Friday, December 30, 2005

Apple Pie on a Blanket in the Dark

You know lately I've been worrying about Uni. Now I've got my offer from Manchester I have to come to terms with the fact that from September 2006 I will be at University. But I'm not taking it lying down. I've been talking to Cal who has been advising me since he's already at Uni. We got together and compiled three lists:

1. Things to buy before Uni
2. Books to read before Uni
3. Goals to achieve before Uni

I'm so glad I have my nice big slab of apple pie with me right now. Oh hell, I can't believe it's only half eight.

Anyway, I'm not gonna do a Bridget Jones and make New Years Resolutions that I know will never happen. Instead I'm setting myself realistic goals for Uni. I have this incredible chance to really turn my life around at Uni and it's about time I start preparing.

Crimbo was okay.

Cal insisted that he liked his present. I wasn't wholly convinced, but I'm a cynic.

Top 10 searches on Google in 2005:

1. Janet Jackson (surely if you've seen one picture of Janet Jackson's nipple you've seen 'em all?)
2. Hurricane Katrina
3. Tsunami (look up Global Warming while you're at it)
4. X-Box 360
5. Brad Pitt (well at least dumping Jen got him something)
6. Michael Jackson (only number 6?!?)
7. American Idol
8. Britney Spears (just when you hoped she'd fucked off somewhere remote)
9. Angelina Jolie (you're no Jennifer!)
10. Harry Potter (deservedly)


I meant to post this a couple of days ago. I wrote it when I couldn't get online -

It’s nearly 5 am. I’m not tired. I’m listening to music in only my right ear. Stupid headphones.

You will be my song. I swear, I will sort this out in 2006. I’ll work and go to Manchester Uni. I’ll grow up. I’ll do something to keep from hating me. I’ll change. I have to.

Top 10 apologies:

1. Mum – What I do would hurt you if you knew. I work to keep you blissfully ignorant.
2. Vicky – You’re so beautiful that sometimes I don’t recognize you. I’m sorry for the times I take you for granted.
3. Toni – You deserve everything the world has to offer. Sometimes I feel you are so far away and sometimes you’re right there next to me. I’m sorry I can’t share myself with you when you share so much with me.
4. Serena – I often think of you when I’m angry with myself. I don’t know you, but subconsciously I admired you for a long time. Maybe that’s why I took everything so personally. I think so. I hope not.
5. Cal – You believed for me. I swear I’m trying to believe myself.
6. Sarah – You are my teacher, my guide. I hope more than anything to prove myself to you.
7. Catherine – It’s your life. I should allow you that.
8. Malcolm – Don’t take the easy route. Words are so easy to say.
9. Jake – You instilled inme the greatest gift. You captured me awestruck with the incredible life you led. What happened?
10. Karen – You see the world differently than others. You hope, you hurt, you hunger, you hate. And I make you. Please, turn those all seeing eyes upon yourself.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Bloody History, Crimbo Presents and Sharing

Bloody History

There are many things I dislike about History. My tutor. Most of the people in my class. The fact that no matter how hard I try my tutor seems incapable of giving me a good grade.

However, a number of possibly psychotic examiners have informed me that I am quite gifted in the subject, despite what Dave Taylor seems to think.

What's that all about?

Crimbo Presents

I gave out Christmas presents today. As usual this event was met with much fake enthusiasm and true disappointment.
However, this year, unlike all previous years, I felt hopeful that I had purchased thoughtful gifts that would be liked. Just shows how advertising is becoming increasingly persuasive and deceitful. I was most certainly convinced. Well, until this morning.

I'll just hope I have more success tomorrow with Cal. And then with my family and Vicky on Christmas day.

Too Much Sharing

I didn't want to mention it, but this blog was discovered (for want of a better word) by a close friend last night. Which makes me wonder if I should move it, or possibly tone down what I say. Of course, she found it quite harrowing to discover my intense hatred of Roy and my excessive use of 'fuck' when I am writing.

In other words, she was slightly perturbed when she discovered what I am really like. My true feelings and reactions to people and situations.

However, I can't bring myself to move this blog or write anything but the truth. I need this space to keep a clear definition of who I truly am. Because sometimes, I can't remember.

Top 10 Christmas presents I would like to receive:

1. Dave McPherson (maybe wearing a large bow.) (It'd have to be large.)
2. Telepathy (that I could control, of course)
3. Telekinesis
4. All of Brendan Bensons' albums
5. For Reuben to make a new album
6. InMe tickets
7. A new MP3 player
8. For Grecian Garden to become a best seller
9. World Peace
10. For Cal to like his Christmas Gift

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

The Types of Weird

It started out as Catherine's friend from IT sending me weird pictures to now sending me what could possibly be considered soft porn. Or could at least get me locked out of my college account. Er, leave me alone you weirdo.

See, there are two types of weird. There's cute weird. The weird that just suits people. Quirky, odd, unpredictable, amusing.

And then there's the STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME kind of weird. Stalkerish, frightening, gross, annoying.
I wish people would understand the true meaning of weird and know when they have crossed the line from "they're weird but I love 'em" to "they're weird and I don't like to be associated with them". C'mon people. It's not hard to see the signs.

Top 10 'cute' weird people I know:

1. Krista - She's so sweet.
2. Cal - Sometimes I think he's this total introvert. Then he'll start shaking his booty in Afflecks singing 'Don't ya wish ya girlfriend was a whore like me.'
3. Toni - Nuff said.
4. Oliver - These tinned peaches are nice
5. Kirsty - She should really be number 1. I don't think anyone can make me laugh as much as Kirst.
6. Cathcart - Her hypochondria used to annoy some of our friends, but most of the time it's downright amusing
7. Mike! - Giggling, odd noises, strange accents and killer stories. Mike is probably the definition of 'cute' weird
8. Tony - It's very funny when he gets angry
9. Tom Beal - His funny hats alone are reason enough.
10. Kyle - Dancing.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk

I went watching Rufus Wainright on Sunday. I'd known the night itself would be pretty awkward. It's weird enough spending time with Kyle and Toni (the proverbial couple in love) but add Mark to the mix and things just get even weirder.

Urlgh. Just thinking about it. Oh the shame. Like Rufus, I always seem to want the things that are bad for me.

See, the thing that I quickly came to discover was that Mark is an awful lot like me. The things he says, the expressions he pulls and his reactions to things are sometimes identical to mine own. It's quite odd. I never really know what to say to him. So often I just revert to shy mode, silent mode or dumbass mode. Infuriating, truly.

So anyway, we made it to the Guild Hall and took our seats while the Guilemots were on. The Guilemots were pretty awesome and the lead singer did this song completely on his own with one hand playing a little keyboard while he sung without a mike. How gutsy is that?

Anyway, Rufus was incredible. I'm not used to seated concerts. I'm generally used to being in a big sweaty pit. It was quite a luxury, sitting down during a show. I had the same great view all night long and my legs weren't killing me afterwards.

Rufus' music is quite odd. Half his songs are FANTASTIC but the other half are sorta dull and all sound the same. The band were just as perfect as Rusty had described. They didn't miss one beat. Rufus s quite the showman. He told us stories (in his very camp sexy, throaty canadian (?) voice) about a Scottish Spa they'd been to and his trip to Blackpool that day. The crowd warmed to him instantly and even when he messed up during a song they'd applaud and cheer like crazy.

Anyway, at the end of the show Rufus and the band all came on in white robes. They did a very Ok Go-esque dance (which a snapped many pictures of) and then Rufus took off his white robe to reveal a blue one underneath. It was then I kinda freaked out cos I saw a couple of the crew dressed in Roman Guard uniforms holding this white cross. They brought the cross on stage, tied Rufus to it, placed a crown of thorns on his head and applied lipstick to his mouth and he proceeded to sing the next song whilst tied to this cross. Very... weird. But cool nonetheless.

See, that didn't annoy me. The part that did was the fact that Kyle had told me ages ago that he didn't listen to music with any swearing or anti-christian messages and, well, HELLO? Rufus Wainwright both swears AND sings songs about homosexuality and sex. I kinda felt that Kyle was being very hypocritical.

It's like if I made the decision to listen to music with no swearing, then still listened to InMe. Well, that would mean that I hadn't really made a decision at all. Right?

Grrr. I guess I'm just sensitive when it comes to music.

Top 10 things that are bad for me (and yet I still cannot resist them):
1. Teeny Bopper films
2. Cal Weston
3. Crisps
4. Books by Meg Cabot
5. Fire Emblem
6. Gingerbread Worms
7. Tea
8. Stupid Websites
9. Days off College
10. Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk

Wednesday, December 07, 2005


Okay, so I'm in History last week and my tutor hands out this blank map of europe when we walk in. He tells us he thinks it would be a good idea for us to have some geographical knowledge of Italy and it's neighbours. So we have to label as many countries as possible.
So, I quickly label the obvious ones, Spain, France, Italy, UK and Germany. Then it gets a little tricky, so Scott and I team up.
He starts pointing at various pieces of land.
"Yeah, well that's obviously Denmark."
"And those are the Netherlands, though I'm not sure which is Sweden."
Oh, right. Sure.
Me: "So where would like Japan and China be?"
Scott at this point looks up and gives me a sympathetic look. "That's the middle east."
I'm now obviously a geography retard. But the humiliation hasn't ended yet.
"Oh, now that must be Poland," Scott says, triumphantly.
"Oh? I thought that was Africa."
It just so happened that at this point the class had gone really quiet. So yes, everyone heard me announce that I thought Africa was not only in Europe but the size of Poland.
And they all found it HIGHLY amusing.

Monday, December 05, 2005

I hate...

... a lot of things. Generally, if I don't like something I will dismiss it by hating it. I'm an extremist. I have little room for dislike. There is only hate. I don't deny it and I don't wish I was less judgemental.

So today I discovered something. I hate Roy.

I also hate Oasis who are on the radio right now. Excuse me whilst I hasten to turn them off.

So, I hate Roy. Of course this might pose a small problem as everyone else seems to adore him. But he bugs me. A lot. And not because of his bluntness, but more because of the way he seems to make me feel so fucking unwelcome. Which has to be intentional.

It used to bother me that I hate things so easily. But screw that, it's how I am and I like being this way.

Top 10 things I hate:

1. Chavs
2. Ignorance
3. Stupidity
4. Noise masquerading as music
5. Animal cruelty
6. Chelsea
7. Dole scum
8. Politics students (not all of them, just the tres irritating ones)
9. Roy (though that's probably just in the heat of the moment)
10. Jane Austen (or at least her novels)