Thursday, June 30, 2005


I can't go into college today. Do you know why? Cos of a FUCKING BLISTER!
Yes, I'm a little bit pissed.

Top 10 things I hate about my living room:

1. It's beige
2. There's useless pieces of glass everywhere
3. It's beige
4. There are mirrors everywhere
5. It's beige
6. The blinds are beige
7. It's beige
8. It's cold
9. It's beige
10. Beige, beige, beige, beige... I'm losing my mind just being in here!

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Great Night, Hellish Day

In the computer room. At college. On a Wednesday. And of course that can only mean one thing, I AM AWAITING THE EXCRUCIATING TORTURE THAT IS PSYCHOLOGY THIS AFTERNOON. This (prepare for an understatement) sucks.

Last night was really awesome. And I'm not exactly sure why. I talked to Lila, Christina's brazillian friend, and she's just really cool. We were having a discussion about piercings and since she doesn't know the words for certain things she makes noises to show what she's talking about. I'd get so frustrated if I couldn't translate what people were trying to say to me, but she's just so patient.

But now I'm back in the harsh reality of college and I have a pile of psychology work to do. And a massive line of mutated blisters down the side of my right foot that mean I'm walking like an injured (and drunk) soldier. To top it off neither Toni nor Catherine are in today.
Have you ever detested a person without any real reason? I do. And it's very unsettling to me. For confidentiality's sake we'll call her Lucy. Lucy pisses me off. Every time I see Lucy I cringe with loathing. And yet the only thing Lucy has actually done is walk around acting as though she is queen of the universe. And I know plenty of people like that, so why is it Lucy that I hate in particular?

Top 10 things I hate:

1. Pop noise pollution
2. Midsommer Murders and other shows that parents seem to adore (Last Detective, Dalziel and Pascoe etc.)
3. Being on my lonesome in class (*cough* Psychology *cough*)
4. Glastonbury Posers
5. "Lucy"
6. Linda Barkers
7. Close-Minded Hanson Bashers
8. Analysing other writers' work (it's POINTLESS)
9. Moulin Rouge
10. Discrimination

Sunday, June 26, 2005


Hello! I am recovering from my first week back at college since I've had four weeks off on study leave. Just gone and got Kyle's birthday gift. It's his surprise eighteenth birthday party tomorrow. Now, I am 17 years old and I didn't think I was socially stunted, so is there something fundamentally wrong with me since I am dreading going to a party? It's just, I know I'm gonna be BORED STUPID and want to go home the whole time.
Yup, I'm stunted. Must be.

Top 10 chav mocking jokes:
1. What do you call a chav with two brain cells? Pregnant
2. Why should you never run over a chav on a bike? Because the bike is probably yours.
3. Why are chavs like slinkies? They have no real use, but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs
4. What's the first question at a chav quiz night? What you lookin' at?
5. What do you call a chav in a tastefully decorated house? A burglar
6. How do you tell the difference between a chav and a coconut? One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut
7. What do chavs use as protection during sex? A bus shelter.
8. What's the most confusing day of the year for a chav? Father's day
9. What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet? Sorted
And my personal favourite:
10. At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge Chav male, 6ft 5in tall and 350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him. After 3 or 4 beers, the gay fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big Chavster. Leaning over, he cups his huge ear "Do you want a blowjob?" he whispers. At this, the Chav leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves him badly bruised, in the car park and returns to his seat as if nothing had happened. Amazed the bartender quickly brings over another beer."I've never seen you react like that" he says "Just what did he say to you?" "I'm not sure" the Chav replies. "Something about a job."


Wednesday, June 22, 2005

White Butterfly

The curse wasn't manifest. He wasn't there. Yet surely that's just an even worse outcome. So am I still cursed? I'm probably just reading too much into this. Right, no more James talk. I hope.
Monday was cool. Went into Manchester on my lonesome and bought 'White Butterfly', my hands were trembling as I reached out and took hold of it, how truly sad is that? And then I shed a few tears outside HMV and while I was on the train listening to it. It is just exquisitely beautiful, a life support at this time. I wrote this morning that nothing can hurt me now I have 'White Butterfly'. At least not for a while.

Last night, despite James' absence, went really well. The room looked perfect by the time we were done, I felt so proud of all the guys. They're all really special to me now. I'm gushing boring crap, so I'm gonna end this.

Top 10 reasons why Jackass is the greatest television show in HISTORY:

1. It gives detailed insight into the labyrinth of emotions that is the 'typical male relationship'
2. It is amusing in an archaic style
3. It shows the dedication of youth to entertainment (i.e. bobbing for jellyfish, now that is dedication)
4. It is not just inane stunts, there is often footage of skating that is also highly entertaining
5. The music is good
6. Some of the stunts that involve public reaction are highly enlightening and could be used to make psychological assumptions
7. Jackass is a beautiful expression of a dark imagination
8. Bam is hot
9. The Jackass boys are style gurus, helping young people all over the country to become equally stylish and therefore accepted (i.e. leopard print thongs are the future, how do those boys stay so far ahead of the crowd?)
10. Jackass is not just a show with the purpose of making people laugh by filming extreme actions, no, Jackass is also a fulfillment of dreams, dreams of a group of men who one day hoped to execute some of the greatest and most impressive stunts ever seen and allow the whole world to realise that dreams can come true!

Monday, June 20, 2005

Rain Is A Matter of Attitude

Yesterday I hung out at Jen's house to officially celebrate her birthday. It was hot. No, that is actually an incredible understatement. 'Hot' just does not create the adequate imagery. It was: searing, scorching, boiling, roasting, blistering, sweltering and just about any other word that describes intense heat.

And this morning it was even worse.

I thought I might die when I reached church. It was that bad. I refused to go out with all my friends to this open air festival in the park. And everyone was going. But I'm sick of being used by my friends as good company until their boyfriend's can make it. So I said no.

I got home and slumped into depression. As the heat remained, yet the dark clouds amassed in the sky and I asked God to make it rain.

And oh boy did it rain!!!

I love to gloat. It was a beautiful moment, as the rain bounced off the pavement for over an hour, and I sat at home devouring an ice lolly, comforted hugely by the knowlesge that the day of my 'so-called-friends' (except Catherine, Vic and Stephy!) was ruined. I love rain despite the circumstances, but I've never loved rain as much as I did today. Ah. I am evil. But at least I'm willing to admit it.

InMe's new album is out tomorrow. I'll feel better after I've got it.

Top 10 snack foods:

1. Salt and Vinegar Squares
2. Chuba Chups Lollipops
3. Malteasers
4. Quavers
5. Snack a Jacks
6. Jelly Cherries
7. Skittles
8. Milkybars
9. Double Dip
10. Glazed Popcorn

Friday, June 17, 2005

The Curse is Called

Yesterday was my 17th brithday. Being 17 does not feel any different. I am still little old sarcastic me, but richer and with more CDs.

I saw James on my birthday. My tongue could be controlled no longer. I blabbed to Catherine. Now it's simply a matter of time until the curse manifests in James. I wonder what it'll be. A girlfriend, homosexuality... a Marilyn Manson fan... who knows? Well, I will on Tuesday.

Reuben were awesome.

Top 10 reasons why Parents are useful:

1. They give you hugs
2. They pay for stuff
3. They pass on their 'rocker' genes to you (yet not your unfortunate older brother)
4. They will hold your hair while you throw up
5. They give up a life of eternal freedom to have children. That's gotta count for something.
6. They teach you valuable lessons. Such as how to make a good brew.
7. They make you eat three square meals a day.
8. They ferry you everywhere at all times of the night and day because they don't like the thought of you travelling alone.
9. They endure 'Parents Evenings' at school and college
10. They tape 'Desperate Housewives' when you're going out.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005


I promise to do no more whining about James until next Tuesday. After a night of analysing the whole 4 minutes we spent in the vicinity of one another, I have made a detailed 5-point plan of where I went wrong and how I might improve should such a situation occur again (that's absolute and total bollocks by the way, I'm not that pathetic).

Tomorrow is my seventeenth birthday and I am spending this evening in a state of Reuben-induced bliss! Tomorrow I'm planning on hanging out with Skinny, Maid and Jen whilst purchasing many CDs. Yay! CD purchasing! I've missed it so much!

Top 10 reasons why 'Rain is evil':

1. It gets your perfect hair wet so it explodes into a frizz ball
2. It always rears it's ugly head when you haven't got an umbrella
3. Baggy jeans get dragged through puddles and soak up the water
4. It's acidic too now so it damages the environment
5. It makes people do STUPID things (e.g. dance around getting absolutely drenched in it)
6. Homeless people HAVE to put up with getting wet
7. Can cause floods
8. Turns Festivals into mud baths
9. Means you have to carry round a STUPID coat cos any cool coat is NOT waterproof
10. It's cold


Isn't it weird how sometimes everything can seem to be going right, your exact plan manifest before your eyes, sometimes even better than how you planned, and then something unexpected can ruin it all. See, you think that for things to run smoothly is all it will take to make you happy, but then that wildcard is thrown at you, something you didn't account for in your plan and suddenly, even though everything else couldn't have gone better, you're not as happy as you thought you'd be. In fact, you're not happy at all.

I thought I'd planned for his presence, for the possibility of it anyway. I wore a new top, I spent over an hour in the bathroom, I smelled delectable, though I do say it myself, but there was one thing I hadn't thought of. What the hell was I supposed to say to him? See it's all well and good to look good but if you come across completely devoid of brain cells well... you're screwed, a little like I am right now.

All I want is one more chance! A chance to say, 'Hey James, you can help me move a board?' Man!!! Then I'd even have the opportunity to talk to him, laugh with him, form some foundation for future bliss...

I'm an idiot. And writing about it has NOT helped.

Top 10 reasons why it's possible this guy might be THE ONE:

1. He has a really cute nose. No, REALLY cute.
2. I'm driving myself crazy thinking about him.
3. He made me hyperventilate tonight.
4. He has cool taste in music
5. He is a Christian Boy
6. He came back! He came back to Two-Twenty! Even I didn't think THAT was possible.
7. He can play guitar.
8. He makes me WAY nervous
9. He is shy
10. I've waited so long and seen all my friends get these PERFECT Christian boyfriends, surely it's my time now?

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Changing Expectations

Tonight was the prayer meeting that I had, as it had been drawing closer, been dreading. Of course, it went great cos God never lets ya down. There was only five of us (which I choose to put down to the short notice of the offer) but the room was just filled, a little like it was at Scott's house. The night really changed some of the judgements I had made about people. I can't wait to start organising the next one.

Top 10 Bands to listen to when feeling melancholy:

1. Red Hot Chili Peppers
2. Blind Melon
3. Coldplay
4. Keane
5. JJ72
6. Muse
7. The Zutons
8. Starsailor
9. Nirvana
10. The Strokes

I put a lot of thought into these lists you know.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Things Like This Don't Happen

I haven't been able to blog for ages due to computer viruses. Today has been a nice lazy day and I've got another early birthday gift from Vicky (some rumble packs for my N64 that are just class!). She's also got me 5 games but I haven't unwrapped them yet. I don't like opening Birthday or Christmas gifts before the day.
Last night, I was just washing up and listening to 'Just A Glimpse' when I kind of lost it. I couldn't stop crying and begging God not to take Toni's Mum away from her. I guess it had only just sunk in that she was seriously ill since Toni had told me earlier that day that she only had a 15% chance of survival in 5 years. I just kept mumbling the same thing over and over, 'Things like this don't happen. Things like this don't happen. Things like this don't happen.'

Yesterday at 2 am my Grandmother's neighbour died from colon cancer. I guess death does happen. Is this what growing up is? Death? Pain? Pressure? Fear?
If so I want out, I've been jipped. I thought growing up was all about fulfillment, responsability and self-actualisation. This SUCKS.

Top 10 ways to slob out:

1. Watch cartoons
2. Write crap on the internet
3. Play on the N64
4. On the phone
5. Decorate notebooks
6. Contemplate washing up
7. Write in diary
8. Read a book
9. Manicure
10. Reading my old stories and trying to muster the effort to finish them