. Chicken is nice