Thursday, September 22, 2005

Let Me LEAVE

I got asked out. Oh goddesses. I did.

By Chris. The guy out of my English class.
To put it lightly it was... Embarrassing.

And now I have to learn how to let a boy down lightly. I mean, I've never had to say 'no' before. See...

A History of My Tragically Pathetic Love Life

Josh - Asked me out when I was fourteen. We continued to date on and off for a couple of years. Puppy love.
Carter - Sort of a rebound. Hmm, way too complicated to explain.
Stephen - Was infatuated with him for four years, but NOTHING ever happened. I mean, duh, he had no idea I was so crazy about him.
Cal - My summer fling. Secret summer fling, as in Cal happened around the time of Leeds when I was out of contact with all my friends because of me not being at church. It was... nice. And we're still sort of gushy with one another, but it's nothing permanent.

So you see, in my tragically lacking past experience I've never been liked by someone I felt nothing for. I mean, Chris is a sweet guy who seems very different, but he's so not my type. I just see him as my friend out of English class.

Plus, it could all be a set up. Boys can be truly mean like that.

Goddesses. Goddesses, goddesses, goddesses.
Norman got a real kick out of the whole thing. Gosh, if it hadn't been for Ruth quickly changing the subject I might have died right there on the spot.

A list. That's what I need.

Top 10 ways to dispel anger:

1. Hit things. Or people.
2. Curse Matt Wood. Or your History Tutor.
3. Listen to angry music
4. Write a blog
5. Scream into a pillow. A lot.
6. Take a shower
7. Draw your veins on your skin. It works, honest.
8. Have an argument (not the recommended method!)
9. Go for a walk (to the canal and stand on the bridge)
10. Deep breaths?

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Procrastination

Shit, am I busy. Well, not right now. I should be, I have a TON of stuff to do but I've also got a LONG dinner period on my own to do it in. I hope anyway. Well, I don't hope I'm alone. But I hope I can get it all done because I've got Two Twenty tonight and work Thursday and Friday night. I'm going to get Vicky's birthday present on Saturday and going to the cinema on Sunday.

Phew. It seems like I've just been working, working, working this past week. I was at work ALL weekend (which is NOT fun, lemme tell you). I was so tired that I had to stay off college yesterday. And now I have nothing to look forward to except a long afternoon of History, a night at Two Twenty running around setting up the room on my own and calling work to tell them I can't work Saturday.

In a word, LIFE SUCKS right now.
So to cheer myself up, A LIST! Huffah

Top 10 things to look forward to in the life of Karen Ellison:

1. Vicky's Birthday party (murder mystery, woot!)
2. Seeing InMe live on the 5th of October (Dave McPherson woot!)
3. Watching Howl's Moving Castle on Sunday (Miyazaki woot!)
4. Finally buying Reuben's new album (Blamethrower woot!)
5. Going to London (my first trip woot!)
6. Watching the Corpse Bride with everyone on Halloween (dead person woot!)
7. Paying Mum back (not in debt woot!)
8. Finally getting my Doc Martins (big boots woot!)
9. Seeing James again. Eventually. (James... woooooooooot!)
10. Christmas? (Woot?)

How truly PATHETIC? Hmm, maybe I should write about Leeds to cheer me up? Bit of nostalgia?
Hell, it's not like I want to do my Psychology homework.

FRIDAY

Oooh! Okay, like every other Leeds weekend, the day began at Tesco. We hopped on the thoroughly packed bus and went on upstairs. On our journey (which brought back a multitude of memories from the past couple of years) Steven phoned and asked when we were getting our asses down to the site.
When we arrived Ste and Cathcart were waiting for us near Rachel's Gate, both donned in wellies like me for it twas slightly muddy. Straight to wristband exchange (where we somehow got separated from SnC and the into the queue). We planned out our weekends whilst we were queing and got into the site in about an hour (although it was not fun to be called by SnC who informed us they had got into the site after queing for about twenty minutes).
To be honest the first day was quite uneventful up until Incubus. We caught a couple of bands in the NME tent (but we couldn't see very well.) Did a touch of shopping, checked out boys.

I'd been determined to get a good place for Incubus as they were the band I most wanted to see. So we stood through Iggy and the Stooges before moving in for Incubus. We actually got closer than I had anticipated, not that I could enjoy it much as when the guys came on the crowd went wild and I got swept away from Iona and Toni. Lets just say it was scary. But Incubus were kick arse and I had like this spiritual moment when they were playing 'Nice To Know You' when I reached up to the clear blue sky, feeling so happy right then.

We ended up having an early night, catching the bus after a few minutes of Manson. It was a nice laid back first day. Oh, and Toni nearly had to pee in a paper cone. Nearly.

Now I really do need to do some homework so the other two days will come soon!

Monday, September 12, 2005

Obsession

I'm sorry I've been away for so long. And now you're probably expecting a full review of Leeds, an update on my job and a little insight into my first couple of days back at college, right?
Right?
And I will... Eventually. Some time this week I'm gonna have a lonely free period and I'm sure I'll spend it writing a VERY long blog about Leeds and junk. But now...

I have a confession to make. I've always been a bit of a people watcher. I love insight into other people's lives and to wonder where they are and why they are hurting. Through blogging I stumbled across this one guy. For the sake of privacy I'll name him 'Peter'.
I listen to the music 'Peter' listens to, I read the books he's read. I take from a few simple pages of his long forgotten blog a snapshot of his life, his thoughts, his heart. He was lonely. He was torturing himself, believing he was inadequate. And I see pieces of myself reflected in his words.

Where are you? Why wasn't I with you on that Christmas day 2 years ago? What was I doing whilst your fingers fumbled across the keyboard, spilling out your fears? Why does the world part people who could help each other?

Hold on, hold on silent stranger. I have recognised your fears, I have glimpsed your anger. And you are not alone anymore.

Top 10 signs that someone is 'Slipping Away':

1. When you ask how they are they divert the topic back to you.
2. Slowly, they seem to disappear from your life.
3. Dark powers and interests entrance them suddenly
4. They smile too much
5. They look tired all the time
6. They don't get excited anymore
7. They get too excited as a means to distract you
8. Rarely you will catch them getting incredibly angry at themselves for making mistakes
9. They begin to question things
10. They envelope themselves in the deep cocoon of music, blocking out the world as much as possible.