Wednesday, November 30, 2005


I was in my room tonight when this memory came to me. It was when I was fourteen and I went to the American Theme Park with my school. I was sorta dreading it. I've never been a lover of rides, but everyone was going so... along I went (such a conformist back then!)

I was all dressed up in my 'cool clothes' because I knew that a certain someone was going. The boy I had been infatuated with for 3 years by then. Yes, Stephen Davey (makes me cringe just writing it).

The day was roasting and I ended up getting stuck with Cathcart (a lovable hypachondriac) and Sharon (royal pain in the ass). I was annoyed, to say the least, because my other friends were chasing boys. Namely, Stephen's friends.

There came a point in the day when my friends jumped into one of those log flume carts with a couple of his friends. I remember praying silently that he wouldn't follow them. I felt as if it might break my heart if he got in that stupid cart with my giggling friends.

He rolled his eyes at them and caught up with another guy. They went on the Pirate Ship and my heart was spared.

Well, until my friend dragged me on the Pirate Ship. I sat oppositefrom him, swinging higher and higher, my stomach rising and plummeting. And as I stole a glance across at him I didn't think I would ever be so happy.

Sometimes I miss that feeling of teenage love. Still, I wouldn't take it back for the world. All that shame and embarrassment. ICK!

Top 10 television shows that have ever existed:
2. Friends (well, up until around season 6)
3. Six Feet Under
4. Never Mind The Buzzcocks
5. Whose Line Is It Anyway
6. Red Dwarf
7. Frasier
8. The Queen's Nose
9. Lizzie McGuire (yep. it rules. I don't care if it's shaming.)
10. Anything with Jamie Oliver

Monday, November 28, 2005


I miss my darling Julian so much. I can't believe I ever lived without him and it pains me that I am forced to now.
Julian is my MP3 player by the way, I'm not just mooning over another boy.
I can't believe I've even brought myself to look for a replacement.

And now I re-read what I've just wrote and realise that my life is, in fact, pathetic.
I need Julian back desperately.
Every time I see him lying there on my shelf it upsets me.

Top 10 inventions I would suffer if I had to live without:

1. MP3 players (JULIAN!!!)
2. Word Processors
3. Any nintendo creation
4. The wheel (duh)
5. Microwaves
6. Chip and pin
7. Cameras
9. The internet
10. Emulators

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Blue Eyes

It's 3 in the morning and I've been working all weekend. Not fun. But I also went to London this week. Fun.

I am now in love with Trent Ford and glad to find that (for once) I am not the only one STUNNED by his incredible good looks. He is like a greek god. With the most hypnotising blue eyes. BREATH-TAKING.

Top 10 reasons for me to start writing with discipline:

1. I'm talented. I'm almost sure of that, I just lack the self-discipline.
2. My dream is to get people as excited about stories and books as the authors I idolise have
3. I have all these characters, each one special to me, and they each deserve to have their story completed.
4. One day I want Sarah Dessen to read one of my books
5. Writing is most likely a better use of my time than the other things I do
6. I can't really be a writer if I'm not producing anything
7. I'm always quick to moan that there aren't enough good writers
8. I want to be extraordinary, and this talent might be my only ticket
9. I need to leave a legacy
10. One person can change the world

Thursday, November 17, 2005


Hello. I've waited here for you. Everlong.

I'm always waiting it seems.

Come down. And waste away with me. Down with me.

Why can't it be like that? Why must there be such complication?

If anything could ever be this good again.

No. My life will never feel so bittersweet ever again.
Because you are gone. And you will not come back to me. I will never have the second chance that I pleaded for.
So I will relive that first chance over and over, hating myself and loving you.

Top 10 scary thoughts:
1. That I will end up alone
2. That I will not be extraordinary one day
3. That my procrastination will keep me from having the things I want so badly
4. That I will be this way forever
5. That I won't get into Uni
6. That InMe will split up
7. That I am slipping away
8. That Reuben will one day stop making the music that comforts me so deeply
9. That I am not talented
10. That you are gone. Lost forever, never to return.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005


There are some times in my life when I need InMe. They are like this medication for me. This summer when I was depressed all the time, 'White Butterfly' was like a life support, I clung to it and the thought of the gig in July. Sometimes, when I listen to them and close my eyes it's like I can almost feel gentle arms wrapped around me.
I mean, music has always been my comfort, my friend, my one true love.

But InMe are like a blood transfusion, they make me feel as though life, pure life is coursing through my veins, warm and wonderful. And that is pretty much why I love them.

Recently I'm addicted to Brendan Benson, his songs make me think of Cal. A lot.

Oh yeah, I'm going to London next week. In fact, this time next week I'll probably be asleep in a hotel room in LONDON!

Top 10 fruits:
1. Cherries
2. Apples
3. Pommegranites
4. Pears
5. Nectarines
6. Green Grapes
7. Watermelon
8. Mango
9. Star fruit
10. Guava

Friday, November 11, 2005


There are a lot of times when I just want to scream and swear. I remember starting to swear when I was in my first year. Everyone at High School swore constantly, within a month you were swearing with the best of them. And so was I.

Then there was this one night when Vic (my best mate) came over to my house and we were playing board games in the living room where Mum was doing something. Then suddenly it was like Vic and Mum were both talking at me at the same time and it was stressing me out. So I cracked and just screamed, "FUCKING SHUT UP!"

My Mum exploded! And I stopped saying Fuck right then and there.

But there are times, like when my Dad's being a total hypocrite, that I just wanna scream it all over again. So I do. In my head. And sometimes it makes me feel better.

Top 10 drinks:

1. Tea
2. Apple Juice
3. Sprite (Obey your thirst)
4. Cherry Coke
5. Cheeky Vimto
6. Water from my bathroom tap
7. Cherry 7-Up
8. Rio
9. Diet Coke
10. Strawberry frap

Tuesday, November 08, 2005


Access (mine and my friends version of Christian Union) is booming. Well, not booming necessarily, but it's good. I like to see how pleased Thom is every week at how many people there are. I know he was discouraged last year and it hurt me how sad he looked every week, but now he's smiling all the time. It's really awesome.

I spoke this week. I think I did okay. People laughed anyway. At my jokes, not at me.
And we went crazy with party poppers. Funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

I'd had this hellish weekend of work, but today has been oddly good. I could have gone home this afternoon too, but here I am, in the flesh. I'll get home one hour (and one cramped bus) earlier.

And I think I might be going to London which is also pretty exciting.

So I'm covered in zits with bushy eyebrows, stomach cramps, wild hair, flushed cheeks and flithy wet jeans, but I'm managing a smile.
God works in mysterious ways.

Top 10 reasons why I should be allowed to dye my hair and get my ears plugged:

1. It will help me establish my individuality
2. It will give me a wasteful outlet for my money
3. It will grant me a higher threshold of pain
4. It will make Dave McPherson (or at least James) fall in love with me
5. It will gross people out (the ears will anyway, I don't know about the hair)
6. It'll look cool for London
7. It will annoy some of my friends
8. It will delight the rest of my friends
9. It will make me happy